The Narcissist’s Favorite Fantasy
Have you ever felt like a narcissistic person doesn't really see you? No matter how much you explain yourself, express your needs, or try to connect, it can feel as though you're playing a role in a script that was written long before you arrived. In this video, we'll explore a dynamic that can make narcissistic relationships feel confusing, invalidating, and deeply impersonal—and why it may have far less to do with you than you think.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Powerful. They are in a relationship with an idea or story about you. To put you in a role through manipulation to serve them
yes, to serve them.
Exactly
To serve them.
But not anymore.
Your purpose is to be a life slave for them.
They put you in a certain role to serve the narcissistic self that’s not even their real self. But they’ll never know that until they know that, IF they ever know that. And their journey is their journey. You can’t count on them to change.
Being with a narcissist feels like you are paying the price for something you never caused. And once you go not contact and the dust settles down, you start questioning yourself, how did I allow someone to abuse me (in any form) and every time they behave as they are the victims and never listen to my feelings and instead they wait for me to apologise and sometimes they didn’t even accept the apology?!
100% ❤🎉
We are frogs in a slowly boiling pot and don’t see the danger until it’s too late.
OH yeah, hello mother!!
No contact DOES ‘communicate’ with them. Doesn’t make them happy. But that’s just fine. Because NOTHING will ever make them happy.
Once the trauma bond is broken just the trauma is left behind. We need to give ourselves grace. We were going into the relationship in good faith with honestly and authenticity; they were using that to manipulate and control us and use our genuine humanity to serve their narrative and build them up in social standing.
I told him 20 years ago i feel like I’m in a play and you’re the director.
I told him I’m no longer part of his variety show. “It’s still my fault.“ They don’t see it.
It seems the neglectful narcissist just truly doesn’t care or see you. You r just not worth the trouble
Every relationship I’ve ever had has been with Narcissist 😮
It took my whole life to finally figure it out🙏🏻
You must be a very wonderful and caring person, that is what narcissists attract because they are so screwed up we want to “help” them and show them what love is.
Me too! 60 years later I woke up and came to understand my life dynamics
Same. I didn’t really know what a narcissist was— that there was a whole pathology of distorted thinking, entitlement, chronic victimhood, abuse, etc. I can now see that I grew up in a very narcissistic family system, and I have dated narcissists almost exclusively. I am a world class people pleaser— often to my detriment, but am learning. I have quit romantic relationships, the same way a person might quit alcohol. I never was a person who needed to be in a relationship (I entered in the sparingly and cautiously). Protect your peace like it’s your property. Appreciate the videos and love the analogies!
My whole life has been in relationship with narcissists. I’m by myself now. At this point, I will stay by myself. I don’t trust anyone anymore. And I don’t trust myself to choose people who are not narcissistic. I’ve had enough of people.
Same.. but online NPD is “rare” – which is bullshit because if they have NPD SUPERIORITY COMPLEX, WHEN WOULD THEY EVER EVEN THINK TO GET DIAGNOSED OR TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE?
I know this one! My mom likes the idea of being a grandma but absolutely hates children. Every time my kids (even the 3 year old) act “imperfect” and don’t attune to her needs, she blows up.
😢❤
THIS!
They are the villain in my story!
“An angry film director.” Holy sh*t. She was an angry film director. I have no words. I don’t know if hearing this broke me or exposed how broken I already was
This describes my daughters perfectly.
I thought I heard every narc idea, and then this blew my mind. I could never explain how it felt like we were never good enough, and never “real” people to him. Now it all makes sense. Asking for date nights, when we don’t get along….. I’m supposed to be the fun sexy GF he wants without the baggage. Ignoring the kids, but jealous of friend’s kids…..the kids are supposed to be high achieving math whizzes, and sports stars, not actors or dancers. Why he couldn’t care less about their interests if it’s not his idea for us. He lacks empathy to care about them directly. But when the time comes, for photos and social events, we are “great”. Thanks for this!
I mean, I don’t want a girl with tons of trauma or baggage either. That’s what got me into this situation. Getting too close to someone with unhealed trauma. I can’t date for another year now.
This sounds so much like my covertly narcissistic sister. Her narrative is “Your family is supposed to be there to support you” Meanwhile this means “You are supposed to agree with me and do everything I expect you to do”. No thanks!
your sister sounds like my sister, offers help than gets overly offended when someone doesn’t reciprocate in the way she expects. and won’t let you forget she helped you and never really appreciates the help she does get. We haven’t really spoke in years, she tells me happy birthday, and that’s the end of our relationship.
How ironic, before I saw this video this morning, I was thinking about how utterly alone I am in this “relationship”, how my husband does not think of me or our kids as people, he thinks of us as actors in a play. He went through all the motions of marrying me, having the kids, a house, a job, everything because that is what he saw other “real” people doing and that must be what he should be doing too. Everyday, I go over in my head about the last 41 years with him being all fake and no love. I live in the same house with an absolute stranger who wants nothing to do with me, I’m just a prop in the play in his head, he will never love me, much less like me. Very very sad.
I’m sorry you have gone through this. This was my life with lies, manipulation, gaslighting, cheating, abuse, and stealing. After 41 years of this my son and I were thrown away like trash and he continued to make our lives miserable and stalked my son who finally had to file a protection order against him. It is very very sad.
Yes. Mine was the same way. The kids & I were props to make him look good. I was useful to care for him & make him look “stable “ and the kids were there to trot out and brag about. He never played a game or tossed a ball in The yard with them. At my nagging, we go as a family to the zoo on occasion but it was like pulling teeth with him. Glad that part of my life is over.
Sounds like a carbon copy of my life.
@mabelpayne8933it’s uncanny how many of them fit into the same mold.
There is a genetic predisposition for narcissism, but a lot of how that genetic predisposition is expressed shaped by environment (i.e. specifically operant conditioning). Unfortunately, we live in a society where conformity is valued tremendously, and this causes individual differences to be invalidated.
When you combine this reality with someone being a man, there’s also the fact that the inner thoughts and emotions of boys and men are still frequently invalidated. Furthermore, women are taught from girlhood that such behaviors of a lack of self-awareness, impulse control, etc. in boys and men should be getting reinforced.
For these reasons, your husband was probably never given the leverage to look inward and fully understand who he was. It is unfortunate that you were pulled into such a situation because of the norms society demands of people.
10:31: 😮😮❤ “Your feelings are not part of their narrative structure. At best, your feelings are inconvenient.” 🎉 Thank you
💯
I have thought to myself during some weird incident with a covert narcissist that, “a different movie is playing in their head,” compared to the reality in front of us
This. 1,000%
Narcissists cannot be really in any relationship. They only manipulate and use others to satisfy their own egos and needs. They are very good “ actors” and they are able to play so many different roles till they get what they want. For this reason they are completely ruthless.
That’s so interesting because my Wasband often referred to Sweetest Day as a corporate excuse of a Hallmark holiday and refused to participate in it, even to buy me flowers. Sometimes he even tried it with Valentine’s Day. Then over the years he would ask me if this means he has to buy me flowers, if it was such a holiday, our anniversary, or my birthday. Then if I didn’t fawn over the flowers sufficiently enough in his mind, he would act like I didn’t appreciate them. So over the years, it made me feel bad for even wanting flowers. Now I buy myself my own flowers.
For everyone on dating apps, pay attention to this video. Narcissists use dating apps to “shop” for their future partner; it’s not about you but if your superficial qualities will match their narrative. People are interchangeable. They don’t have the ability to see YOU.
Snapchat insta prime example.
Every happy event was preceded by a fight which always put a damper on the festivities.
100%. That was one of the most disgusting things she would do. A nice weekend in the mountains. I would get so excited thinking just the 2 of us going to her favorite town. Then as I pick her up I remembered that she will definitely ruin it immediately. Sure enough. 1st thing out of her mouth is “I don’t like your hair like that. That shirt is to small for you. Those pants are not clean.” I had to just laugh at her an say, “I just told myselF that you were gonna get in the car and immediately ruin the weekend before it starts.”
They feel anxious if they aren’t the center of attention…
My Narc sister calls herself “Sarge In Charge”. She has appointed herself as the person who gets to tell everyone what to do especially you. No one around her is allowed to have their own opinions, etc. I don’t visit her anymore. It is just a nightmare to be around her and try to reason with her. In a way I feel sorry for her because she is so stupid. I decided to go no contact as she wanted to push and pull on me and push me around….. I would have loved to call the police on her but I decided leaving was an option.
I had a narcissistic relative who would sob so loudly at every funeral she ever went to that it caused actual disruption. Then it all became about her, as everyone would reach over and comfort her.
100%
When my Dad was literally on his deathbed his narcissistic Wife was so hysterical for DAYS – even the staff said it was ALL ABOUT HER.
She couldn’t be a mature, calming influence that helped him –
She kept shouting:
“DON’T LEAVE ME!!”
They wanted to turn him over and she wouldn’t let them because she wanted to face him. They said she could sit in a chair on the other side – she said no.
The only time I could get a word in to say goodbye to my Dad was when she went to the bathroom.
How she could make his death all about HER – as everyone went to comfort her – was something really hard to forgive.
💔