Why self forgiveness is essential after a narcissistic relationship
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I believe self-forgiveness is essential. We must stop blaming ourselves for what another person did to us. It was not your fault. If you had known what they were going to be like, you never would have gotten involved.
Or been born
I saw, but I didn’t want to see…I was too caught up in the “love bomb” or Cinderella story…
@@amyadams3215
Alao the gut or wierd feeling that a younger self doesn’t comprehend… or talks oneself out of because “oh they didn’t mean it, “. …
No way I could forgive a person who kept lieing and cheated for years. They don’t want to stop.
It is sooo liberating,I totally agree Dr.Ramani.
We don’t have to forgive them to heal them , they don’t deserve. Forgiving self for believing in them is the beginning of self healing..
Their healing is their responsibility to work through.
Oh gosh, yes I really beat myself up for 8 years for being so ridiculous to have fallen for the person in question. And I did not even speak out about the person behavior ever to any one (on his side friends family etc) an shouldered the blame for years. I never forgave him, but It also too far too ling to forgive myself, and on a bad day I still have to come back to dr Ramani for some reprogramming!
Thank good Ness she is around!
Thank yiu for highlighting the self forgiveness is utmost important.
Self forgiveness is essential but hard to do, when I saw the red flags and my better judgment knew it wasn’t right and wanted (should) to end it, instead of making excuses and thinking, hoping and expecting the relationship to get better.
We are made of conscious and unconscious fields which are more difficult to hear. And yet there they are,parts of us. I sometimes don’t know why I act the way I do but I know there’s a reason for it, under the surface. I also know that when I know better and I mean really know better, I do better. If the maths don’t add up. I’m unaware of all the equations. That’s ok. I don’t pretend to be all knowing anyway 😜
But I’m always grateful for new insights. And I’ve learned to be perfectly content with that, for now. And now is all I need. Because that’s all I have. And I chose to align with the present moment.
I feel ya in this one. I spend decades in learned self hatred and blame, only when I learned more about trauma bonding, human reactions to the subtle abuses some of us grew up with, survival psychology, etc etc did I realize how much it makes the most sense for me to have chosen and stayed with (and in my case ended up with similar in romance, friends, and employments) someone who mistreats me so much. I now value myself and my drive for connection and attachment and see that as both a beautiful and human thing, and without discernment (that was broken by my parents and the cult they ran), something that has kept me from the very things I seek.
So now I’m learning discernment on every increasing levels in my every day life (I’m almost at masters level, next up. Phd 😊). you got this, you might not believe in you, but you can borrow others belief in you till yours is strong enough.
@@orielwiggins2225 I love what you say.
Years ago, when I was at my worst emotionally I woke up and first thing I saw was the word ” discernment” in golden capital letters above my head. It left me a bit puzzled to be honest because that wasn’t a word I was familiar with ( obviously 🥴😆) and didn’t pay attention to it. Only that damn thing kept coming to my awareness throughout the day. So I wrote it down. And a few days later went to check the meaning of it in more depth.
I guess that’s exactly what I needed at the time.
@sunbeam9222 oh my gosh. I just got chills reading that. That’s amazing.
@@orielwiggins2225 ❤️❤️❤️
Forgiveness = Back to business as usual but increased intensity and frequency. Also cannot ever call them out again.
That’s the false definition I was taught and lived by (very well, I might add, I was really good at self blame and abandonment) in the family of origin and cultish (one or two were actually cults) churches I was part of. But I no longer think that’s what forgiveness means. That’s just flat out delusion. Even a healthy version of that isn’t really forgiveness, it’s reconciliation, and like Dr Ramani mentioned here, requires change she rebuilding on the perpetrators part. But even that should never be required or demanded. It’s a bonus and grace of the forgiving person.
I was able to forgive my mom, but not forget the traumas, she had passed away and I realized how sick she was. She had no ability to be well, whole and be a loving mother. She was incapable. She was dead and not able to inflict any more damage. I am reaching self forgiveness and peace ( finally) age 68.
I’m 66 & it’s the mother betrayal that’s still the most difficult to process 💔❤️🩹♥️
No forgiveness for the narcissist it wouldn’t be genuine. Almost like a never ending cycle. I am learning to forgive myself! I did some serious rolling in the mud, I had narcissistic fleas.. an excuse , no ! learn by it and I’d never do it again! Being raised by a psychopath (narc) I lived a life with just one foot in. Hopefully Dr Ramani will be around a long time Ty doc!
“Nobody is graceful when they’re trying to survive”
Thank you Dr Ramani 🥺🙏🏻
Every single day I tell myself “I did the best I could”. I really did.
Especially as kids 💔❤️🩹♥️ we just survive
Those were my last words before I left.
@gabiwhite960 I just didn’t that today. I have still question this at the moment, did I? Hopefully, with time, I will accept that I did my best.
@@amyadams3215 Yes, yes you did!!!! I was the most persistant person, trying my best for 10 years! I regret for staying so long, because NOTHING CHANGED for better. And I did my best in the first 5, and first 3 years too! And even then I got little or nothing in return
@@amyadams3215 Yes you did !!!!! ♥️
Yes Dr. Ramani. I am not divine, I’m not God. My forgiveness cannot produce, change in another person. That’s up to them. I’m just a human being, who enjoys living a peaceful life, with caring people in it.
Nobody is graceful when trying to survive, wow love that.
As I healed perspective shifted. I tried thinking of him but there was nothing much to ponder about. No energy for that type of activity, good or bad. This person isn’t part of my life anymore and it felt like having to think about someone in the far distance. If I really pushed the thought, tbh all I heard myself think was : I don’t know and I don’t care. I don’t know what they’re doing or thinking or experimenting and I just genuinely don’t care.
I think my child self has forgiven me for the self abandonment, the lack of boundaries, the non prioritizing her more because she knows I didn’t have the skills back then and she also knows I have them now: the skills to listen to her, to protect and soothe her and she trusts that such experience won’t happen again.
We’re both happy, my child self and me and willing to carry on with life as besties 🎉
This is beautiful. I’m in the last bit, learning to nurture and love where I’ve been conditioned to abandon self. Thank you fir sharing. It’s encouraging.
Indifference is just fine 😉
Life gives hard lessons, so not only self forgiveness is essential but also to be able to get the skills to protect yourself from any kind of predators in the future ! A brilliant mind is always a good weapon. 😎
I so love and appreciate your comment on forgiveness.
I love Dr Ramani, her videos, her personality, her work is so important… Wishing her all the best 🙏🏽🩷
Me too!
Dr. Ramani, I’m so grateful to life for your existence ❤ from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!! for everything you do to help us 🫶🏻 you’re healing us one heart at a time ❤ sending you love & blessings ✨
Wow, what a lesson today! That is such valuable contents! Every day you are making us stronger taking us by hand all the way through our healing. Much love to you and your team.
Thank you Dr Ramani for always advocating for our healing and recovery from such horrendous mistreatment. I appreciate you so much for your stance against such hurtful defenitions of and pressure around forgiveness. And for shedding so much light on the dangers of allowing people who have no interest in changing behavior to continue to do so under whatever righteous guise.
Thank you too for confining to share such valuable content for our continued healing on this channel for free to those if us who cannot afford your programs or therapy with a competent, Narcissistic abuse recovery skilled therapist.
There’s such a huge difference between forgiveness and forgetting, reconciliation, trust, etc. And I love that you ended this collection with the importance of working towards learning to forgive ourselves. It’s one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and if we ever do get to a place if genuine forgiveness of others, the best version of that comes later of its own accord, from a solid sense of self forgiveness. Perfectly stated.
They intentionally hurt others because that’s how they self regulate but it’s difficult to forgive ourselves after we wake up to the truth
The self blaming comes in. Did I do enough?