What can YOU change if the narcissist WON’T?
Are you still hoping the narcissist in your life will finally change, hear you, or meet your needs? That hope can quietly keep you stuck in a cycle of disappointment and self-abandonment. In this video, we explore the hard truth about change in narcissistic relationships—and what it means to shift the question from “Will they change?” to “What do I need to accept?” If you’re feeling exhausted by waiting, this perspective may be exactly what you need.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Dealing with a narc is like wrestling with water. Just get out of the pool before it drowns you.
You had been generous…is like wrestling with a pig!😮❤
Great analogy 😊
Very well said!
Or it’s like you’re in the water with the narc and you have to kick them away from you in order to stop them pulling you under with them. They drown eventually but make sure they’re still not clung to you when it happens! Love and light ❤
Amen!
You cannot change them….
I do not think narcs are able to change. In my experience they are becoming worst in their actions with aging.
Narcissists will make you think you’ll never change, like you’re stuck being who they say you are. But remember, that’s all an illusion. Change does not need their permission. You can always change your circumstances. It just takes small steps, one at a time, even when no one’s cheering you on.
No longer thinking I’m a professional A——-e whisperer
💪🏼
Only took 60 years 😜
Thanks Ramani!❤
You can’t change them—but you can change the way you respond, the way you protect your peace, and the way you stop explaining yourself to someone who’s not even listening. The Manipulation Detox by Lara Rock helped me realize that healing isn’t about fixing the narcissist—it’s about reclaiming yourself.
No such book. Good try, Bot. Reported.
@scandia67 The book exists because I just looked it up, of course I don’t know what the content is…😅
True❤ This kind of thinking has helped me navigate these relationships and get out of them (romantic ones and friendships), also work relationships. Once I start wanting important things to change and realizing that is who they are, I start feeling hopeless, sad, and kind of miserable when radically accepting the reality that they can’t change or meet those fundamental needs, then I can make an informed decision about the relationship even when I want it to work. It’s hard especially when we love someone, but radical acceptance is crucial. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, this is so helpful, validating, and healing ❤❤❤
You can’t reason with the unreasonable. Told one…”If discussing can resolve the issues, things would have been resolved 30 years ago”. You’ve forgived many times. An apology or any real accountability very rare. Things may improve for a short spell. But typically the dysfunctional patterns of behavior tend to continue. Radical acceptance key. Sometimes distance is needed for self preservation and peace.
Dr. Ramani , you really are sent by God for all of us experiences in narcissistic spouses.
You are spot on , this is the best video by far , it explains my life to the ‘T’.
Im contemplating divorce.
Okay, so now I’m going to have to be on furball farm feed for hours. Thank U, just the same, Dr. R. That was hard to take in, but so insightful and empowering. Life is good:)
🎶https://youtu.be/X1Fiubzi9ls?si=d3vMRGgpZt1U-nRA
I’m a dork! I actually meant to post to the main comment feed, but UGH! Anyway, hello, and wishing positive energy carries you all day! Lololol @ me:)
Wonderful presentation! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
My patience is gone. I decided to move forward on my own. It is scary not knowing what the future brings, but it is better than what the past was.
So did I but it’s Sad Esp Whn it’s Family
I want my sister to stop blaming my mother, brother and myself for her unhappiness and take responsibility for her choices.
My ex husband is 78 years old still blame his family for his unhappiness in life.
Was married to him for 55 years 😮 yes 55 years to finally walk cause by his actions, couldn’t take his pain anymore.
Just to say, your sister will never give up,it is very sad
Blame is projecting unwanted feelings , problem, onto others.
That is what you want from her…
What you want for you ? And from you?
Which in control ?That you can do?
B. It’s her choice.
Do you know,,, some people need something to complain , or someone to blame, in other to feel good ??
Let them. Don’t take it away. Please . Let them feel good. 🙏🏻😁
Let it be. Ok ?
With this kind of understanding, you will ☺️ HAPPILY let her blame ( to feel good) you (your family ) don’t have to take Responsibility from her. Let her enjoy it.
Smile … Cheers….
😁😁😁
🎉❤
On a visit my sister (as usual) said very little to me when we were alone but when other people were around she was a chatty Kathy. One time I had it so when we got home I made the simple statement “I wish you would treatment me like you do other people.” The response? Narcissistic rage.
I love you so much, Dr Ramani
As a wise man once said… “When things don’t add up, start subtracting.”
That’s A Good One
Dr Ramani, I have been lessening to you since 2018
I wish I would of lessen to you before that,
I wa married to narcissist for 55 years,got a lot of therapy in 55 years, but none of the professional help have explained narcissist like you have,mind you in those days, never heard the word narcissist, they only words they use is..
He will never change..
My hope was,he will one day 😉 not knowing about narcissist,
MO HE NEVER CHANGE…
It got so much worse 😳
Thank for your free video to help me out to make a move, it’s been 2 years, just finally starting to heal,
It’s been hard not to let him suck me back into misery, haven’t spoken to him for 2 years
I know it’s almost impossible, but you are the top number # 1 on my bucket list to meet you one day!!
Winnipeg Manitoba Canada❤
.
It is true. Narcisists don’t change and it’s up to us to make the changes and take responsibility of our lives. We only have one life to live, it’s quite a sobering realisation once it sinks in. Better sooner than late.
That validation, understanding and acceptance you’re supposed to get from therapy really does sound nice. To have one single solitary person that would sit and listen.
2:52 – 3:05 This one hits very hard. Me and my narc abuser were doing an incredibly important task. I asked him to pay attention. He looked me straight in the eye and then kept watching television. He did this several times. When I got emotional later on, he pretended not to have heard me. That I should have been more clear. The level of disinterest is scary.