Why the narcissist wants you to perform
Being authentic sounds great—until you try it with a narcissist. Suddenly, you’re punished for showing up as yourself, and fawning feels safer than being real. In these relationships, you learn to perform, to please, to shrink—just to keep the peace. This video unpacks why being true to yourself feels so risky with a narcissist, and why it’s not your fault.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely
Remember there was a time when you didn’t know them and you were doing just fine..you can be authentic again..and can live without them.
I WISH!!!
@@letyourlightshine99 you don’t have to wish, why do you underestimate yourself?
@@letyourlightshine99🙏💝
There was never a day in my life that I didn’t know them. There was no such time to remember.
@@DaphneBlack963 Me too.
The purpose of FAWNING and any defense mechanism is to disarm the aggressor long enough for you to get to a safe place, NOT think you are going to convert the aggressor with the fawning into being the safe place ⚔️😎⚖️
amen.
Oh yes, well said!
Took me over ten years to get over the loss of myself. I re found me and healed some childhood wounds along the way. I am now my own big dog 😂
Aye that’s what I’m talking about😂😂
The irony of authenticity is when narcissists complain about how they should be able to do and say things as they see them without a filter or facing consenquences but then expect you to walk on eggshells and suck up to them, only for them to call you a faker
I share a similar experience.
Yep! “Authenticity” is only for them, not for everyone else!
My old boss was this to a t. He was so hypocritical and always the victim how no one would let him “be himself” but oh he’d rage at you if you in any way he perceived bruising his ego (which was any and everything) but if you walked on eggshells and gray rocked he’d glare at you and say you were ignoring him and “not relational” and everything was wrong with you. You couldn’t win. He was such a drama queen and as attention wh*re.
@@RM-qq5rj Yeah, even if you walk on eggshells and try to appease a narc, you can NEVER, ever do anything right, according to them!
@@christinelamb1167 nope they think they’re always right and you’re always wrong. Catch 22 with them
Just like everything else in life, being has consequences.
This makes sense; it can be narcissistic to say “why don’t you love me for being authentic” well? a person might not like you and that’s okay..we’re not made to please one another, it’s not an obligation, but to cohabitate with each other on this world
Robert Palmer said it best “a pretty face dont make no pretty heart”. A lot of us just fall for physical beauty.
Conservative media does that a lot. It’s all about the theatrics and using the “sex sells” principle to push their narratives.
Sometimes the physical beauty does have a pretty heart and those around them are jealous and look to make life hard on the physically beautiful thinking they have it easier or life is better because of the physical beauty. So that saying is not necessarily true, look at Salena the singer or how the physically beautiful are treated often times. The physical beauty gets surrounded by abusers and those with un-pretty hearts who want access and proximity to them because of their beauty. Then they start to compete with them or take advantage of them or pick on them because of their jealousy of the physical beauty, and people constantly try to sabotage them or paint them in an unfavorable light.
Initially, looks are all we have to go on. We do notice people’s appearance first—face, body, hair, clothing then hopefully proceed from there to find connections of actual substance.. In my experience, many more men choose attractive women to show off to others because they’re programmed to be visual and competitive.. In old school dating ads, men overwhelmingly mentioned something specific about a woman’s looks or body type, whereas women more often stated the character or personality traits they wanted.
“You have to leave room for other people’s ideas and opinions. Otherwise, the same thing is just going to keep happening over and over and over again.” – Wenzes for the Winzes
Please dont go too much into the grey dr. Ramani !!!
– your authenticity is exactly why i keep coming back to your channel 🙂
Better than any therapist or philosophy/spiritual/psychological “guru “ sessions I’ve ever paid for. Came to this channel to find told for narcistic relationship that I’m stuck in and actually found actual tools that I can apply and I think everyone could benefit from!!!! Thank you Dr. Ramani. Hallelujah 🎉
I shield my precious authenticity and keep it to myself, especially around the unhealthy abusive people who do nothing but try to harm me and shame me for who I am. Being discerning and mindful. Protecting me! ❤Thank you Dr Ramani
Yep!
What?! I was told that was therapy.
Omg. Dr. Ramani. You “ate me up” as the kids say lol. One of my first attachments was my twin sister. And from childhood she’s been so cruel to me. She’s never been a safe space or warm place for me. And for the past 30 years I’ve been searching for her replacement. A “best friend” who will be everything to me. I guess that is “infantile” to expect that to be the case. And I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I’ve spent most of my life searching for someone that doesn’t exist. I need to be that for myself. I’m grateful for this day. Thank you for this video. April 18th, 2025. A turning point in my life. I am going to make efforts to be my own best friend and be healthier and kinder towards me. Thank you so much again.
Oh, Dr Ramani, you have outdone yourself with this one—so many quotable quotes, amen-able and t-shirt-able gems.
This is your next TED Talk. ❤
The narcissist in my life claimed to be “authentic” while yelling at me and berating me. All this after going through my personal journal and using it against me.
Thank you for outlining what true authenticity means Dr. Ramani ❤
God Bless Dr. Ramani! Been there, got the T-shirt, mine also did the doppelganger thing. Suddenly the genre of music that I enjoyed, suddenly it was all over his play lists, it was weird. It was like he was taking anything that I enjoyed and stealing the enjoyment from it. It felt to me like after that, it was contaminated. I switched to contemporary Christian music, which he was seemingly allergic to ( except for 1 song by plum). Thank goodness thats in the past, Dr. Ramani has helped immensely. Kudos to her! Have survived it and am into my healing journey.
The last one I knew was apparently obsessed with conveying how authentic , genuine and empathetic they were. and commented on how authentic I was as well….until they changed their mind.
My narc mother loves to say: “I’m just talking the truth.” But, how come that truth is never something positive or comes with kindness? 😮
That’s exactly how I see it. I think the best authenticity is when a genuine conversation can happen, sharing likes dislikes and accommodation and flexibility. Very few people seem able to do this and be genuine, respect others, be thoughtful and introspective.
And how’s come they can’t take the same truth when you tell them something?
Ok my evil stepmonster would say something similar to “I’m just taking the truth” just know that that is code for I’m lying or twisting the truth!
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It’s quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Jefshroomies is your guy. The best shrooms and psychedelics guy I know
I wish those were more accessible here.
Microdosing was the next thing I planned for my husband. He’s 59 & facing many mental health issues, probably CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma for 8 days. Sadly, I had to get a TPO because he’s 6’6, over 300 pounds, and displaying violent behavior, always talking about hurting others. He’s really aggressive. If anyone out there knows about BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?
Is he listed on Google ?
‘Jefshroomies’, a renowned figure in his line of work. I recommend researching his credentials further.
I love how she continues to drill down and explain the importance of the context, intent, and nuance of all these situations, buzzwords, and tactics zipping around the internet. The confusion just dissipates.
Doctor Ramani is so solid. She will un-F your mind. Almost always. ❤🎉🤘🏽🎸✌🏼
Thanks for this wise and discerning discussion. We don’t want to let authenticity spill into the realm of self-righteous jerk.