How narcissists punish you to stay in control
Narcissists use punishment not just to silence you, but to keep you trapped in a constant game of “gotcha.” From the silent treatment that makes you doubt yourself, to emotional blackmail that exploits your empathy, these tactics are designed to erase your wins and keep you walking on eggshells. In this video, Dr. Ramani breaks down how these patterns of control play out—and why recognizing them is the first step to reclaiming your power.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do ❤
Stay safe ❤
Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
I stopped defending myself. I just stare at them and walk away.
Same thing I have learned to do.
I got called out for that in divorce court lol and was glad to hear it bothered him
My childhood and 20 year marriage, in a nutshell. So, 40+ years of this nonsense. Trying to be perfect and voiceless. And when I failed, I experienced the inevitable “Gotcha!” I recently divorced my husband and am now estranged from my family. The quiet (no drama/chaos) and freedom is PHENOMENAL. And what I now understand is the fact that these narcs are not a#%holes 24/7, which is what makes it so confusing and difficult to flee sooner. You (typically an empath/HSP) are holding out for or chasing the AMAZING individual he/she was in the early days. The amazing individual OTHER people only see/experience. Basically, you’re waiting for some crumbs. Decided, at 56, that I deserve an entire meal. Thanks, Dr. Ramani. Wish I knew all this years ago; grateful that I “get it” now.
Same story. Same age. Feeling so much peace now. Best of luck to you 🎉
Ditto ditto ditto!! Similar age, 20 year marriage, too. Feeling peace finally!!
Same, Same SAME!
It’s like the computer at the end of that movie War Games said, “Interesting Game. The only winning move is not to play.”
I love that!!! That’s exactly how I feel too! That was one of the best movies ever!
That’s what grayrocking also reminds me of😂
Uncanny timing on this one. ❤
They thought they use silent treatment to punish me and tell others version of their story, but only the fools would listen to them. They didn’t punish me, instead they showed me the version of who they really are.
The moment I set boundary to protect my peace, they don’t want to be part of it and disappear. I sit with discomfort and there I find clarity.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Exactly! Same here.
Couldn’t be less true and still I’m having a hard time getting over it
The doctor said it right. ” You are only bidding time.”
Wow. I am so glad you explained the true story about them taking anyone else’s side but mine no matter what. Exactly explains it and I thank you. That one really makes me feel crazy. Now I understand.
The doctor hit it again when she talked about the willingness of narcissists to take sides with anyone over you. I’ve experienced it.
Totally agree. I have also experienced this, from both a parent, and my spouse.
Which made it very hard for me to determine it was happening. For a long long time I just thought it was me.
That I was delinquent, dysfunctional, I made all the wrong choices, I was difficult.
I get it now.
Both my parents were narcissists and my younger sister is too. This is the behavior I was raised with and taught how to behave. I now understand where all that came from. I never felt I fit in with the 3 of them, now I know why.
I can not thank you enough for offering this counseling and education for so many of us.
Bless you!
The silent treatment’s only purpose is to bring you into compliance with their wishes.
“Radical acceptance” ❤that!
Your presence is a beautiful gift to the world. Thank you, Dr. Ramani
I always wished we had this part of social media years ago. Dr Ramani is right on point. You can acquiesce to their demands and in the end, it doesn’t mean anything.
Their silent treatment got them NO CONTACT. Greatest thing ever discovered! You can LET THEM be silent, permanently! And my life got 1000 times better!
Didn’t realize this is something I went through until I saw this. For as long as I can remember if I told my narc sib anything going on in my life, they would ALWAYS take the side of whoever I was talking about. I was always the judgmental one, or unempathetic, or hadn’t considered A B C or D.
I’ve begun mirroring his behavior back at him…not intentional
This resonates with me so much! I have been nothing but respectful, supportive, overly generous. My birthday just passed and not even a happy birthday wish.
They suck Lisa. They do it on purpose. It’s not u it’s them. Happy birthday beautiful 🥳♥️🎂🎁🎈
Dr Ramani I cannot thank you ENOUGH for all your excellent videos. You have helped me stand my ground after leaving the narcissist I had been with for 19 years. I love you! ❤