When LONELINESS leads you back to the narcissist
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
this is much needed right now thanku for this❤
Nothing had changed…and I found it just ripped off the bandaid and it just brought back those original feelings of hurt and despair. And again the cycle started of confusion/ feelings of being discarded… now coupled with “I AM SUCH A FOOL, u knew it was going to happen”
Don’t beat yourself up because it takes an average of 7 times to leave a narc who’s just a walking talking con artist
@@caroleminke6116 thanks Carole, I have used most of my nine lives with this person. 2 weeks ago was the final straw.. as she attacked me with a knife, beat me up and strangled me.. over laundry ?!
Omg this is so crazy because I’ve been missing my ex and I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about her anymore but I just happen to see this video 32 seconds after you posted it…
Think about the way you were treated & say never again
Someone fist bumped me last week when I saw her & caught up on how things were going then told her I was no longer afraid of the narc. That night a FaceTime call came in from an unknown number & I froze… a year ago he sent that number through texts but I ignored them. I searched frantically to see where it was supposed to be blocked but I couldn’t find that list so I did it. The universe was simply testing my resolve & it was a real wake-up call!
i feel sooo lonely … the hardest part is not to give in. We moved 600 ks away just before I gave birth to our daughter. She is 3 now, living rural and having no real social network …. I lost my friends … my family … i realised that all the “security” i had with my “people” werent true … my dad is a narc too, my brother prefers to stick to his best friend – my husband – instead of supporting his sister. I still hurts so much being neglected by the people I love … especially seeing my expartner constantly due to our daughter.
Now we get to work on our childhood CPTSD & the original abandonment trauma from our family of origin 💔 you will learn to love your own inner child along with your daughter ❤️🩹 healing yourself will help her to grow up loved ♥️ as well as aware of what her father really is… unhealthy!
Yes Christina, Love yourself. Seek good counsel and focus (which can be hard) on the beautiful things. Let God define you not others.
I was hoovered back into seeing my estranged father after a decade, because he was getting old. It simply gave him the opportunity to berate me about my perceived failings since childhood. If I needed proof that no contact was the way to go, I got it!
Why don’t they stop? What drives them to be mean to their friends and family? I don’t get it?
Loneliness, and fear, for sure, drove me back. I look back and realize i was running from something, not TO the narc.
When you are at a very low point in your life, you become very susceptible to the narcissist’s hoovering. And when you think that they have changed, you realize it’s same old tricks in a new package.
Yep, they clean up their act but it is very short lived.
That happened to me.
@carolfield2760 yes!
True, they don’t change, nothing new ;).
Thanks, very useful.
Love story part 2 is equivalent to walking into a burning building with an accelerant in hand.
Then handing it to the arsonist
Thank you Doc. I have been following you for a little while. I just want to thank you for guiding me through this dark time
This is so GOOD. I see why it’s so important to write down ALL the bad things they did to you. We forget that, and then try to feed our loneliness.
In one of the other videos i heard her state “I Love You, is Not a magic eraser.”
The caps on ALL, does it justice. 🤝🏽
Absolutely true! Every time I grieved about “good times together” I just took a look at everything that I had written down as he hurt me!
i needed this. thank you Doctor Ramani
He could have shown up at my door with millions clutched in his hand and tell me I would never have to worry about anything ever again and my answer would still be NO. I’ll struggle along, thank you very much.
The trauma of being with a malignant abuser is not worth risking your identity for.
Dr. Ramani, Thank You !!!!!!!
I was hoovered back by a long ago relationship. I realized when I was doing all the work and keeping some hard no boundaries, it was over (again).
I started laughing outrageously at the old jokes of my sister and enjoying the conversations. Then I would remember what always came after
Incredibly helpful, even with non narcissistic situations, recognizing we are not in a good headspace. Especially the 2nd attempt at relationships. Loneliness is common for those of us abused as children as well, always trying to reconnect & fix people.
Yes, this can definitely apply to non-narcissistic situations. When was the last time you tried to cancel a service (subscription, cable, a member service) you weren’t satisfied with only to have the phone representative on the other end trying to reel you back in with future discounts and special gifts?
Ever notice that with those future promises there’s always a catch? Same thing happens with narc hoovering.
Yes. Quality over quantity applies to friendships. I had a quantity of so-called “friends” but removed myself from low-quality people. Initially, I felt a bit lonely but now I enjoy solitude. 😊
After embracing it, loneliness turned into solitude. 🙂
Loved your analogy of returning to narcissist and eating fast food. Spot on…I was laughing it was so true…feeling sick afterwards…..
Especially true for older folks who are invisible by society.
This was my stumbling block…many say leave, but when you live in a small town, and the narc has turned others against you, people avoid you..its hard. My dear late mother was in the same situation..she didnt drive..it wasnt easy. Depression and emptiness make you bedbound, then you become a prisoner in your own bedroom.