What to Say When a “Vanisher” Comes Back… | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs
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If you'd like the script for what to say when your vanisher re-appears, I've included that for you below…
What to say when your "vanisher" reappears and wants to hang out again…
"Thanks so much for calling, and I actually wanted to clear something up with you if that's cool.
The last time we were hanging out, you told me you were going to call me in a couple of days, and it's actually been a couple of weeks — which is totally cool by the way. And I want you to know, that I’m really not interested in guys who don't follow through — with guys who vanish and then re-appear.
I am interested, however, in hanging out with someone who follows through and does what it is that they say, and actually I find that sexy.
When you didn’t call me back, honestly, I was a little disappointed, because I think you’re intriguing. I think you're cool. But I’m not interested in hanging out with people who are vanishers. I’d love to hang out with you again, and I'd love for you to be honest with me, are you gonna be the guy who vanishes, or are the guy who follows through on what he says?"
Remember, the most important part of this strategy is to be relaxed, cool, and unattached to their answer. You're looking to see how he responds to your request that he shows up with more integrity.
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Mat Boggs Bio:
As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
Mat s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.
As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!
Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
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honestly, if he’s a vanisher, i wouldn’t go out with him again.
I finally stopped replying to a vanisher, not easy but a relief.
Never take a ghoster back! If more women said no maybe guys would stop ghosting in the first place.
I don’t think they care. Women just think too much. He wont ghost a girl if he likes her or cares about her feeling – just that simple.
Words of wisdom well spoken.
This is happening..
No woman should spend her precious time giving that much of an explanation and oportunity to a ghoster. “You vanished? That’s too bad (not).”
Honestly, if you want someone to take you seriously you need first to take yourself seriously.
There’s plenty of good guys in this world, good hearted honest men. We just need to pay more attention.
I wouldn’t even waste my breathe in talking to a vanisher at all. The biggest punishment for him is simply just to ignore him. Don’t block him, and let him see his every single text is delivered but just no reply at all.
Yes… that’s what I did.
Too many words. A man who has been a vanisher, will be again a vanisher in the future. Silence is the best answer.
I apologize for too many words💖I completely agree💖
Me too..
Vanish go silent on them they
hate it but it challenges him as
🔑🔑he will run to you demand
Respect…..
Forcing him to lie
So so true
One tiny flaw with this plan… if they are a ‘vanisher’, most likely they will lack integrity, and therefore wont hesitate to lie to you when you ask them whether they are the kind of person who follows through or not. So, effectively, your advice is leading your viewers into a trap where manipulators, who have already proved themselves unreliable once, can have a field day with them for a second time. Great job!
The real answer is, actions speak louder than words, and you shouldn’t waste your time with anyone who ghosts you.
Well said, Nick, and very refreshing that you understand that. I let my ex fiancé do that to me three times! The first time he did it, he was gone for seven weeks! You would never think he was the kind of guy to do that.
I’m not making excuses for these selfish, inconsiderate ppl. I had a lot invested in him emotionally…no way I would ever go thru that again.
Excellent clarity
I think the same. Also the moment I realized that he ghosted me and I wasn’t the (first) one he wanted to invest time on, I opened myself to other people already. Time is of so much value to me and I don’t want to waste it on some bs. ☺️
06/21/2019
Nick W
Sooo true … this guy is going on & on about talking/asking the “vanisher” questions; they DO NOT care … they will vanish again … trust it. As Dr. Phil says: evidence of future actions, look at past actions …
Yes Sir!! Abso-‘freaking’-lutely correct! Why don’t you just teach the class? We stan a man of who keeps it all the way 💯! Now “that’s sexy!”
Honestly? When a vanisher reappears, I ignore them. Just because someone contacts you, doesn’t mean you have to respond.
From a gentleman’s perspective: It’s cruel and emotionally abusive to disconnect from another human being so abruptly without communicating the reason why or giving any form of a heads up. Generally, it’s because men haven’t been taught appropriate skills of communication, don’t see women as equals or are emotionally cowards and don’t man up to give the common courtesy of communicating directly and giving closure before moving on.
You are honestly so correct..thanks!!💝🎈
LISTEN the best advice, IGNORE and move on! DO NOT RESPOND, delete the text and go to the gym, eat ice cream, go shopping whatever.
Do not engage, this will lead to a dead end.
He could have been very sick or something happened, give the benefit of the doubt
Samantha León no no no trust me no don’t engage
Yeah, he’ll probably Ghost again😒
Facts
Amen
I have a theory on this: I think with dating apps men have come to think that they have a personal catalog of women available for them, waiting for them. So he sees you once and disappears because he thinks he has all these other women he can date and when he faces reality and finds that he didn’t have SO many choices, he remembers “that cool girl he once dated” and calls back just like it’s normal.
So? That’s realizing you lost a good thing and made a mistake passing it up. I have done the same thing, realizing years later, wait, all those qualities I’ve been looking for, I ran away from 6 yrs ago, and now I’ve grown enough emotionally and am confident to go after what and who I really want. This guy, I told him the same. So, don’t be so harsh against a man. We are human and our hearts put on their glasses at different times.
There is absolutely no need to ask a man if hes the type of guy who follows through on his word when his actions have clearly shown he has not. The saying “Actions speak louder than words” exists for a reason.
Exactly!!!! Who is going to admit they don’t intend to follow through?? The guy will say whatever the woman wants to hear and then vanish again. Men do not ghost women they are keen on. As you say, look at his actions.
Real talk for a second ladies. If a man truly wants you. He will move heaven and earth to get to you. Broke guys, kids and sociopaths make plans just to feel good at the moment. Real men follow through.
You’re so right,I found out afterward my ghoster had a suspended driver license ,no auto insurance, a criminal record yay long, I’d never guessed it by looking at him😔
Amen!
If he truly loves her and made it clear but she is unresponsive, he is right to walk away.
😁 Happy to hear that some guys actually have a heart and follow through with plans 🤍
It’s reassuring to hear that those guys really exist. But it’s hard finding them
Never chase anyone who rejects you, distance them and move on as they have already proven their worth to you .
Ain’t my job to teach a man how to love and respect a woman. A man vanishes, it’s over.
Shannon, you are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are with a good man!
Amen!
If a guys isn’t texting you every day. Those are the type of guys who text you when they haven’t heard from thier girlfriend all day. And when they are with thier girlfriend they ghost you. If a guy takes weeks or days to text back your not his first option you may be the last thing he thinks about
I did everything you mentioned in this video and he vanished two weeks later. 😂 Next time he calls, I won’t even answer the phone. There’s nothing left to talk about.
This is a bad advise. Could’ve just ignored him.
i’m sorry to hear, as that is hurtful.
I would agree- move on!
conflict resolution IMO is important for the long term
@@planetwalker798 I ignored him and moved on. It didn’t even hurt.
As Maya Angelou once said ” when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time “!
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