Does Every Narcissistic Relationship Lead to Self-Abandonment?
Does narcissistic abuse always make you lose yourself? Some survivors describe feeling completely turned inside out by the relationship, while others seem to come through it angry, exhausted, and hurt—but still very much themselves. In this video, we’ll explore why narcissistic relationships can affect people so differently, and why one hidden factor may shape the entire healing process.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I remember being confused about the illusion of self, à la Buddhism, vis à vis what I was to find out later was the need for healthy sense of self when it came to individuation. Now I see better that they are not mutually exclusive. Because both emphasize process. The snapshot of the self exist in time, and psychological time is where it’s all at. From the get-go.
More to the point and more to the subject matter concerning things here, I’m working on my attachment style and having it be less and less oriented to anxiety because I’m putting the reference back to me. This used to seem selfish and still does a time when I slip back into old thinking. But I know it’s not.
Yes… we’re too nice too forgiving, too understanding too ready with a possible excuse for their behavior! Friends don’t help either especially girlfriends … they seem ultra ready to blame you! This us heavy duty stuff especially with the sweet sweet covert narcissist! Eveyone is “sold” on them!!!! Even if they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar… their minimums will say, “doneone pushed their hand in that jar to make it look like they did it… but God.. we “know” they would never never never do that… they’re a victim!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮it’s that twisted!
I had to walk away from a pathetic, so-called friend because she was causing more harm than good. She has a sexual history with my ex and apparently was on his team the whole time. I didn’t realize it until recently. It was quite disheartening because I had known her for about 11 years. One day, I woke the F up and saw what she was doing after numerous jabs, over the years, that I chose to ignore. I am/was not going to put up with it anymore…from anyone! The final straw was when she called me, “the boy who cried wolf.” Trying to blame me for what had happened with my ex. Once you see it, it can’t be unseen!
How can you not abandon yourself while you are looking after a big baby?!
😂
Sadly it IS true, they seem to have stopped cognitive development at some point.
True facts!!
When I remarried, I took on another child.
No baby is so f … evil
Thank you Dr Ramani. I lost count think watchd all your 60ooo videos. , it get’s me stuck sometimes but your helping the world lecturing the worlds for freee. ❤🙏
I have found that self-love can only come from myself and when I seek it from others I feel an emptiness that’s open within Myself. I found that this was already there and I just sought it to fill myself up from others. This opened up the vulnerability that I had from narcissists. I also found that the only love that I will ever have in my life with only come from myself anyway.
I lost my ‘Freedom of Individuality’. To be myself was my Narc Ex’s Nightmare. 🍒
Thank you again Dr. Ramani.
Your hope has been realized 🎉 This was very helpful ❤ yeah
I don’t recognize someone very close to me now that they are married to their narcissist. Literally went from being an easygoing, light and kind hearted, loving individual, to a stressed out, hyper vigilant, at times even abusive, angry deer in headlights. Hard and sad to watch.
This is how I was. Angry deer in headlights. I took on a lot of the patterns in my narc who I idealized. Now that I’ve been gone I’m much less harsh to others and see things more clearly. I have so much more energy. I can’t imagine getting married to someone like that, my heart goes out to those facing that challenge
I’m sorry this happened to your friendship, I’d say it’s probably fine for them to “Switch off” and are hyper vigilant, as you’ve noticed.
One almost becomes “programmed”.
My X husband was not to programme me All the way, hence we broke up. But even still there was a lot of hyper vigilance due to the bad moods and passive aggressive behaviours. He was covert, and a little sadistic, and a bit twisted.
I dread to think what people experience when with full in Malignant.
You just have to be there for your friend, and hope one day they come through. ❤
Doess Dr Ramani also learning her videos with professors so they cann learn everything, they dont understand narcisisstss i think. So important 🙏♥️
Coming from a narcissistic family system. I coped by becoming a work-a-alcoholic. Consequently I appeared successful on the outside but I had little to no personal life and certainly no one I would call friends. I had acquaintances that were fine as long as I kept them laughing. I can be very entertaining. I remember a kid I hardly knew coming up to me in the 8 th grade and saying “Make me laugh.'” I learned how to sing for my supper, so to speak, and continued that for the rest of my life.
I feel bad watching my brother in law give up everything in life for his new wife. He had opportunities to work on his dream of being a pilot, and it’s all been thrown out the window so she can focus on her community college, with her dreams of not working and becoming a famous author. But ultimately it’s his choices and he is an adult 🤷♀️. He works overtime and still has to get essentially a stipend from his wealthy family for them to stay afloat with her expenses and inability to keep a job…
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Hi Ramani, have you considered covering the narcissism of the CEO of bricks and minifigs in the recent Lego scandal?
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The PTSD that can come from a narcissistic parental relationship means that we are at least temporarily losing ourselves each time we experience the PTSD.
My homegirl was like I don’t want kids what I’m going to do with a narc and real tea they’re kids just give them a bottle.
The lack of accountability and refusal to acknowledge they are the problem drives me crazy. I would really like to be asked, “Are you okay? What can I do better?” But, I am fully aware that will never happen. When they act like everything is fine, I just want to scream!
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Toward the end, I brought up some concerns to my narc. I said it feels like enmeshment, and that I was worried that I wasn’t feeling like myself for what felt like a long time. He said that I was confused, that “enmeshment” is actually our “togetherness”, which is the goal. Why would I deny time together? Nothing bad happens from being together! Together we are stronger! Eventually, I lost myself and began losing important people in my life. It was the hardest relationship I’ve ever weathered. Now I’m approaching one year of freedom and I have met a kind and loving partner. Everyone says I look like I’m at peace (though it doesn’t always feel that way). Choosing yourself doesn’t have to be selfish – you need yourself to be yourself and to be with others! Thank you Dr Ramani for all of your help
Maybe a video about narcissists’ humor? I recently realized that my narcissistic sister actually doesn’t really have one. I mean, she’s mean and then hides behind jokes, but I noticed I’ve probably never truly laughed with her – like a real, genuine laugh. And we’re both in our 30s, it’s such a strange thing to realize at this age.
I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong but the gaslighting and denial made me so confused that I ended up abandoning myself. So complicated. ❤
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