The dark side of being the golden child in a narcissistic family
Ever wondered what happens when the golden child doesn’t live up to the hype? This episode explores the hidden shame, anxiety, and imposter syndrome that often follow being the "favorite" in a narcissistic family. Dr. Ramani exposes the emotional toll behind the pedestal and what it really costs to be seen as special. If you were ever told you were the best—this one’s for you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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Good day Dr Ramani, thank you for your content. You’ve been a tremendous help in my healing journey. Your content always resonates with me. At 64- I’m finally aware and I see through all the BS. I shared your content with many. Thanks again for supporting our community.
My parents weren’t narcissists but my mom had some related behaviors. My brother was definitely the golden child. Now in our 50s I see how it hurt him because the insane pressure he puts on himself to be perfect at everything is sad to me. I was more of the black sheep, although not to an extreme degree where I was totally outcasted, but I have it easier now that I put in the work raising my self esteem.
When a family eats its own no role is safe. The golden child may be the last one to go, but they are often the most blindsided by the narcissist. Our golden child got resentment instead of gratitude when she bought a house for the folks to live in during their retirement.
Well, I would of sold that house right away…. But I know easier said than done when mixed up with these kind of family relationships. 😵💫
It may seem like the Golden Child is the favored one, the lucky one. But the Golden Child knows they can be knocked off that pedestal at any moment, whenever they don’t live up to the narcissists expectations of perfection.
Were the parents not satisfied with the house the child bought for them?Was it not good enough for them, expensive enough, fancy enough?
Wow, I would be beyond GRATEFUL if someone bought me a house!
@@christinelamb1167 I don’t think it had anything to do with the house, but the necessity of the whole situation.
“Eats its own” is something I’ve never heard anyone say outside of myself. This is the shortcut I use to try to explain to the uninitiated what kind of family I come from. Sad that we’ve had to come to the same conclusion.
It can always backfire on the ones who were once spared from abuse
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I was my father’s golden child (and my mother’s scapegoat). Golden children often get a bad rap, particularly in movies/TV. I’m not denying that there are children out there who end up being as toxic as their parents and really play up their “status.” But there are also golden children out there–like myself–who are really just trying to survive. Our position is often precarious, and we’re bound by the laws of narcissism, just in a different way. We end up being overly anxious/depressed perfectionists rather than the grandiose, arrogant people envision us to be.
❤
Yep… exactly. I got fawn + flight responses and truth seeing, it’s a really bad mix.
You know what’s going on and how to avoid the storms, and you hate that you’re getting away with it, and you don’t know how to break free because that definitely would cause a storm.
Like the prison guard, we do live in the prison too…
Thank you so much for shedding light on the dark side and consequences of being the golden child. I was one. It took me 47 years, and watching one of your videos, to realize I was raised by a narcissistic parent. I cried with both relief and grief. That moment changed everything. It’s been three years since, and I’m still slowly learning who I truly am and how to protect myself.
When the golden goose doesn’t lay the golden egg, they get dethroned. That’s a lot of pressure for wee ones, my goodness!
My brother was dethroned when my mother met our stepfather. My stepfather sat on the throne for about 7 years before my brother regained he rightful spot. My brother is a frightening narcissist. It wasn’t until I was in my mid thirties that I realized. it was my mother terrorizing me through him.
There were only 2 of us in our family, my younger sister and I. She was the Golden Child, always has been, still is. My sister learned from my mother to treat me with disrespect and contempt. My step father was a flying monkey of my mother, and I was the so-called black sheep, the “problem” (scapegoat), the ostracized one of the family.
After so many years of trying to make my sister love me, I finally realized she is also a narcissist, just like my mother.
My step father is gone (died many years ago), and I have been no contact with my mother for 5 years, and my sister on and off for about 10 years, but now again for about 3 years.
It’s sad and lonely to not have a family.
Yep. You are not alone.
I relate to your story. God bless.
@@staceycampeau1729 ❤
I can relate. I’m the youngest of two. My older sister is a narcissist like my father. I’m the scapegoat. My mother had toxic traits. My mother died last year and left my narcissist sister as a beneficiary of an insurance policy. Her grandkids, (my kids) were left out as well. I felt hurt and told my narcissist father. He became angry and wanted to cuss me out. I’m trying to heal from the family toxicity of many decades.
This is 💯 my older golden brother and his narcissistic wife. They get away with horrific abusive behaviour, with everyone else in the family enabling them, only to then shame me when I exert healthy boundaries. So frustrating. Prioritizing my peace and safety. I know the truth. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you for always talking about the things people want to sweep under the rug and advocating for the abused❤
_Sometimes the de facto Golden Child has bipolar disorder and is also an autistic person who was brought into the trauma of an abusive biological father. The narcissistic mother quickly remarried less than a year after divorcing the abusive biological father. She did not want to get the children mental health therapy after that trauma because she was too busy playing the role of new wife to the decent and good stepfather._
_The older daughter was the scapegoat and truth-teller in grade school. The narcissistic mother destroyed the relationship between the two siblings and created false narratives, smear campaigns, and gaslighting/lying, coupled with revisionist history, to maintain her façade and perpetuate the charade. The narcissist actually LOATHES her GC son. He is simply a tool to be used and manipulated to gain her fuel._
_When the adult daughter approached the adult son twice to seek mental health therapy for siblings, the narcissistic mother struck it down and manipulated the situation so that the de facto Golden Child was not interested. The adult daughter (got therapy years ago) long ago went grey rock and does not associate with the narcissist and her few remaining flying monkeys._ 💗
*A house is only as sick as its secrets.*
😐 *Thank you Dr. Ramani for being a truth teller.*
Whew. Welcome to my world! Explains perfectly why I’m so exhausted on so many levels. Thank you.
Dr Ramani, thank you. What a deep dive! I once was a golden child now scapegoat. As the oldest I unknowingly did narcissistic dirty work. My once close brother is torn, still at home, failure to launch, stuck, fear of leaving, trauma bonded, “caring” for narcissistic, too bad ostracizing me for his own benefit. I’m healing and have moved on from this system. Great content/work!
I was the golden child, and I never enjoyed a day of peace. Still untangling it years after my parents passed. You’re right. It never ends well. But recognizing it for what it is helps. It’s a start.
I was golden child until my black sheep brother was unalived . Now I’m the black sheep and i see what they’ve been doing this whole time to both of us. NOTHING will EVER make them “happy’. The sooner you quit trying, the better sadly. I dug my hole deep. The harder i tried, the deeper i went.
I love your videos. You’re the one that awakened me to realize that I was the golden child of my narc family. I was the golden child for 37 years. I cut my entire family off, and now I’m the black sheep. I love being the black sheep. I’m living my best life while my narc family is receiving their karma for everything that they put me through! God is good!
Goldenchild here. A role I never asked for and was resented for by my siblings. I, in turn, praised my parents growing up not realizing what was being subtly done to my sisters. My brother is even more of a golden child just because he’s male. What my siblings don’t see is that I have to be perfect and had no boundaries with my parents. I now (thanks to your videos and therapy) have stopped telling my siblings that they need to “cut our parents slack”. I now see it from their pov and totally understand. I suspect my mother as the Narc and not my dad though. she played a major role in the triangulation of my siblings and I. This all resonates and it allows healing! thank you!!
Here’s something rarely talked about: When it’s your siblings, not your parents, who are narcissistic, they might erroneously believe you’re the Golden Child. They may criticize, demean, and beat on you your entire life, and blame you for every issue, call you spoiled and privileged, and dismiss your hardships and pain. They treat you as the skapegoat, but they believe you are the Golden Child and therefore deserve punishment and to be “taken down a peg.”
I’m struggling to cope with the end of my five-year relationship. Despite my best efforts, I haven’t been able to win him back, and the pain of his absence is overwhelming.
It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn’t just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Father Obah Eze has also helped my co workers and close friends and even family members get their ex back.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I’m genuinely impressed.
I wasn’t planning on commenting, but maybe someone here needs this. I spent years feeling like I was chasing my tail, repeating the same patterns, stuck in loops I couldn’t explain. Then I stumbled on The Hidden Jung Files by Elena Graves. It connected dots I didn’t even know existed—about my shadow, my fears, my purpose. If you’re feeling stuck too, maybe this is the nudge you need. Sending you love and clarity on your journey.