The 3 Big Ingredients of Narcissistic Behavior
If you’ve ever wondered what really drives narcissistic people, you’re not alone. There are three core traits that show up again and again—but most people don’t see them until it’s too late. In this video, Dr. Ramani reveals what those ingredients are and why they matter for anyone caught in these relationships.
SOURCES MENTIONED
Costa, P. T., Jr., & McCrae, R. R. (1992). Revised NEO Personality Inventory (NEO PI-R) and NEO Five-Factor Inventory (NEO-FFI) professional manual. Psychological Assessment Resources.
McDonald, M. M., & Verona, E. (2015). Cognitive and affective mechanisms in psychopathy and externalizing spectrum disorders. In J. D. Miller & D. R. Lynam (Eds.), The APA handbook of personality and psychopathology: Personality disorders and assessment (Vol. 1, pp. 259–289). American Psychological Association.
Jauk, E., & Kanske, P. (2021). The neural basis of narcissistic personality: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 122, 1–15.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I drowned on it… Thanks to your channel and Lise Leblanc – I managed to escape. Finding courage was so difficult.
Entitlement arrogance lack of empathy
It’s easier to understand how someone who blames himself for nothing attaches to someone who blames herself for everything!! This reinforces my recently discovered understanding – I thought leaving him would hurt him the way he hurt me. Now I understand that he doesn’t feel things the same way I do. When I am hurt, my throat tightens and I feel like I can’t breathe. He doesn’t experience it that way – he goes into a rage, says hurtful things, maybe throws or breaks things; then, he goes on like nothing happened. I couldn’t deliberately hurt him, but understanding that he will react in the same way he always has in the past (and most likely always will) removes that obstacle to my freedom. Thank you for helping me take one step closer to a better life. He still does what he has always done, it just doesn’t impact me the way it did before.
Sounds like my world
@kathysanborn4595it’s not a healthy world to live in. Thank goodness for Dr. Ramani. ❤
Good for you no longer putting up w it ~ God expects us to take care of ourselves. amen to all of us opening our eyes to no longer accepting self abuse. And allowing the disrespect toward yourself is not you taking care of yourself.
Before watching:
1. Extreme jealousy
2. Gaslighting
3. Slandering
Dr. I haven’t commented much on your videos. I discovered your channel a few years back after coming out of a relationship with a narcissist and possibly a narcissistic sociopath. At the time I was traumatized, still in shock, trying to figure out what had happened and even if up was really up and down was really down. Watching your videos little by little helped me understand and process what I had been through. At times it was almost like you were speaking directly to me about my specific experience. I remember watching one of your videos and literally my hair stood up and I shivered. You identified exactly who and what I had dealt with and all of the puzzle pieces I had been pushing around the board for years finally fell into place. Understanding what had happened to me and that it wasn’t me, I wasn’t going crazy, was what I needed to heal. I wanted to thank you humbly and sincerely for these videos. They were the spark that began my healing and recovery and the education I needed to identify my own flaws and modify my behavior to never fall into that trap again. Once again thank you. You saved me.
I’m still thinking about Ali’s story…
Her story is so tragic. And i think a lot of people share the same feelings of distress because of a psychopath around them. We talk a lot about narcissistics, but sociopathic abuse is on another level. We definitely need one day a special video on psychopathic abuse and some insights about it.
Thanks for giving Ali a space where she can be heard.❤Thanks again Dr Ramani
Dr. Ramani, l have listened to so.manynof your videos, for years. Each gives me something learn and apply. This video is really a stand out, so clearly condenses and articulates the basics of narcissistic people. Really helpful. Thank you.
The confusing part about this, at least for me is where you point out they don’t care / have no empathy for people, because to my experience at least, they ‘show’ their empathy and how they care about other people all the time!! So it’s hard to distinguish between someone that truly cares and understands how you feel, that really sees you, and then a narcissist which would more likely be like a chameleon
The act “showing” how considerate and empathetic they are to select people to build and maintain the illusion is very true.
Manipulation – truly, slyly, pretending to care ~ showing it? How? Are they really showing they care or just putting on a show? They know exactly what they are doing…
After 10 years I realised… Easy way to distinguish is the point 2. Hostile and devaluation . They are indeed empathic and sympathetic but for selfish reasons. Nobody deserves to get devalued.
They are very, very aware of what they are doing to us, and they enjoy it. They are very calculating.
Thank you Dr Ramani great video ❤
I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand narcisstic behavior, but your videos and books really break it down and help so much. It’s so foreign to me, it’s mind boggling and I have trouble making sense of it all. At least now I know it’s not me, it’s the narcissist.
Thank you Dr. Ramini, you’re a life saver. ❤
Love how you broke it down in this one! Love the closing statement! Thanks for your insights!
You are unknowingly saving the sanity of me and my family! You are called to this work on narcissism. Bless you for continuing to share in a very clear way what we are experiencing. You are helping me not lose my mind. Understanding this mental disorder is my key to maintaining my sanity. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate your speaking in a slow manner, as it enables me to take hard copy notes.
you just described the torture I endured my whole life from the multiple narcissists in my life😭educating ourselves on the way these people function is key…and practicing radical acceptance!☺
1. Low empathy
2. Hostile / Oppositional
3. Manipulative (driven by Arrogance, Deception and No Trust)
If it happens to YOU, it doesn’t register to them at all. If it happens to THEM, it registers strongly.
Wow. This is a precise explanation.
Thanks for making feel like it isn’t just professionals who understand what we go through ❤
Dt Ramani. I’ve been watching you for about three years. you have helped me so much more than any therapist wanna bee that had their masters they just never reframed my trauma the way you have……I had tremors at my heart Dr Ramani he other day. It showed up on my EKG….what a wasted life.
…..I’ve done my very best by family but my father was abused as a child …it showed …i loved hi. But it’s like pouring water into a vessel with a crack in it….thank u for the help
This could in turn explain why virtue signalling rather than actual and intimate engagement is easier to manage for these personality types.
The hostility is usually disproportionate and opposition is unnecessary in the situation.
A simple request is always No, even when No takes more energy than Yes.
Dr Ramani thank you so much for your videos, if only you know how much of a difference you made.