What If You’re the Only One Who Sees the Narcissist?
Have you ever felt like you're the only person who sees someone's narcissistic behavior? Everyone else thinks they're charming, generous, or wonderful, while your experience is completely different. This disconnect can be confusing, isolating, and can even make you question your own perceptions. In this video, we'll explore why this dynamic happens and why learning to trust your experience is such an important part of healing.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They’re charming, and know exactly how to manipulate people to get what they want.
The communal ones are the worst because of the good deeds and camouflage they hide behind
It’s really bad, but I’m educated and will never abandon myself to play their games
Good for you! And agreed—communal ones are trickyyyy. People get confused by all the “good deeds” and don’t understand that it’s just an ego stroke and a shield they use to avoid accountability or to play the victim.
My childhood friends mom was a communal narcissit and it sucked seeing her use my friend as a puppet for admiration from others.
The communal ones? Oh my! ‘rolling my eyes’. They are what we call in church, demonic. Pure evil. Sad bcos most people don’t know and will never know.
I thought for a long time I was the only one who saw it but now a couple of people have let me know they are seeing the same thing.
That must be validating!
Patience, all will be revealed in time. That’s what I’m witnessing now. People know but don’t want to open up until it effects them…
I’m SO glad you were validated – that’s HUGE!
They show a different side to other people. 😢😢
Growing up, the people who raised me were vulnerable narcissists with every trick in the book. The moment I confronted them, my whole family turned on me like a pack of hyenas. Even the sibling I was closest to told me where to go, saying his 7-year-old son was more mature than I was. We’re both grown adults, and he’s only five years older than me. Meanwhile, my older sister doesn’t speak to the people who raised us but still gets included in all the family gossip. I was the one pushed out simply for speaking about what actually happened.
I would love to see a large group of all spectrums of narcissists placed in a large home where they are locked in for 3 months and not given any special treatments or supply except food and shelter by outside forces to see they how their narcissism is handled with each other.
The same thing happened to me when I dared to speak up about a family member’s abuse. I was literally called “viscous “ , this is after being cursed, threatened multiple times by a family member. How dare I even mention it! The most insane part of this is the family members who turned on & discarded me had also been abused by this person. But their knee jerk reaction was to attack & turn on me to enable & support the abuser, who continues to abuse. It’s insanity.
❤
@justice8563 That would be an interesting social science experiment.
@justice8563I thought they call that reality tv?
Thanks for the reminder!
It feels pretty lonely out here, it’s hard to find like-minded people when you’re like a metal detector for narcissism and want to avoid those people (or any people for that matter) even though others don’t see it and think you’re short-sighted, mean-spirited or have it out for them or something the likes… No point trying to warn people either, you just seem like the bad guy trying to make someone else look bad. It’s easy to feel like you’re the problem yourself.
My sisters refuse to see my parents’ toxicity. When I first pointed it out, they tried to shut me down. In one part, I’m sure, it’s because they didn’t want to become the next whipping boy for my mother’s rage (i.e., fill the hole my presence left). And, in another, because my parents have bought them multiple cars, gives one of them a thousand dollars a month, and bought the other a house. Also, they are all hyper-Christian, but that’s not their real god. For my dad, it’s his comfort, for my mother, it’s her fragile ego, and for my sisters, it’s their parents. But since they use a lot of “Christian” language (especially in their social media posts), outside people confuse their words with character. It’s not the same. It’s just image management.
this loneliness is lowkey a systemic diagnostic that you’ve broken the spell. they run a highly polished public “interface”—charming and loved by all—while dumping their toxic shadow strictly on you in private. when you speak the truth, the collective (who only sees the interface) gaslights you, making you feel like the “crazy” one. trying to convince others is a losing battle. you have to accept the isolation as a necessary sovereignty quarantine to protect your baseline energy. you aren’t crazy, you just see the code.
OMG. This hit home. I was rhw only one who admitted seeing it. It was my husband. It is sooo lonely
My dad is so performative that all of my neighbors ask about him. I’ve started telling them that I don’t care. The shock on their faces as I turn on my heels is priceless. Yes I admit I am in my anger stage. That’s one of the many reasons I’m in therapy.
The good news is, you aren’t in the enabling stage or the ignoring it stage – you are in the recovery stage – keep going!
The narcissistic pattern is MONSTROUS with a SMILE.
Brilliant. I think when we are describing Narcissistic Abuse to someone for the first time, one of the most important things to include is that there is a good change you will most likely be the only one who sees the behavior; and you might have trouble finding someone among the enablers who believes you. It’s a whole new level of loneliness on the way to healing.
Narcs are Chameleons, BUT, they always reveal themselves eventually………………….
High level high status intelligent malignant narcs no one ever sees… they have no brakes or consequences because they perfect and mask so well no one clocks them….except the one getting abused humiliated violated and destroyed behind closed doors… this level of narcissistic “excellence”’is the most extreme, but most hidden of all.
Psychopaths make infinitely better parents than these types trust me. ❤
If you know, you know–a narc with plenty of supply can masquerade so well as to fool almost anyone, depending on the context, individual etc. etc. The good doctor here points that out–that they can appear to be life of the party, even humble. It’s like a well juiced up alcoholic in the zone–just charm and a swirling olive in the martini glass.
Wow! You described my childhood in 3 words. Self denial, hyper vigilance and trying to avoid being seen by my Dad. My Mom was super critical and dismissive on top of everything. I had a lonely childhood. ☹️
I struggle with anger and bitterness. Also, I never learned how to defend myself against other narcissistic types that I have encountered throughout my life. I’m 64 and still learning how to deal with antagonistic people.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your enlightening teachings. ❤️
Both my parents were narcissistic people and I am an empath who learned to survive them and the narcissistic husband I’m married to
They feed on others who will believe what they portray. They hate anyone who might speak up to their lies and delusions.
I grew up the youngest of 4 kids and I’m the truth see-er and scapegoat, one of my siblings is a malignant narcissist. The other two are very narcissistic as well. One thing that I’ve learned to say to a narcissist that really eats at their core and causes them to doubt themselves is to tell them every time the opportunity comes up, “I don’t know everything, but once someone thinks that they do know everything, that’s the moment they become instantly stupid and arn’t capable of learning anything else. So, no. I don’t know everything.”
Repeat this from time to time. This plants a seed in thier mind, that’s works kind of like a computer virus. This makes them uncomfortable around you. It’s pretty effective at keeping them from screwing with your happiness.
Great topic Dr. R!!! So true!! I have only one out of my two parents that “is” narcissistic and she’s 90 and we think she will live forever. Having two narcissistic parents gets an – OMG!!! Hugs to that person who sent you the original question. As always – you are spot on. To get anyone outside or even inside the circle of the narcissist family to believe the victim of any type of narcissistic abuse… is like pulling teeth. So incredibly frustrating. That is why your work is so important to all of us that follow you. We are all in support of one another and that really adds up to millions of people!! Thank you for giving us a platform and place to heal! xo!
This is literally the hardest part of ‘seeing it’ and others don’t. I love that the author didn’t doubt her reality. BRAVA! she’s my hero.
When I was growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, it was assumed that courage is what gets shown in wartime, by soldiers. I always felt that courage in peacetime was at least as important, since there is such a greater range for choice in peacetime, and so one’s true character might come to the fore then, and even more so. And, the courage to not become enablers to narcissists was something that I saw far too little of back then. This was shameful and was very devastating to a child who had no one to stand up for himself.
I watched my mother take her last breath in hospital. The only thought that came to me was ‘you can’t hurt me anymore’. I was 52. Either I haven’t delt emotionally with losing my mother or I considered she wasn’t really one, but I’ve never shed a tear over her since.
I keep this in a box, I don’t know what to do with this, so there it stays.
I think I married a covert narcissist, when she is in a stressful situation for her, I become the target, then she’s the victim… I’m not my best self in those situations. I got to talk to a long term friend of hers, we got to talk about how my wife behaves in certain situations, we saw the same things. It was a relief.
Her mother discounts it as just a trait she inherited from her father’s family.