How Narcissists Seem Empathic at First
At the beginning, they seemed deeply empathic — attentive, caring, even emotionally attuned. So how can someone who once showed up for you so fully now leave you feeling confused, invalidated, or unseen? The answer isn’t as simple as “it was all fake.” In this video, we unpack the uncomfortable truth that makes narcissistic relationships so hard to understand — and even harder to leave.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Narcissists use charm charisma and performative sympathy to fool others being strategic.
💯 percent I feel like my strategy was torn apart 😕
5:04 😢 it really happened
My former person has recently reached out indirectly after repeatedly dating my coworkers -not the same job different place , different industry. I was so happy about it for maybe 2 mins until I heard Dr Ramani in my head saying they don’t really change. Thanx Dr Ramani -I appreciate you.❤
It’s a Hoover. Good catch don’t fall for the Hoover!!! Stay strong you got this.
They never change
Dr. Ramani, I owe you a debt of gratitude. My husband’s sister is a narcissistic mess. If not for your videos, I never would’ve seen it. I always thought every situation was my fault—admittedly, I made mistakes, too. For over 40 years this woman harassed me and treated me terribly. Thanksgiving 2024 she let the mask slip. Won’t get into specifics, but at that moment, I realized how accommodating I had been in the interest of keeping family peace. Meanwhile, she continued her games, and I looked at my husband and told him I was done. I’ve gone completely NO CONTACT. I didn’t make any announcement to ANYONE, and I won’t. It was the right thing for me. Life has been so much better without her in it. Thank you for sharing your insight, and thank you for making me understand that I waste valuable time in trying to reason with a totally unreasonable person.
i feel sorry for anyone that’s had to deal with a person like that and ended up going to prison over it because some of these fuckers just have it coming with the way they get so abusive
I completely agree. Words cannot describe how grateful I am to her. She has pulled me out of the deep hole that was dug for me and shown me the light.
Narcs identifies what you want, to get what they want! Always selfcentred!
That last long-term relationship I was in was very narcissistic.. I was diagnosed with chronic diseases, and his abuse escalated. He was soo kind and giving and seemed loving until my health went downhill. That’s when his true colors came out with control and abuse against me.. I was too sick to leave and was too sick to stay until a friend opened her door to me. I’m grateful I got out, and I’m staying single and at peace now.
Sorry to hear that
May you thrive and bloom as you continue forward 🫶🏼
That’s horrible to get abused when you’re stick! I wishes you healing and peace.
Do you think the chronic disease was created by the relationship? I married and had children with my narc. I had no help with housework or childcare. I ended up dealing with a dire kidney stone issue. I had 3 surgeries and went into sepsis. He didn’t care one bit. I think narcs cause sickness in us.
This is exactly what happened to me too
They seem charming at first, but you soon realize their inconsistencies.
Nah, to you they seem charming… To others they seem disingenuous. The ability to be able to tell is whether you had healthy upbringing from your parents or not.
My ex told me he was an empath and started to cry. He was charming and very fun to be around at first. He portrayed himself as a victim for “never catching a break”.
Variable empathy
Empathy comes back to draw you back in.
My mother oscillated between being the best mother a child could hope for and being an abusive, nasty, mean individual. I chased the “best mother” for decades. I will say, however that as she got older the nasty side became more frequent and by the time she died (I had cut ties by then) she was evil. If you ever have the opportunity to see the original movie (from decades ago) called ” A Picture of Dorian Grey” you will see the progression.
I am sure many narcissists are totally aware that exuding empathy makes a good look…
I call it opportunistic empathy.
Narcissists are chronically selfish. You’re either an afterthought or you don’t exist in their minds.
I always thought the best description is that narcissists have empathy, they just have a lot more for themselves than for other people.
So true and i just get out of it. Its sad but he no longer control me.
I literally just made this mistake minutes before I came across this video so thank you because this has explained something that I am seeing and was struggling to articulate properly. I think the reason I made the mistake is because I struggle to understand how someone can have empathy and still not care when they hurt someone they love. Like their need to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions overrides their empathy. It’s awful to witness and horrible to endure.
So true! People who don’t get it, say “If it was that bad, why did you stay?”
When you first meet them you are actually meeting their representative, the real person shows you piece by piece who they really are, by that time you’re like a fly in a spider web—trapped and confused
They ARE very empathic — to their needs. If you are sensitive, endlessly supportive, don’t challenge them, and provide high-quality supply, you can go years without seeing the reality. When you assert your needs or set reasonable boundaries, everything changes.
The fact they can “see” empathy means they know exactly how they are impacting you and are doing it on purpose. it took me a LOOOOOONG time to realize this.
This is the creepiest part, honestly.