Why do THERAPISTS FAIL people in narcissistic relationships?
Ever feel like therapy just doesn’t work for what you’re going through? If you’re in a narcissistic relationship, you’re not alone. This video exposes why traditional therapy often fails survivors of narcissistic abuse—and how the system can end up shaming the person who most needs support.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Oh my gosh! This is so very true! I’m a therapist 9 years divorced from a man with NPD. I did not learn anything about Narcissistic abuse in my education, rather in a continuing education course I attended 3 years before I finally got out of my marriage and started healing.
I’m the family scapegoat (it’s BAD) & this is exactly what I’m afraid of. I NEED a therapist who truly understands this. My heart can’t handle being gaslighted & invalidated trying to explain all this to someone again. 💔💔💔 Thank you Dr Ramani 💙
Been there. I know the hurt and frustration. If it helps at all there is a light at the end of that tunnel. I’m not certain that we ever totally recover because after I dug myself out of one layer I just discovered another layer to dig out of. But I sit here now, fairly contented and at peace. I like me now and I’ve realized that that is not egotistical and a shallow way of thinking. It’s an essential way to think and totally honest. I’ve said a prayer for you on your difficult journey. Hugs
Fellow scapegoat, I wish you success
This is so true, that’s why I stopped going to therapy and instead started listening to Dr. Ramani, Sam Vaknin, and Ross Rosenberg. Tried couples therapy, and that same day my narcissist was being abusive and was gaslighting me. I showed up triggered and annoyed. I had been crying all that morning. When we arrived the therapist ask me what was wrong. I told her that my spouse was being mean to me, wouldn’t listen to me, etc. Her response was “Well if you are acting like this , I wouldn’t want to talk to you either”. I was devastated, and the narc sat there cool, calm, and collected. I am alive today because of Dr. Ramani, Sam Vaknin, and Ross Rosenberg. The narc broke me down to my core. However, I am on a healing path now. I don’t have the resources or family support to leave my narcissist, but I am working on it. I read Dr. Ramani’s book too late. I made the mistake of staying in isolation because I was depressed and developed CPTSD from narcissistic abuse. I am now working on building relationships now. My hopes is to be able to leave within a year.
Stay strong it wasn’t easy, but it will be easier without this abuse and narcs in our lives
Wishing you peace💙
I recommend you Lisa A. Romano also, blessings 🙏🏼
@@s0me0ne1seshe. Eli Ed on the cult aa
My dad quit going fir therapy because they were so anti Christian.
Yes, they are difficult to handle in therapy, because a Persian Proverb says: you can wake up a person who is sleeping, but you can’t wake up the one who pretends to be asleep.
Therapy was the WORST MISTAKE! It gave him more ammo and empowerment to destroy my soul.
EXACTLY
Snap – it was the final straw for me.
I agree, expensive and made things worse.
I’m sorry. I dodged a bullet with a covert narcissistic ex who I could see was weaponizing therapy speak, and using psychologly “expertise” as a tactic to try to establish dominance over all interpersonal matters in the relationship. At some point it was clear she wasn’t winning me over, because I had so much more therapy knowledge that I could see through it. The big red flag was her naked accusation that I was avoidant and she was securely attached. Not only did she not say it during a time when such an observation could be made, her declaration of herself to be the better type was highly immature. The other red flag was that only 3-4 months in, as we were agreeing that we wouldn’t be wasting each other’s time and meant to aim for a long term relationship, she suggested or brought up the use of couples therapy in the event of problems.
Point is: it’s absolutely a pattern for some, more clever and intelligent narcissists to attempt to manipulate the avenues of detecting them, against their partner. It takes a very strong willed and smart mind to push through their smoke screens and gaslighting, and indepedently understand the truth and simultaneously see and understand what their partner is doing, and why. It’s vicious.
I teach clients who can’t leave to value themselves, improve self care, and tools to cope with their narcissist. Then when they leave, I give tools for rebuilding themselves from the foundation up, including a full review of the relationship to identify red flags to hopefully avoid getting snared again. Most importantly, grief, victims suffer a different grief that is enveloped in shame and lack of trust / confidence in themselves. Love & light to everyone struggling with this. You matter. You’re worth it. Don’t give up on yourself.❤
We, victims of the Narcissist, are just not who we have been formed and bullied into thinking we are! The people around us have been brain washed to think the same way! The image we have has been accepted by our circle of family and others. The break away is hard because we need a safe place to go outside of this, and, a formed and practiced image of who we are when we get there. This is like being thrown into the ocean with no swimming or survival skills! I know, I’ve been there. It’s tempting to try to become rich and famous just to teach them all a lesson. This attitude keeps a person in bondage. Many failures later, I felt as if the Narc was right! But I’ve shed it all. I’ve progressed. My true self is worthy! The reward I have all these years later is feedback from people who have benefited from my actual talent and hard work in an area that gives me great peace of mind. And part of that peace of mind is knowing and accepting that they will never change. That part is hard.
That is exactly what happened in the couples therapy my narcissist ex signed us up for when I asked for divorce. The weight of the relationship was all put on me by the therapist – so I refused to go to any more sessions. It was traumatizing.
“Assume good intentions” This is helpful with rumination, but unhelpful with an abusive person. It’s like projecting our good intentions onto someone without them.
That’s exactly what happens. We project our goodness on the worst people- you hit the nail on the head.
I have been badly blamed/shamed by people close to me for having experienced abusive relationships, told that I chose to date him, I stayed too long, I attracted it or let it happen cause I wasn’t empowered enough. It’s so disgustingly damaging. People need to get educated. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
In my country the situation with therapists is terrible.. they do not understand how manipulative and controlling some people can be..
My therapist was a total failure, she was completely preying on me, on EVERY level, he just acted like we were a couple with regular problems, he never questioned the imbalance, I had a nearly fatal stroke, As far as I’m concerned that guy ALMOST got me killed
I’m an LCSW who works with a bunch of narcissist abuse survivors or those still in it. Many of them are recovering from exactly what you described from other therapists or religious leaders who were probably narcissists themselves. Light bulbs went off with this on one case in particular. The pattern of his panic attacks are directly correlated to the peaceful times with his narcissistic wife. He is constantly terrified of when she will hurt him again. And then she gets to blame his mental illness for why they get into fights and she feels neglected or he’ll never change. Unfortunately, she has a therapist who is enabling her and is actually the new supply now that my client is leaving her.❤
my exe’s therapist also enabled her despite the things she did, she called me a narcissist and told my ex that I was going to drag her to a hole and that she needed to leave me. The reason why I was losing money was because of that relationship to start with. I am also familiar with the panick attacts being triggered by her, I had never experienced such thing, but the distress of her abuse was so big, that I still can’t recover 6 months after. I pray to God every day because I was discarded in a terrible way, left to heal with nothing. Now I can see clearly her patterns, she did the same to all her exes and called herself the victim everytime, she told me that I was abussive to her and that I guilt tripped her when nothing of that ever happened, she lived in a completely different reality.
Love the analogy of folding the flat sheets and leaving the fitted sheets to some other person to fold.!!😅
It’s insult added to injury when your therapist displays narcissistic behavior.
So true.
It took years for me to uncover a pattern of deception that began years before my marriage to a “nice guy” communal narcissist. When I finally had tangible evidence I was told by a pastor not to tell anyone because it would reflect badly on me. With each subsequent discovery and confrontation my spouse would “repent” and keep on lying and gaslighting.
I stopped therapy when he started “charming” the therapist!! I first-hand saw the narc tactic of playing innocent and how the therapist started shaming me! I walked in with trust issues, walked out with even more😢
Therapists usually focus on what I did “wrong” instead of acknowledging that sometimes it is actually the other person the one that is being abusive. I have been dismissed and invalidated many times.
Which is exactly what narcissists do
Amen to this.Thank you so much. My therapist (Relate accredited) was not familiar with narcissistic family dynamics and to the position of the scapegoat. She believed if you were in the minority in your views, there must be something wrong with you, so ended the relationship.
The contents on this video is fascinating. 20-12-2024, I had the worst Christmas holidays imaginable, the love of my life left me, my backbone, joy giver and my better half. We have been separated since then, with two kids, now she wants a divorce, my whole world is crumbling before my very eyes. What hurts the most is the fact that i was the cause, i was drowned with work and sometimes we do not communicate for months. I am a marine engineer, so it was difficult to stay in touch when I was absent, at first she could take it but later it kept creating a void. If you are reading this, never neglect your partner, I haven’t been the same since then. I will do everything to get her back
It is always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation my husband for 20 years left me. i couldn’t just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back. I recommend this for you if what you say is true and you love him.
Wow. how did you get a spiritual guide, and how do I reach him or her?.
Her name is Shelly Renee white, and she is a great spiritual guide.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
I’m struggling to cope with the end of my five-year relationship. Despite my best efforts, I haven’t been able to win him back, and the pain of his absence is overwhelming.
It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn’t just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Father Obah Eze has also helped my co workers and close friends and even family members get their ex back.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I’m genuinely impressed.