7 Things Men Notice About an Older Woman (That She’s Trying to Hide)
Dating again after 40, 50, or a long marriage — and quietly convinced you missed your window? Here's what a man is actually noticing across the table, and it's the opposite of what you're hiding.
Want to know how the man in your life REALLY experiences you? Take my free 2-minute quiz — it's honestly a little scary how accurate it is:
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🤍 Watch the full playlist on what men notice:
A client of mine — 54, brilliant, gorgeous, back out dating after a long marriage — told me she felt like she'd shown up to the party twenty years late with nothing but baggage and a body that's seen some things.
And I laughed. Not at her — never at her. I laughed because of what the man across from her was almost certainly thinking in that moment: the flat-out opposite of everything she was trying to hide.
In this video I'm walking you through seven things men genuinely notice about an older woman — the exact things she covers up with both hands, that are quietly doing all the heavy lifting for her. Whether you're newly divorced, dating again after years away, or wondering if the good ones are gone — this will change what you see in the mirror tomorrow morning.
▼ IN THIS VIDEO ▼
→ Why what you call "baggage" reads to him as the thing he's been starving for
→ The one thing missing in the first ninety seconds that he notices instantly
→ What he actually sees in your laugh lines (it isn't age)
→ Why it was never about your body changing
→ The blush one — what happens when you just say what you want
→ Why your "too much" is the reason he can finally relax
→ The feeling he can't name, and why it's almost exclusively an older woman's gift
If you've been searching for dating after divorce, dating over 50, what men find attractive in older women, or understanding male psychology — this is the breakdown.
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▼ ABOUT MAT ▼
Mat Shaffer is a former attorney turned dating and relationship coach for women. He helps women understand the way men actually think, feel, and connect — from inside the male mind.
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▼ CHAPTERS ▼
0:00 Twenty years late with nothing but baggage
1:19 #1 Her Story Reads as Depth
2:38 #2 She's Done Auditioning
4:11 #3 The Laugh Lines
5:33 #4 How She Inhabits Her Body
7:22 #5 She Knows What She Likes
8:56 #6 She's Got Her Own Shape
10:44 #7 She Feels Like Home
12:26 Final Thoughts
💬 Which of these seven surprised you the most? Tell me below 👇🤍
YAASSSS❤
🙏🙏🙏❤️✨
Confidence in your twenties is like a tag (hoping no one looks at it) 😂😂😂❤
That is such a perfect way to put it! 😄
@Mat_Shaffer I was quoting you, Max…sorry, forgot the quotation marks 😊
Thanks Matt ❤️😊🙏
You are so welcome! Glad it resonated with you. 💛
Ladies — number six is the one that’s going to start arguments down here (the “you’re too much” one). I stand by every word of it. Be nice to each other 💛
Which of these seven surprised you the most? Or which one are you realizing you already have — and have been apologizing for this whole time? Tell me below, I read every single comment.
And if you want to know how the man in your life is actually experiencing you, take my free 2-minute quiz here:
https://matshaffer.typeform.com/to/ZFhuDDN5?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=older-woman
I’m 51 and this video makes me feel that I will have hope to looking for the right man for me🙏🥰
That is so wonderful to hear, there is absolutely so much hope and beauty at every stage. 💛
This would be very good info for young women, they need to relax into their own selves, first.
Yes I hope a lot do them watch this video 🙂
I wish this info would have been available to me as a young woman. Excellent info at any age, though.
Mat, thank you! I found your course when I most needed it. I’m now writing a book on inner healing based on my experience… Loved this video!
That is incredible news, I am so honored to have played a small part in your journey! 💛
I am dating someone younger and the fact that I’ve been watching you about relationships in general, not knowing you had content on this particular topic is awesome but I leave it on in my living room while I do dishes and I kind of look and watch and love seeing his reaction because he was genuinely curious and listened to your entire video. Did not see that coming. I think you’re definitely more than on something.
That is so cool to hear, I love that it sparked some genuine curiosity for you both! 💛
I’m 70 he’s 62. Started talking as friends and he said we just clicked. Have so much in common. It’s wonderful. We’re never at a loss for words or communication. Been together 5 years. Intimacy is wonderful!
That is so incredibly beautiful to hear, thank you for sharing your story! 💛
I loved hearing this!❤❤😊😊
Thank you! I’m 63 and looking for love. This gives me hope❤️
I am not sure I believe this video. Most men that I have met are very intimidated by a woman who knows herself, values herself and has her own opinions. i fought for my peace and identity and eon’t compromise that for anyone.
It sounds like you have cultivated a great deal of self-respect, and there is certainly power in not compromising that for anyone. 💛
Older gals have a problem with confidence, at least I do. Thanks for the encouragement and kindness, Matt!
You can do it!
Yeah, no, I’ve personally found men are intimidated by my confidence & experience
Time to find some men who can handle you! 🙂
I mean…just normal people…right?
Society has thrown the energies off SO much, its miraculous that anyone has survived 😂.
I mean….not ALL okder women are beautiful, but the ones that are, are worth it 💕
Amen!
I’m 62, my fiance is 38. I often wonder what he saw in me, but he actually summed it up. You taught me what real love is. I was in a dark place and you saved me. It helps that we enjoyed each other’s company
such a beautiful share, I am so so happy for you two!! keep the love stories coming I love to hear them!! <3
I’m 75 he is 59. We get on so well. We hug and peck on the cheek,it’s gone on now for two years and we are going on holiday together
That is so wonderful to hear, have a fantastic time on your holiday! 💛
My Husband is 10 years younger and I distinctly remember him holding my hand one day when we were, ‘ just friends ‘ or so I thought at the time. It was on that moment that I realized he felt at home with me. He later told me that he had found me again as he always does throughout ‘ time ‘, meaning since the beginning of time !!! WOW, now it doesn’t get much more beautiful than that ! ♥️♥️
We don‘t need to hide anything 🫶😊❣️
This video brought tears to my eyes. I’m 63. I don’t look or feel my age because I take care of myself. I prefer younger men instead of men my own age for many reasons. Thank you for reminding me that there are still younger men who are attracted to older women. Gives me hope in finding love again.
Love your gems of wisdom. You have such a flair with language, Mat. And, as always, your charisma is off the charts.:) If you wrote books, they’d be bestsellers.:)
Yes to the “older” men looking for depth! I spend most of my time alone, being physically active outdoors, but always love a good talk about life and experiences. The past is the past for a reason, it isn’t baggage unless we continue to carry it forward. The future is what counts, especially in my 60’s!