Why Narcissists Keep You in Crisis Mode
If you feel like you’re constantly bracing for the next blowup in a narcissistic relationship, you’re not imagining it. Narcissists often create an environment where you are pressured to engage, defend yourself, explain, and “have the conversation” — even when those conversations lead nowhere. When you try to step back, set limits, or go no contact, you may be labeled avoidant or immature, pulling you right back into the chaos. This cycle keeps you in crisis mode, where the focus stays on managing the narcissist instead of protecting your own peace.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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If they can put you in crisis mode and blame you for it, they can then take no accounability for their deeds and cause a distraction away from them by trying to make you look like the one at fault. They need to keep you confused to conquer you!! If you have a clear mind, you might suss them out!!
How do you handle that when it happens?
Gosh, this is so true. Thank you
@kenanglemire8328 Get back to a safe distance and go no contact. If they cannot put you in crisis, they loose control; and that puts them in crisis.
100% accurate on my account. I didn’t see it then, but do now.
@undertheradar001CHEEHOO, you’re a SURVIVOR 🎉
SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🙌
My daughter and her family and I call it “walking on egg shells “. around a family member we have. Husband is the flying monkey. He has created this monster.
How do you handle that when it happens?
The crisis they keep you in gives them control, attention, and emotional leverage.
There is a way to RESPOND vs giving them an Emotional Reaction.
Jefferson Fisher offers some skills on communication with a Narci. He’s an attorney by day, author and an all around nice guy. He’s gone viral so maybe it’ll help your dynamic.
Peace Be With You on your journey to SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN
Yes, in crisis, chaos mode and stress up to your ears. That is true.
Mornin Glory fellow Survivors 🙌 spot on again Dr Ramani. Being the slowest person in the room works for me!
My first word is a breath
As a musculine, mature and secure male, my Heart goes out to the women that have to put up with this s**t..!
I’m being discarded after 35yrs of marriage to a Vulnerable Narci wife..
Peace Be With You all on your journey to SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN..
SEE YOU AT THE TOP! 🎉
Bless you too. Amen to that!
@bethannebutler2898Stay awesome Bethanne 😊 you know you’re strong because you’re on this thread!
Stay strong and I’ll SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🎉
@kenanglemire8328
Peace be with you on your journey as well, see you at the top‼️
p.s. 🥺 37 years here.
And your nervous system pays the same price as a bomb defuser
I learned as a Survivor, that we are in constant Fight/Fight/Freeze in our Limbic Brain causing Cortisol overload.
The negative Physiological consequences are dramatic. The Bomb Squad is fortunate they get to turn that part of the brain off after the emergency subsides.
We aren’t given that opportunity most times UNLESS we learn what to work from Dr Ramani, because it works if you work it!
SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🎉
First gap you get run , disappear 😮
And dance the dance of freedom under the wide open sky!
The narcissist I was with held absolute contempt for showing anger or being emotional. It is crucial to remember that narcissists rely on projection They don’t always have a temperament for exploding with rage themselves.
Instead, he would manipulate situations so that I would feel a blinding, “insane” rage in his place.
When I finally snapped, he’d label me as “crazy” record my outbursts, and send them to our acquaintances.
When things were going his way, he was magnetic—he had this affable, bear like presence, booming with grand laughter and a charming, gentle smile that drew everyone in.
But for me, the one who had to face his hidden side, it was a living hell defined by his terrifying two-faced nature.
I’ve learned over decades, “It’s not what happens to us, but how we respond!”.
Respond vs React…!🎉
Not all narcissists are the same it makes it difficult
Lacking accountability is a common denominator
Conditional love based on ‘usefulness’ or convenience to the narcissist, gaslighting and trauma-bonding behaviors in conversation (intermittent reinforcement) are common manifestations of many types of narcissists.
Narcis feed on Emotional Reactions!
Dr. Ramani I have to share some good news. I am 73 and was the scapegoat in a narcissistic family. As a result I had this “third eye” in my head who was always judging my every move and word. The other day I had this epiphany about it and since then it is greatly dimmed. The proof is I ran into an old colleague who had either caused abuse or served as a flying monkey for others that did so. We were both waiting for our cars to be done so I sat there and chatted with her. When I walked away I finally saw her as the sad, pathetic creature she was and was grateful that I no longer came in contact with her.
Congratulations on your insight and thank you for sharing.
Most of these folks are deeply insecure and have painful, unexamined wounds from childhood. I have had the same awareness as you describe emerge recently with regard to my dad. I was his scapegoat, though he also belittled my mom with some regularity. She was emotionally and spiritually immature (which frequently manifested as toxic behaviors), but also very loving, kind and generous. I feel a tender sadness toward my dad, but he will never be safe for me to be relaxed or at ease around. No showing vulnerability, or it will feel the sting of the scorpion’s tail later on.
It’s interesting how much different everything looks after we work on ourselves and learn more about what affected us. It’s never too late.
Never thought about narcissistic relationships like that. But boy it is descriptive. We never know what word or action will set them off.
I’ve noticed that they also try to make you look incompetent by not being charitable when you say something. For example, you might say the sky is blue. They will correct you and say, “Well actually it’s Pantone color XYZ and isn’t really blue at all because the ozone layer blah blah blah.” They turn everything into a battle and when you get defensive, you “lose”. 😢
Oh that remides me walks and talks with my mother 😂🙈 thankfully NO MORE 😊
That’s 100%. A narcissist is immediately suspicious of kind words or warmth because they assume you’re doing it for some kind of gain, rather than just because.
And I say the same thing about lying, narcissists think you’re lying simply because they’re almost always lying themselves
Up until now I didnt realize why my narc mother was ALWAYS pissed when I was trying to tell her something nice and possitive…and it always changed into something ugly real fast
My god they’re exhausting!!!
a-freaking men
Ultimately, you can’t win if you are tied to a narcissistic person in any way.
Love to hear about Dr R sitting on a beach reading non related work material. Light and fun. Thank you Dr R.
Yep, this is completely accurate. Disentangling myself from one now and nearly everyday new timers and wires appear.
Gosh, who feels exhausted just listening to the horrific truth of this?