Why Does a Narcissist Bring Up Your Most Humiliating Moments?
Have you ever been in a group setting where a narcissistic person suddenly brings up something from your past — something embarrassing, outdated, or deeply uncomfortable? It may be framed as a joke, a story, or “just remembering old times,” but it doesn’t land that way. These moments can feel disorienting, especially when they happen in front of other people. Before you turn the shame inward, it may help to understand what is really happening in that narcissistic dynamic.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
This is my dad. I called them “walks down memory shame.”
I love my son deeply and would never intentionally humiliate him, nor even accidentally.
I’m totally using that! Great way to put it. Lol
Lesson for all: Never, ever, ever, tell any Narc what you are afraid off or sensitive about. However, know they will inquire about your vulnerabilities repeatedly and also stalk you everywhere (online especially) to see what they will gather to weaponized against you. No Narc or psychopath will ever like you or love you, and there is nothing you can do about it. For example, if you give them one of your kidneys, they will ask for the second kidney, and say “because you will do well with dialysis better than me”. Nothing you do or give a Narc (subhuman gluttons) will ever be enough. Run, don’t walk, from all Narcs and Psychopaths.
I disagree. I tell the narcissist, wife, therapist, father my vulnerabilities and insecurities all the time. I just don’t HEAR them. It’s an art. They say “how can I help” and I hear “how can I smell”. They say “how can I be of service” but I hear “how can I be of destruction”. I can be as vulnerable as I fucking want. As I need to be.
@thetruther954 I don’t think that’s the kind of vulnerability they’re talking about 🙄
Wow..well said!
@donovangray4246″I don’t stink like that’s the vulnerability that they wanted”. What do you mean?
@thetruther954😮😯😲
Remember that your dealing with a person who emotionally and mentally has never MATURED! At the end of the Day, all that is left is a immature, jealous, envious, fragile,weak, insecure imperfect human being. This person gave up on themselves,but BIG MAD that you love yourself, and they hate you for it!! Trying to bring you down is all they have left to feel better about themselves!!! I walk away 7 YEARS AGO,it will be 8 years in July 2026!!
They are truly unsafe in a crowd.
0:41 “If my abs was as strong as my trauma bonds I would be in fabulous shape” cracked me up 😂
That’s why I deal with my mother only individually now. No more triangulation.
Always depends on the audience and performance…so sad!
It’s because they are so insecure so those performance and audience make them feel empowered
@khanhnguyen-kg9eiyes, and then the grandiosity takes over from there..SMH
Dr Ramani, you’ve given me the tools to work towards being a Survivor, and for that I am deeply grateful ❤
The humiliation tactic is the one that narcissists use the most to make you feel as insecure as they are. Gaslighting and tantrums are usually done just with you. However, in front of your peers or family has a definite effect on your morale and self worth. Bingo! A gem to the narcissist.
You are gorgeous in blue. Thanks for all the valuable insight provided. 🌹
1 million percent am I used to this. I learned to laugh along with them, through my humiliation and become like a goldfish (2minute memory) I have been surrounded by these parasites my whole life (I am now 50) but I can tell you after all that I have learned thanks to this channel and a psychotherapy degree I will no longer tolerate their BS. I have gone no contact with most of them and the peace I now feel is priceless ❤❤ I’d rather be alone for the rest of my days if these types of people are my only choice for company 👍
I agree 💯
Thank you dr Ramani. Their insecurities or shame or other triggers are not our load to carry and the humiliation they use feels gross and I want to stay away from such people.
Brilliant explanations. Welcome to my world! In my immediate and extended Narcissistic family, one person would throw out a humiliation, then the rest of the family would pile on more! I wanted to disappear.
I saw and experienced that behavior many times from my husband and his family between themselves. Aweful! But I thought hey, I have a good sense of humor so… But it ain’t about that and once you figure this out, it is so hurtful 💔
Yup they all love watching you sweat, turn red and lower your eyes in humiliation. Family can be the worst and it prepares you for a world full of them. A customer once brought her narc boyfriend into my horse boarding barn. He had benefited from our generosity but it was clear from his demeanor over the past several months he was out to mark his narc territory. When he tried to call me out in front of everyone I looked him right in the eye and asked what f’ing business was that of his. He stormed off and the customer with him. Good riddance to the both of them. Life is so much better without them!!!!!
Friday night ignoring the vicious upstairs neighbour and indulging in the wisdom of Dr Ramani .
Thank you Jesus!
I’m not sure if my sis in law was narcy, but everytime we had new company, in a group setting, she would bring up a humiliating moment from 35 years ago. After about the forth time of this happening, I said to her, in said company: ” Now, (insert name,) that will be the last time you mention that story. It happened a long time ago. And then pointed out, specifically, how the episode reported by her, was very one sided. ” The group was very quiet. She was embarrassed. The conversation moved on, and she never mentioned it again.
Point made.
Probably not narcissistic. They don’t care and redo it again usually. Maybe not with the same audience, but they don’t listen and don’t care 🙁
Try this: “Are you sure you want your addiction to shaming people to be on such open display?”
Touché
“their projection is not your burden” YESSSSSSS
Love this
They want you to be in shame because they know that they will always, always be in shame themselves. So, their shaming you gets them temporarily out of their own shame.
I’m sorry you went through that incident with that guy. You’re a good translator as to what it’s all about. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
This tactic NEVER ends either. My dear friend is 82 years old and her only sibling, a younger brother still does this crap to her. It’s been life long. They have a demon spirit in them.