You want the narcissist to SEE YOU, but they want you to READ THEIR MIND
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They’re not concerned about you, other than just getting you to read their mind about what it is that they want from you. They want you to pacify and placate them, regulate their emotions, be their caretaker, make them feel better about themselves. Because they’re children in adult bodies. They cannot take care of themselves emotionally. Their parents never taught them how to self-regulate. Which is why they constantly cause chaos and drama. Because they want you to attend to them.
Thank you, it finally makes sense!
💯my mother. She took me down and didn’t care one bit
That’s very well explained however, the difference with a child is that a child will be placated, comforted and grow and develop. These people suck you dry, don’t grow or develop and never stop….
So true, even if the narcissist is a law firm head, wealthy, intellectually gifted.
They are stuck in drama and in denial that that is SO, because they are control FREAKS.
The best relationship with narcs is no relationship with them at all. Better alone then unhappy.
CORRECT
CORRECT
@@nikola4986 Amen! 🙏🏼😅
En zo is het maar net.
@@nikola4986 thank you Captain Obvious 😂 where were you 27 years ago before this whole thing started. Trick now is how do I get out of this fire fight without a mortal wound.
They don’t see us or hear us. We only exist when they need us. Our needs go down the drain.
So true… only when they need us. But there’s No Honor in constantly being needed. It’s really, I need to use you, exploit you, abuse you, and or drain/destroy you.
‘if i could read your mind love, what a tale that thought would tell’ . . . good morning!!
I wish narcissists could read my mind, the times I’m biting my tongue about things they do or say.
🙌🏼😆
Absolutely
@@youngblood8540 me too. Hopefully my wife will read my mind this year when she says something like she does nearly every year “I’ve done all this work making dinner decorating etc and no one appreciates it!” Maybe she’ll hear me say in my mind “Yeah because none of us asked you to do it or wanted you to do in the first place.”
Merry Christmas to you all 🧑🎄
“You should know better!” I heard that nearly everyday of my life. Even though I was only an infant. Being an infant or a child was “no excuse” not to be able to mind read.
I laughed when you said whining & crying is cute in a baby but not in a 45 yr old man. So true 😂
Or a 62 year old woman.
Facts! 💯🙌🏾
The woman with me is 62. A couple weeks ago we found a letter that her mom/trainer wrote to her years ago. Her mother died about 5 years ago. It was such sobby victim crap in the letter it was almost nauseating. Poor me, no one appreciates me on and on and all related to stuff that no one asked her to do. My wife hated when she did that kind of stuff but now since she’s more or less becomes the same kind of person she actually said “Oh my poor mother.”
@DamonvanDerSalm been there buddy. It’s been 3 years of mind twisting virtuous victimhood. Keep your reality.
@@Deepintent yes the virtuous, self righteous attitude is just exhausting. Also the constant need for admiration adulation commendation etc is too.
We are told we are selfish and uncaring and punished for it
Wow, so Brilliant. Had to immediately watch twice. If I had a dollar for every time I said, “How was I supposed to know that?” Needing and expecting attunement is normal, and it is NOT expecting people to read your mind. Never kick yourself for wanting to be seen as a separate entity. They are infants in adult bodies.
So honored to be able to bask in the collective wisdom and power of Dr. Ramani and this community.
I can’t afford therapy at the moment, so these daily uploads and the Dr. Ramani network have been my lifeboat!
One night I broke down in the shower — I was having a terrible day since we had been arguing all summer. UNSUPPORTIVE was his favorite word. HIS feelings took priority — his discomfort over my crying was more important and HE started to get sad.
It turned into another night on the couch of me convincing myself each stirring in the bedroom was going to be him coming to scoop me up off the couch…
So glad that’s over. Wish I didn’t have eye boogers still hanging on but it’s okay been a few months.
I tell everyone that Dr. Ramani’s videos are the next best thing to therapy.
This LITERALLY just happened. I wasn’t included in a major purchase (bought and paid for) and when I spoke up for myself I was told I was being ridiculous, and it was implied I was also being selfish for my position of simply wanting to be included or at least having a discussion for my preferences and needs to be heard, since this purchase was only for me to use. This spiraled into multiple fights and after exhausting every example of if the shoe were on the other foot, I finally said “are you able to feel empathy in your spirit” there was No ANSWER! Then they said I forgive you for acting upset , I said I forgive you too for not taking my feelings into consideration – the fight started all over again. There is NO WINNING with a Narc. This could have gone so many ways but this time was a dumpster fire the whole time.
…or an 83 year old man! All this reminds me of what I was dealing with 10 years before this past March. I too, was the ‘Invisible Woman’…until I was useful for him. I had to laugh when you said ‘even on their deathbed’ etc. That is exactly how it was and I did not expect anything different. The afternoon before he passed (put into a morphine deep sleep), I asked him if he had anything to say to me…and of course there wasn’t. I just smiled and left the hospital room, afterall I was also the caregiver for my 94 yo mother who was at home. When I got the call that he had passed, I shed tears of relief…and not the grieving wife. He finally has his peace (from himself) and thank God so do I. Enjoying waking up every morning with a smile on my face. Life is Grand again!
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wisdom and support all these years!
Again, I must ask if you are reading my mind. Again, you described my life experiences to a tee. Thank you, thank you for giving me a voice after all these decades. You are a God send.
They’re empty. We need to let go of them. Forever.
These videos have helped me a lot! For some reason, I seem to attract narcissistic people. Perhaps, it’s because I’m a compassionate, empathetic, forgiving person, and narcissistic people like to take advantage of that. But all I can say is, it is very emotionally draining! No matter how hard you try, they always make you feel like you’re never going to be good enough! I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t trust people and I’m afraid of letting people into my life, simply because I don’t want to be hurt again. So for the most part, I pretty much practice “no contact.” It’s comforting to know that I am not alone and that I am not seriously flawed, like so many narcissistic people had portrayed me to be! Thank you so much for these videos!
Some narcissists not only EXPECT you can read minds and bingo bango their wishes are granted, However, the flip side is true too, they think they can read yours, but they will never admit it unless they slip up.
Example:
During a big fight my now ex narcissistic husband actually blurted out “I can read YOUR mind and it PISSES ME OFF!!” and I just laughed.
Because IF he really read my mind, oh my, ! can’t even repeat what I was thinking, but I would be alone and happy.
And I did eventually secure my freedom but it took 20+ years of living in terror.
Good on you!
The inconsistency is so destabilizing! The times they pretend to be kind keep you believing they are good. I finally accepted that the cruel & dismissive version was their true self.
@@rebeccabryan117 I don’t the they are kind i would more call it nice because there is a cost involved. They want you admiration or they want it to be the ammunition they use against you in the future when you aren’t overly appreciative of that “kindness.”. My mother in law used to give so many gifts at Christmas and birthdays and virtually all of them were not needed or useful. Then later in the year you would get the question of “why aren’t you wearing that shirt I got you for your birthday?”
Same! The inconsistency kept me trapped for a long time.
Yesterday I was bawling my eyes out for various personal reasons. My narc mother looks at me and tells me to STOP CRYING LIKE A BABY! She’s not maternal at all. I don’t even know why she had two children.