Words that keep the trauma bond alive
Sometimes all it takes is a single phrase from a narcissist to make you question everything. Those words can feel like validation—but they’re actually what keeps the trauma bond in place. In this video, Dr. Ramani exposes the exact language narcissists use to pull you back in.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Currently stuck in a trauma bond relationship trying to get out 13 years of emotional abuse feels like I’m on a roller coaster 😢 I just want to be free
You got this….ua just gotta hang in there until you hes gone. Im glad you know what you want..proud of ya
Get the book, confront your fears dr Ramani is a big help
You are slowly freeing yourself now. Every small thing that’s positive for you, is an act of freeing yourself.
Do all thing’s that will move you to complete independence from the Narc-0-pathic people. DOING so undetected… A must.
One day at a time. You’re stronger than you think! Once you make the move to end it once and for all you’ll slowly get yourself back. It’s not easy to do but I know you will one day at a time. Much peace and happiness coming to you! ❤️
A narcissist’s apology is basically “I’m sorry.. but not really sorry.”
“I’m sorry for how this situation is affecting me and how others perceive me.”
I’m so not into listening to narcissists so I really don’t care what they say. I just tell them;
“That’s your opinion. I have another. You could be wrong you could be right”
And I definitely don’t cooperate with them.
I do not want an apology, I just vanished, no contact at all. Hard sometimes, but hang in there, get dr Ramani’s book, try to read a bit at a time, it is very restimulating , it helped me a lot. But stay on the alert and know you can do it.❤️
Same. Although something I did triggered the person, the way they spoke to me and some history, going back some years, that others picked up on, I decided we’d have a more comfortable working relationship, if we simply kept it all business. So, when they later started taking to me about something rather benign, bit more on the casual level, I told them we should just keep it neutral and only talk about business, from here on. I don’t know that they’re a “narcissist”. But, they have an occasional habit of being disrespectful, ignoring and maybe nasty and, even though our boss would absolutely condone it, I feel it’s up to me, as to how I’m treated. I’m disinterested in navigating this person’s moodiness, walking on eggshells and being told, on some days, that they’re going to be in a bad mood, conveying that I need to watch out. I also know that, with our boss’s support, they’ll return to their default anyway. How they took my disconnect, I really don’t care.
They can also throw out an action as a breadcrumb too after issues…They definitely make me feel like the problem. Now they try to be polite and silent and not push boundaries after they know I know their playbook and even if I shouldnt I call it out to them. No accountability for sure! Act like nothing happened or blame me. And try to get others to see I am to blame. More isolation. 😢
So true doc. The phrases are by-hearted by them and they will just throw around these phrases and they know we will fall for them. They have learnt that it has an effect on us. It is confusing, really. Thank you so much for throwing light on this confusing topic. Much needed for me today.
❤❤
It’s wild how just a few words can trap your brain in a loop of pain… I’ve been exploring how these hidden emotional triggers shape the mind—especially the ones no one talks about.
My experience is that for some narcs it is next to impossible to extract an apology from them because they flip everything around and make it all your fault, won’t even share ownership for whatever happened. For those that have apologized, they are sorry that they are being asked to be accountable but will repeat the transgression at their earliest convenience.
No apologies, run
So very true! 💯
This is so true, validating, and helpful to break free of the sticky, harmful trauma bond. Thank you Dr. Ramani❤❤❤
“Stop settling for the pizza party ” mic drop 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤 AWESOME fkn exit doc 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿👊🏿👊🏿
100% spot on. They are very broken human beings 🙄
I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call them actual human beings. They’re more like actual demons masquerading as humans. 🎉
My Christian MOMster has SADISTICALLY CATHOLIC tendencies
🎯 I struggled with this for almost 20 years. I felt guilty because he said nice things every once in a while, which I cherished, but still felt angry. Now I know why. It wasn’t accountability, it was buying time until he hurt me again. Thank you, Dr. R, for putting into words what I could never understand or explain.
I think the easiest way to get out of trauma bond is to remember who they truly are. I had a list that reminded me of all the things he had TRULY done. So whenever he came back with a “nice charm” I knew to look at the list and to believe in actions. Not words.
Another way I have thought similar to yours is: if I know what he has done and who he is and he looked like an old and totally unattractive man would i want him around?
Honestly I don’t even want an apology. I just want their absence from our lives. That’s it.
It’s like the last stage. I feel it too.
Yes, it’s because I never forget who they really are. Radical acceptance.
100%
Exactly! Fake apologies get old!
An apology without a change in behavior is simply manipulation
Exactly!!!.
Thank you,that’s great advice to know 🙂
Didi, congratulations!! Two million subscribers now. A testimony to the great work, a support to too many🎉
They will destroy your soul, your life, your joy.
2 MILLION…. WOW! Congratulations 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
It’s incredible how much you understand about narcissists. Everything you just said, it felt like you were talking to me directly.
My husband found a way for the past few years, how to give me a “compliment” every time I would be on to him when I sensed he was cheating on me. I only found out recently that he’d been cheating with prostitutes for the past three years and when I found out about it all, he said he wasn’t sorry and that I drove him to it.
And He knew a compliment would give me enough hope to think he might change but in reality he was buying himself time until the next time I became suspicious and he bragged about this to one of his friends (which I recently found out) about how simple and naive I was and how easily it was to keep me happy with a few kinds words but again it was always for his benefit. I see it all now. Thanks so much for your content, absolutely amazing!