The SHAME-STIGMA around NAMING narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I need and like to KNOW. That’s my ADHD talking. I survived 2 narcissistic relationships, and the last one totally shattered me. With my RSD, extremely low self-esteem, it was double hell on wheels.
With me, it’s always down the rabbit hole, to the last turtle standing. I must do my research. Because it provides validation. Saying the relationship was ‘ toxic ‘ isn’t satisfying enough. I needed to know why, all the underlying causes. I needed an autopsy.
Same here wow did I write this comment 😳👋
The “need to know” is so consuming as an AuDHDer who is trying to understand the trauma down to every last detail. I get frustrated with myself sometimes for how much academic validation I seek to reassure myself I really experienced narcissistic abuse. 💜
@CursedInColorado when I walked away from my two narcissistic daughters a few years ago, I doubted myself and my reality. As time passed, and I kept watching these videos every day I began to change how I looked at my situation. The things I thought happened to me, really did happen to me. I began to trust myself the longer I stayed away from the abusers. if you want advice, my advice is to keep watching the videos every single day. There is something to be gained from every single one of them. Good luck to you.
And as Dr. Ramani says, it’s not you.❤
I feel the same!
@bev@beverlyadams7205e. I’m find this to be true for me. I’m 4& and just figuring out this is what I’ve endured my whole life. It takes a lot of reassurance to trust what your lying eyes have been saying
Sometimes I felt ashamed that he was a Narcissist because people in General see the Victim as a Troublecauser. 🍒
I totally get how you feel. 😢
99.9 % you are the villain in a narcissist relationship.
I was JUST having these conversations with my therapist last night. As someone who’s lived with an abusive narcissist my entire life (my mother who meets criteria for formal diagnosis of NPD), people do not understand how desperate those of us who’ve experienced this kind of abuse can feel when we identify these behaviors in others and attempt to warn people because we know the harm that often happens when people get ensnared by people like this
Not only that but you’ve been set up for skepticism so your experience is deniable and it is very hard to make any excuse for that type of undercutting manipulation.
My therapist advised me to NEVER disclose to others that he has been diagnosed with NPD/ BPD. She said tha5 first of all the6 will not believe me.
Thank you for advocating for us to name this abuse
They do all kinds of abuse and then they surprisingly accuse you of the same.
Mine would call me a liar — always in an argument and after a lot of word salad (didn’t know the concept then) and unrelated to anything we were discussing
@Learning-2025-t8x They also frequently change the subject during arguments 😢
At this point in my life, I really don’t give a damn if they change. I’ve been so hurt by the abuse that I don’t want any part of them changed or not. And I think there’s a difference in changing their behavior and changing the reason that they have new behaviors. To change your behavior just because your therapist tells you to is not the same as internalizing the harm, you’ve done and wanting to be different.
💯
Great distinctions between narcissism and ADHD.
That is what always upset me in my marriage. He would treat everyone else really well and joke around with them. But when it came to me and our daughter, he was always so mean and abusive. Anytime I tried to explain how I felt about this, he would accuse me of being jealous. He would smile and say I was jealous and enjoy having that over me.
It is charitable to accept gifts and not only be on the receiving end.
Just what we need to hear on the daily especially when social media encourages and allows these damaged souls to run rampant.
People who don’t see the reasons for examining Narcissism haven’t experienced the harm it causes. Their objections are based on ignorance.
Even the way the “thought and speak police” try to smother the voices of survivors, by attacking them when they say “narcissistic traits” or “narcissists”. Those are almost always people who show a lot of these traits or who are clueless about the whole topic. It’s very damaging. Finally, it was talked about, and now there’s the attempt of trying to silence “us” once again.
I got into a relationship when I was young, both of us were. She had NPD and I had no idea. She stole my identity, dignity and my dreams. Slowly poisoned my mind and I would disengage from time to time. But I wasn’t able to end it, because in my head I was keeping a promise that I would stay with her forever. She kept blaming my disengagement and still kept blaming me years after the break-up. I didn’t know. Her whole life is a performance and she feels the need to be superior. She ruined my life and I kept blaming myself for it.
Autistics do not tend to go around blaming other people, and we don’t tend to kiss up to people who can improve our status. We can like people, but more or less we’re more like cats in a world full of dogs. People with A. D. H. D. can be nice and kind, without wanting to gain anything out of it. They just find focusing on one thing at a time quite difficult. Autistics and A. D. H. D. people are not intentionally cruel, more like clueless among normal humans. Narcissists think their own waste does not smell and that they were born to be exceptional, almost as if they never grew out of the toddler stage.
This is incredibly validating for me, thank you! I understand how those of us trying to navigate these impossible relationships can get hung up on labels, but I think it’s because we are desperate to understand and figure it out so we can get closure or fix it. What I’m finally realizing is that it is NOT going to get better and even more than that I CANNOT fix it! I’m 66 years old & was raised by a physically and emotionally abusive mother. It’s taken me a lifetime to heal and not do the same thing to my own kids. The latest casualty has been the relationship with my sister. She is most definitely a covert narcissist. I’ve blamed myself, doubted myself, berated myself for not trying harder and have run myself in circles trying to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person. I recently caught her in a huge fabrication of lies and half truths. It was the nail in the coffin for me. I called her out on it and got nothing but rage, insults, blame shifting and gas-lighting. I’m done
I feel shame and guilt., it comes and goes. Guilt for not contacting family out of fear. Shame for not speaking up during the cruelty- unexpected, unfathomable and 100%-during personable vulnerable. Shame for not being able to be with the family I love whom are related or connected to toxic/unsafe/npd’s(?) Nobody asks why I am alone. Nobody asks why I don’t go to holidays.
I recently had the hardest time describing narc behavior by supervisors and explaining why it created a hostile work environment.
I watched many of your videos, and has helped me so much. I also read your book, it is not you. It has taking time for me to walk away from the unhealthy relationship. I felt so much pain, and hurt for all his actions. Thank you for helping many of us making difficult decisions because of the rollercoaster, and we fall in the good times for the cost of the bad times. The abuse becomes worst within time, until you question everything. Thank You.
This was one of your best I thought. So well done. Love how you explore complexities that others don’t often take the time to explore…while at the same time keeping the focus on the most important part, which is the person being impacted by the negative relationship. Thank you!
I have a question: why does it seem like from society’s point of view, When someone does you wrong You’ve been betrayed now all of a sudden the person who was wronged now has 20 new jobs to do. You’re expected to move on. Forgive and forget be the bigger person learn a lesson dig down deep all while they lie and duck and dodge