Why narcissists get ANGRY when you HIDE your bad news
When you're dealing with narcissistic people, even your own pain can become all about them. Ever had someone get upset because you didn't share your struggles with them right away? Instead of being supportive, they turn it around and make you feel guilty for not confiding in them first. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone—it's just another painful reality of these toxic relationships. Remember, you don’t owe anyone your pain, especially if they’ve proven they won’t handle it with care.
#NarcissisticAbuse #ToxicRelationships #MentalHealthAwareness #HealingJourney
LONDON ENGLAND WORKSHOPS:
September 5-7, 2024
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Giving them your bad news is just giving them more reasons to hurt you. No matter which way you move or if you refuse to move at all, you’re going to be hurt by these people.
Yup they will use it against u later
Oh my gosh… You’re explaining how I got cut off from the rest of my family
I had a really nasty fall on my way to school one day and I gotten a really bad huge scab on my leg. When my mother found out she FREAKED OUT. I had dealt with my injury alone and she went off and said she dont know if she could ever trust me. She was hardly ever someone I was comfortable with talking to. She loved trashing me to family and others. I dont think I ever forget it.
Love, prayers and blessings for you ❤🙏I want good things for you ❤❤
They make everything about them.
But never forget to tell you, not everything is about you…
They get mad because you robbed them of the chance to hurt you at your most vulnerable. If you’re already over it they have no energy to steal. Stay robbing my friends
Chills…
So true! So brutal, yet so true! I now pause before I share both good and bad news… the silence is quite peaceful actually.
Exactly. Thats why i stopped telling Spawn Point things when I was 11.
Exactly. AND they realize someone else was given that “privilege”…twistedly.
‘Energy to steal’; yes. I must remember this.
My experience is more along the lines of “here are all of the ways what you just told me and I knew nothing about a minute ago is your fault and why you should have asked me to do it for you”… Sharing that you are having a bad time is not enough, they can’t seem to hold themselves from metaphorically kicking you in the face while you’re down, because they can….
I would always hide the truth from my parents or dress it up to be something it wasn’t. I hated doing this but I simply could not rely on them to provide the necessary support because they’d never miss an opportunity to run me down and say I told you so. They were emotionally immature and impossible to confide in or seek advice from in times of need.
Oh yeah! I studied very close everything DR Ramani … yet again … yesterday my beloved cat passed away and I wanted everyone to say bye to him. Including my narc ex… well my farewell with my beloved cat was completely ruined by this man. He blamed me for everything, he said I ruined everything for everyone, he even went on to do videos while my daughter and I were sobbing on the floor holding our cat through his last breath. … I will never forgive him many things but this this this I will never forgive and ever speak a word to him
Rest in peace my dear beloved only kitty 🐈💔💔💔💔💔💔
Such cruelty takes my breath away. Sorry for your loss.
@@wendysimpson6395 ❤️thank you
@@wendysimpson6395 ❤️❤️🩹 thank you
YESSSSS!!!!
Oh my lord, YES! I had to tell my sisters I had breast cancer. I had to share it later than I wanted because the type and stage of the cancer was unknown. my labs were held up because the pandemic had shut down hospitals, drs offices, and labs were only doing Covid tests. SO, I decided to wait to share it until I knew what I was actually facing in terms of the cancer and what my treatments would be. I was also freaked out by having to wait to know! I didn’t know if I would get sicker waiting months for treatment to start.
Once my oncology center opened and my pathology reports were processed, etc I felt I had something concrete to tell my family. And I wanted it to be a hopeful conversation.
When I told my sisters, my narcissistic sister instantly was ANGRY at me that I hadn’t told her earlier and told me I was to blame for my breast cancer. She said “ You’ve always drunk too much coffee, you were bound to get it”
Wow. I cried for all the times I’d been fooled into thinking she ever cared and how little respect I must have for myself to continue to allow her in my life. I was done. Like D.O.N.E.
The toughest part was now understanding my role in the family dynamic.
Hope you are doing well
And the like button is to let you know: you’re heard.
I’m sad this happened to you. Hope you’re doing well.
This comment resonates with me so much. I had a very similar situation however it was with good news 40 years ago my husband and I eloped I didn’t tell the family for a month as my other sister had just gotten married. I didn’t want to take away the excitement of their day… once I announced we had gotten married I had hell to pay and more the with one narcissistic sister, created, devastating chaos cruelty and outrage outlandish behaviors for the next two years was deplorable. She gave a hollow apology. I accepted and endured her deplorable behaviors, for another 30 at 66 no contact 10 years has been a godsend. I lived through hell with these individuals (narcissism at different levels and types six )in just my immediate family-much work has taken place still hard, but my sanity is grounded-I have a hereditary immune deficiency needing complicated treatments, and I’ll be damned if I will tell any of them💜
They’re incompetent as humans but don’t want you to treat them like they’re incompetent.
NO. WIN.
Absolutely no win.
Which has been my experience with most people, in general
They hate not knowing full stop. For them information is a way to control.
Oh, totally!
Then they can just go around to all your people and create a whole new narrative of what “actually happened..”🙄
They’re brutal people. ☮️
When you share your bad news with a narcissist, they use it against you rather than show any sympathy. They will make you feel even worse about it.
Yes, even weeks, months and years later.
Yup.
When I shared a vulnerable thing with my mom, she was kind with it, but then I overheard her on the phone later throwing me under the bus almost making fun of me for it to my aunt. It was super hurtful. She repeatedly does stuff like this, often betraying my trust or getting disgusted by my valid emotions, despite me asking her not to. So I have a hard time trusting her. It has damage my health and self esteem. Learning to keep some things to myself. Taking myself back. 💪🏼Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
My Ex’s Narc mum was livid when she found out that my daughter had missed a month of school due to an ailment, for which she was undergoing medical tests. It was not from a place of care or concern. I had deprived her of the privilege to be the sensational news bearer and gossip about it to her cult family members. Which was precisely why I kept it away from her. She went on and on about my disrespect for her, her heartbreak over the denial of her rights, etc. It became all about her. She acted as if I betrayed her and in her rage, she told my ailing daughter “she’s a bad mother and does not love you!!”
I’ve had this very issue. It’s an absolute quagmire, there’s no way of winning. They make it all about them.
The word ‘quagmire’ definitely belongs in a sentence about narcissists .
It is the Catch 22. They call you too sensitive if you share bad news. They get angry when you don’t share anything. Anything you do or don’t will always suffer some sort of punishment.
And there’s also something about them acting like they’re concerned about what happened and we notice it. We can’t explain it much but, we SEE it. I remember my ex when I told him about a bad day I had and he’d shake his head and comment something like “They should die” or something, but he wasn’t looking at me and instead keep staring at his phone or game while he acted that way…. like, there was really something wrong about how he reacted to me when I share how bad my day was…
Urgh being on the receiving end of this behaviour is horrible and destabilising when you’re already feeling highly vulnerable. Massive virtual hug to all the empathetic people out there. 🤗
In my experience, it’s not just the narcissists, but power-hungry people in general, including damaged people. For the power-hungry, it’s a desire for control for its own sake (psychopaths fit this bill). For damaged people, it’s the old “misery loves company”thing; they don’t want to try and help you feel better, but drag you down with them.
Right. One narcissistic parent flys into a rage that you did not spill your guts to them, but then insult to injury when the other parent gets wind of it. The other parent, who is the enabling and/or covert narcissist one, says something along the lines of “He/she JUST wants to have a relationship with you! And when he/she IS nice, you act ungrateful! Can you BLAME him/her?”