Why narcissists pretend their tantrums never happened
Ever had someone throw a full-blown adult tantrum—ruin your night, scare the kids—then act like nothing happened? And when you pull back to protect yourself, they accuse you of holding a grudge? This is classic gaslighting, and it’s how narcissistic people rewrite reality. If you've ever been made to feel like you’re the problem after they blew up, this one’s for you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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The world is better with Dr Ramani in it 😀
Christine Albright
Thank you 🌹…
Hell yeah!!!
Yes and also all of you here sharing together. You all certainly help me cope knowing I am not alone. 😘❤
Aww, such a cute comment! I am happy as soon as the new review from Dr. Ramani for the last White Lotus episode is online. 😂
@@bc5001You’re not.
Wow. Many times. Total rage and tantrum in front of our children. Threatened to call the cops for yes, standing there calmly.
I saw this title & knew it was made just for me.
Yes!! Experienced this several times with long term boy friend. Raging all the time. Daughter did record it and scared. Throwing glasses, dishes, apt keys in the woods, wine in my face, yelling and leaving me at restaurants. Screaming at me in front of people and people are scared to see.
Crazy, chaos, and then blame on me the next day and send mean texting wars. Finally after 7 years I’m finally free of this Toxic Bond after several physical violence occurred. Police were called. Court date scheduled.
Therapy helps to heal and realize it wasn’t my fault. Been in therapy 2 years. Finally had boundaries and he didn’t respect and just got worst and more aggressive.
I’m sorry you went thru all that and still have to deal with court and his rage after. Please find somwhere safely away and fully protected from his separation abuse. ❤❤❤
You are not alone. I lived through similar. Never apologized and his toxic/narc family who lived across the street became an army for him to stand behind. His mother lead sargeant in charge. She sat back and watched her son abuse me and did nothing. Finally free as he is in another country starting another family with new supply. Thankful he’s gone and thankful I survived.
You aren’t his mother 😉
This is EXACTLY how I grew up. The family of origin continues this cycle. I’m so glad I’m out
My experience too. My mother threw the rage tantrums when I said the wrong thing. They came out of nowhere. She yelled. My father yelled. It didn’t matter what the facts were. I was always guilty. They double teamed me all the time to keep me in submission and fear. Then when enough time had passed it was as if it never happened. No apologies. No reconciliation. They decide when they have had enough distance and expect me to just show up when they are ready to make nice again. Years go by. I left and got married and started my own family. The same abuse continued. My children grew up during these long silences and thank God never wanted to know their grandparents.
@@jarenkoelzer1994 over 6 years no contact for me.
@@sallybucket6924 I am so, so sorry that you know what this is like. ❤
Lived through this for too many years. Toxic AF. Leaving was liberation.
My ah-ha moment before my narc dad passed was when I confronted him on how his constant threats to disinherit me opened an old wound. He replied “I would NEVER say such a terrible thing!” (After he just did it again.)
I’m grateful for such blatant gaslighting because it’s as close to validation and closure as I’ll ever get.
My dad uses this tactic, too.
Same here…When I confronted her later in life in her old age, she said, “Me? Nooo, I would never do that. ” lol
My narc dad ties this tactic. I took the power away from him by saying “go ahead, I don’t care if you do. I am not waiting for you to die to get your money”. He looked so deflated, I could see his brain scrambling to try and figure out how that threat did not work and what is he going to do now. He has tried that line two or three times afterwards again, I could see he is using it to test the waters to see if he could regain some kind of control in that area and I would tell him “I told you before to do it. I don’t care”, it really upsets his ‘sensitive disposition’ 😆
@@niagara6015 I can relate to this. I haven’t spoken to my family in years, and their biggest threat was taking away financial support. I never needed their financial support ever in my life anyway. I wish I knew that as a child, but I got away from them permanently at 24. I haven’t even seen or spoken to them in years. Life is good.
@niagara6015 Lol, I did something similar… “It’s good financial planning to spend it all before your time runs out. It’s your money. Enjoy it.” Taking away that lever didn’t stop him from trying, however. They choose control over connection every time.
❤️
My favorite part is “when they spit out their pacifier and get mad “
lol
This is probably the only area where I haven’t gaslit myself; I absolutely know that I’ve been raged on and absolutely know that within a couple hours or days there will be discomfort but the incident will never be addressed. I honestly don’t care any more that the person is pouting or giving the silent treatment, I don’t engage. Maybe it’s radical acceptance but even if they make some flimsy attempt at apolgies, I just shrug because this crap never, ever changes. I don’t even engage in the rage any longer, I just walk away. It’s sickening.
My dad. Huge rage tantrums and then the next day he was happy as a clam. The rest of us would be traumatized.
Describes my ex to a T
My father actually joked saying “Do you want to referree tonight?”
My late n-mother 😢
Same.
That was my dad too. smh
I read somewhere in reddit “parents don’t view us as humans or like we have feelings” I feel like this is a core part of narcissism and narcissistic abuse
I was told that I was treated like a doll. One that got thrown away the next time a new baby arrived.
@@LindaMcLean-j7b yeah there is an aspect of removing our humanity completely and devaluing starts if they saw us as humans they would atleast care about our feelings but no we are the ones to see their humanity but not the other way around.
@@LindaMcLean-j7b another comment said that parents themselves as god etc and that they don’t value anything we have to say anything
As a parent, I get abused by my daughter..unless you become a parent, it difficult to understand what the parent tolerates
@@mardjanehknights9870
Unless you’ve endured child ab-use, it’s difficult to understand what a child is forced to tolerate and survive. Toxic narcissist parents don’t view their kids as human beings. They view them as extensions of themselves who should always do what they’re told. I’m generalizing because one size doesn’t fit all, but it almost does.
As someone who is still enduring abuse from a toxic narcissist, I empathize with your situation, but I’m not sure where you were going with that, ’cause what it sounds like is you’re giving toxic narcissist parents an excuse, but that can’t be what you’re doing. It just sounds like it from the outside. Just saying.
Hubby did this yesterday in front of his home aide. She was flabbergasted. And yes, I’m always the one who “holds onto anger, who can’t forgive, and remembers things ‘wrong’.” I’m tired of it.
Same, I hope you get the strength to leave and get the peace you deserve.
This is my experience too. I’m so tired of it.
I let everything go as I’m too scared to speak up, it’s rinse and repeat constantly.
Im too tired to care anymore. ❤
@NoNameNomad…. Big hugs to you!
Not his mother & he’s never growing up 😉
@jwcats2004 same to you ❤
And thank you, it’s lonely when I’m not isolated, I still pretend everything is going well. So thank you.
I’ll get there
@NoNameNomad….You will.
My ex would hit me and then literally say “no I didn’t” as if he genuinely blocked that part out. I think he truly believed the lies he told himself.
As long as he abused his victim then he can get away with it 😉 your walking away is when he can’t tell the lie anymore 👍 until the next victim
They brainwash themselves to believe they are good by repeating statements of how good they are or how bad you are.
So Brilliant. Narcissists are Masters of The Double Standard, and live by a completely different set of rules that no one else is allowed to live by. “In case you’re wondering, is this happening to anyone else? It’s happening to everyone else.”
Oh, yes.
The only predictable thing about them is their unpredictability.
The worst part was when she denied things I knew she said.
I have witnessed unhinged RAGE from my x narc. It was AWFUL and CRAZY. He never owned his horrid behavior once or apologized for it. I went no contact 4 years ago. It was the BEST thing I ever did for me.
Same! What a relief to have my ex out of my life! We don’t deserve their rage and never did.
Same.❤ No contact for one year now, the best decision but still ruminating as to why on earth I allowed them – anyone – to treat me like this.
It’s like Dr Ramani has taken the roof off my house and peered inside to the life I’m living 😢
I was once in a relationship with an ex that was a rage filled narcissist. I had to get out of that relationship and stop contact. The narcissist will not improve because you want them to. Rarely do they ever take accountability and improve. Best to either end it or if it’s someone you have to interact with for custody visits, or its your own adult child, minimize contact and live separately. My time, fortunately only about a year, with my narcissist ex, was the worst months of my life. It never gets better.
Think of yourself if possible leave life’s to short to put up with horrible crap.
Same with me juliannea 😢
So sorry for you. If you ever will be able to break free life will be so much better.
I never really noticed how my father and sometimes mother would act like children when I start telling them truths.
My Father called me up one time and screamed at me for not visiting my mom EVERY day in the Nursing Home. HE put her in there the minute she was diagnosed with dementia. He didn’t want strangers in his house. A year later I brought it up and he had a major denial meltdown. I was sitting in a chair in his house. He got in my face and screamed at me like a crazy person. He called me delusional and all kinds of other things. I was sitting there terrified that he might hit me. I am in my freaking 60’s and he thinks he can scream in my face. He also said that he and my mom thought that I stopped maturing at age 9. I finally have boundaries after a lot of therapy. I no longer speak to him.
When the narcissist is devaluing you, you will notice they will grow distant, they’ll stop engaging in conversation with you, even when you try to have a conversation with them like you normally would,. They’ll shrug their shoulders, raise their eyebrows, and spread their arms open, palms u, like they have no idea what you mean. Continuing the devaluation process, they will get snarky with you, they’ll start to treat you like you’re stupid, they’ll scoff at what you say when you ask what’s wrong. They won’t take anything you have to say seriously because they’re no longer listening to you. And if they are listening to you, they will completely dismiss what you have to say in order to reply. They don’t listen with the intent to understand what you’re saying, because they don’t care, they just want to reply and put you down. They will start mumbling about you undertheir breath, but just loud enough for you to hear what they’re saying so that when you respond you will be accused of starting the argument that will definitely follow. They will make mountains out of molehills, and just generally act disgusted with your presence in their life. They will ignore you, they will go for days without speaking to you even if you live in the same house. They will brush past you like you’re not even there. And when you have something to say they will act like it’s a huge deal for them to respond and they will disagree with every single thing you have to say to them whether it’s true or not. If you say the sky is blue they’ll say it’s black. If you say you feel like there’s something wrong between the two of you, you will get that classic narcissistic pose of them raising their eyebrows and spreading their arms and say something to the effect of well you should know what’s wrong you’re here. What do you think is wrong? And whatever it is you say whether it’s how you feel they’re distancing themselves from you or they don’t want to spend time with you anymore you’ll get that classic narcissistic pose again and when you question that they will either just flat out ignore you or they will twist it around to where it is your fault that they’re not speaking to you or that they’re speaking of you in an inferior way. And they will make you feel inferior, you can’t do anything right, you can’t say anything right and you definitely cannot understand them the way they want you to understand them. You will catch them in a little lies, that will make you second guess yourself, and by the end, you’ll be second-guessing everything you ever knew them to be, everything they’ve ever said to you, everything they did for you you won’t be sure of anything. You will have changed so much of yourself to make them happy that you won’t know who you are when you’re left on your own and they still won’t be happy they’ll just want you to change more.
They’ll start spending more time away from home, and when they get there they’ll act like they want to be anywhere else but where they are. They’ll stick their face in the TV and it will stay there and they will tune you out like you aren’t even there. They’ll ignore what you have to say any questions you have to ask will never get answered, and so you will be left to fill in the holes the best you can with what you’re being given.
They will start calling you names, putting you down, treating you like you’re a gnat that keeps flying in their face and they can’t swat you away. You’re a nuisance. A pest, and all they want to do is get rid of you
If you dare ask why they’re treating you this way, they will turn it around on you and say that you’ve been treating them that way and they’re just giving it back to you, even when they know they’re the ones being mean and nasty and hateful to you. They can never be the guilty party, they must always play the victim and will announce it to the world how horribly you treated them. The thing they don’t realize, in their infinite narcissistic wisdom, is that True victims don’t generally announce to anyone that they are a victim. True victims are generally too ashamed and embarrssed to be a victim of anything or anyone. But the narcissist has to get on that smear campaign and beat you to the punch to safeguard that bullshit reputation that they conned everyone into believing. They don’t tell people that they are a different person behind closed doors, only that you are a terrible horrible person and they just don’t understand why youve become so awful towards them. This way they know that no one will believe you when you tell people how they treated you, and think you’re crazy for leaving such a swell, upstand Ing guy like them.
Devaluation is the beginning of a confusing and detrimental nightmare, but is not as bad as the Discard phase that will soon follow.
And, of course, it’s nothing they did to you. It’s always twisted around to where nothing is their fault, and everything is laid on you. Additionally, If you need to find out about a Cheating Narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com