What to expect when you go NO CONTACT with your narcissistic parent
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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You can expect hoovering, lovebombing, or even coercion, threats, smear campaigns and sabotage. It depends on how aware you are and how good your supply was.
Ooh is nice to see you here .🤗
Expect “Ninjas” to show up at your doorstep. Not Ninjas in the movies. Ninja has in…that one relative as in..auntie, uncle, people of that narc person know or whatever. They are here to “gather information” and report back. Expect….”elicitation”.
@@SCH292my fear is them showing up at my house . I’ve started to put on all my locks.
It’s so hard and yet sometimes so very necessary. God bless anyone who has to do it…
🙏🏼
❤️ Dr. Ramani is gods gift to all of us suffering from narcissism. I’ll never deal with them the same. I have a 19 month old with a covert narcissist and she finally moved out yesterday after 9 years. Thanks to these videos I’ve regained myself and can start I notice my daughter feels more at peace when she’s not around. Have a great day❤
@blakelee119 Dr. Ramani is God’s gift 💝 👏🏻🛡️
Yes! I didn’t speak with my mom for 8 years. I was the one to blame. The first year I had knots in my stomach every time the phone would ring. When the holidays and Mother’s Day comes around there is a dread.
It took me 35 years to understand and go no contact since 2 years
It takes a lot to finally go no-contact with your mother. I did it in my 30s. In my 50s, after my father died, I learned that my mother has lied about my brother and me (the scapegoat children) for our entire lives, to destroy our relationships and opportunities. I only wish I’d gone no-contact sooner, with her and everyone who was willing to be a toady for her.
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I have this experience but my dad is the narc and my mom is his enabler.
Wow! I learned that both my narcissistic parents did the same thing to me, and later my daughter as well. It is not an easy process, first I went no contact with my father about 10 years ago, now I’m in the midst of going through the process with my mother. I’m 54 in two weeks!
I have NO family support from either side because I know they’ve both smeared campaigned me and my daughter. And I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt. We’ve heard nothing but silence. No questions, no calls, no reaching out, nothing. I thought a couple of my cousins would reach out, crickets. Makes me wonder whether they ever truly loved me.
My mother did the same. All of the siblings estranged because of her conniving, triangulating and outright gossip. The toll it has taken on my mental health (my mother loved to play with that for entertainment) took me 58 years to really see, but once I did and was fully able to comprehend it, I knew I would never go back. The longer I am away from her, my father and those toxic family dynamics, the better I feel.
You just described my family to a t. And I too left in my early 30s. My mother did the exact thing and my father and mother were both extremely violent. I am not married and no kids. Have not ever wanted to. All I want is my peace. Going contact 14 years now. Been extremely difficult but it has got better.
You lose your entire family. I’m away from her abuse, but so lonely. She is a master manipulator and saboteur, and when angry turns others against you. She had already destroyed my relationship with a beloved cousin. Siblings no longer speak to me. It’s so lonely being the scapegoat.
It’s true. Sad always, but freeing. I have contact with one female cousin out of my entire family of origin. I’m not a kid. Rather old actually. It’s taken me a long time to be okay with being outside the family. No weddings, births, funeral, graduations. But I have a circle of friends that are amazing… my chosen family.
You’re gonna need to find/build your own circle. Get back into the activities you love, and make friends with people who have similar interests. The thing you’re going to have to watch out for, are people who “feel like home” because they’re going to be toxic.
So sorry, prayers and blessings ❤
1 year. Still get pangs of missing my brother. But now I see clearly, none of them were really ever with me. I am largely over it now, my home life is amazing now. I take joy in that. My self esteem has rocketed…. My wife and I take peace and joy in each other. This has caused our relationship to deepen and strengthen greatly. I think what helped me was realizing I was alone WITH them. They bought the lies, they sold me out, they joined in. They watched mistreatment and didn’t speak out. Now I am in a home with the sweetest children who blow me away all the time with their kindness and generosity. My parents have done well for themselves…. And cut off from all of them and definitely lower class I would take what I have over all they have…. That house is devoid of love and empathy. This morning I watched my kids pile up toys and clothes to give to someone who lost their house in a fire.
Find new people in your life. Friends, colleagues…. don’t pity yourself
oldest of 7 with two narc parents. I stuck around for years for those kids, but I needed to go no contact permanently last year to save my own life. I was worried I was abandoning them but they see me as a hero for showing them its possible to get out.
That must feel nice but try being the YOUNGEST of 7 and being the sole recipient with the rest of your siblings as active participants.
@@matt3024 I can’t imagine. 😢
I didn’t initially go no contact, but I did move away. The rage of how dare I make an adult decision was unbelievable. They circled the wagons and tried shunning while I was just living my life. It was so hurtful and confusing for over a decade. Then I didn’t know and just decided they can’t shun me if I’m not trying to contact them. Then the hoovering started. Then I stumbled on these videos. You described my life like hitting a bullseye. Still it was my narcissist sister (acting as spokesperson for the family) who told me I was dead to her that made me go no contact as a decision on my part. I was set free to live and be fully myself for the first time in my life.
Thank you for this I feel ya….
I believe no contact is useless if being nearby, and for it to work, one has to put a great travel distance between themselves and abusers. For example, 300 miles or more, or better yet, out of the country. This would make it an inconvenience for them to travel or accidentally run into them or someone they know when you’re out in public. Going no contact while living near abusers only makes matters worse because they will show up at your residence terrorize you, and use others to intimidate and guilt trip you too.
@ agree. 900 miles worked perfectly for me but mostly because the town I chose was a place they don’t care to visit.
@mariehughey5390 yay, awesome
I tried low contact for years ! Finally went no contact after my late father’s death in 2020. I blocked siblings in-laws outlaws cousins Aunts ! It was the only option all or nothing ! I’ve changed my phone number and work location for my safety ! I will never go back to awful abuse and treatment!! Acceptance is key to my healing, forgiveness will come in time! I’m much happier healthier trauma bond is severed ! I’ve seen cult leader twice since still playing the victim same old Toxic behaviour ! I’m proud of myself my strength ❤ Thank you so much Dr Ramani for your excellent service and resources! You are saving people everyday ❤❤
Me too! 🎉
Cult leader 😂!! Same here
When I finally had it, I told my dad i hope he has a nice life, that he should look into nursing homes because i wasn’t going to take care of him when he’s older and my brother sure wasn’t going to either, and that is no longer be speaking to him. He then called a bunch of family and loved ones told them i was mentally unwell and to give me a call because he was worried about me. AKA spreading a smear campaign and realizing his future hospice care was in jeopardy.
I caught hell for going no contact with mommie dearest back in the 90’s. Best decision I ever made. Grandkids never met her and don’t miss her. No regrets.
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I wish I could shake your hand. Job well done 👍
Thank you for seeing us and validating us 🌷💗
Going no contact after avoiding confronting them with their true reality for 13 years was the best decision I’ve made in my life and the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my life
I’m 48 and just went no contact from my mother, i refuse to go into my 50s dealing with her abuse, thank you for putting this out. Your message is important and needs to be said. ❤
Im 46 and feel the same way. Thank you for writing this. I needed to read this today!
45 and done the same with my father. Stay strong, you’ve done the right thing x
I went no contact with my brother and his family, he lives abroad so it was easier for me, he had low grade passive aggressive behaviour which I tolerated until he treated me to an episode of anger and contempt which shocked and humiliated me. It happened once followed by his silence for nearly two years and that was enough I could not go back to any type of contact. He has harassed me with phone calls, fake illness and used his family to send his messages. It means I have to leave them all behind, reading everyone’s stories I am now waiting for further pressure and manipulations from them. I look back on his lies with horror because I believed them. Thank you Dr Ramani for being so supportive and non judgmental.
I’ve noticed that the more TOXIC the family member the quicker they are to slam that family card on the table than ANYONE.
It’s a difficult decision and there are so many people going through it. In the past, I was called uncaring and ungrateful when I attempted to individuate and just be myself. I had to give myself permission to let go and move forward.
Estrangement doesn’t need to be forever. My sister and I both went no contact with our narcissistic mother for nearly two years. The last years of my mother’s life after the no contact were her best ones towards me. She was unwell and became much more vulnerable and grateful. She wanted to know that she could rely on us to look after Dad if she went first. I know this situation is rare but it does happen.
Over the years, my sister would ghost me for months at a time for no reason. I hate confrontation after my upbringing in a violent & dysfunctional family, so never asked why when I was eventually back in favour. I’m now in my 60s & 2 yrs ago when I couldn’t go to a close family member’s funeral because of a recurring, debilitating illness, she told all my family members that I was too frightened to to face her after an argument & that’s why I wasn’t there. She also withheld news about another family member’s terminal cancer diagnosis from me. All this, despite knowing about my medical condition. I decided I’d had enough. With say 20 yrs left of my life, I chose to live it without the stress & hurt of being treated like this. I don’t know if I’ve made the right decision, but it wasn’t taken lightly & I needed it for self-preservation.
You made the right decision. This is your time, live your life well, no apologies.