How Narcissistic Parents Weaponize Kids with Grandparents
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Dr. Ramani, I sadly have almost the opposite issue going on. I was raised by a neglectful covert narcissistic mother. I have now become a mother myself and she makes little to NO effort to be in my Childs life. I do not want to continue the cycle of hurt from neglect from the narcissist being passed down to my child. When we have large family gatherings from time- to -time she will fake being interested or loving in front of our extended family for 5 minutes or so, but nothing more than that and as soon as were back to regular day-to-day living she’s nowhere to be found and has little to no interest in my child’s life, seeing her, or really being an active part of her life at all. I need your opinion on what I can do to both protect my child and myself from any further hurt. It affects me daily and has made me really resent her, your opinion or a video on this topic would be so extremely helpful in my situation. Thank you so much and God bless <3
This is my situation except I look at the absence as the gift. My son doesn’t have to see his cousins be treated better than him in his face, never has to hear the mean words, none of that. Our home is full of love and that’s what I want him to know.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. My only advice having gone no contact myself, is to avoid the gatherings. I know its really hard but family members who are genuinely close to you will understand you want to protect yours & your children’s health & well being and will see you outside of the gatherings. Hope this helps in some way x
This is a blessing: absence means no harm. You just need to heal your wish for a normal parent-child relationship.
My narc parents were very distant with their grandchild for most of 14 years. I was sad about my son not having a real family during that time too. It may be a blessing in disguise. When mine started wanting him around more, it was only to bribe and brainwash against me for ulterior motives. They decided to try and make me look like the unstable one since I had started finally speaking out loud abt the abuses I had suffered and it got back to them. They also wanted to make me appear unstable to steal an inheritance. Distance may be the safest option and healthiest for your child, unfortunately, because of the narcissism. Best wishes to you ❤
@@MsBaker-kp1wu Thank you for sharing your experience <3 I appreciate your advice
Sometimes narcissistic parents turn kids against grandparents or make grandparents choose sides, hence the kids lose a chance to have a good relationship with their grandparents.
I have been told by my narcissistic son-in-law that I make my beloved grandson 1) sick 2) naughty and 3) disprespecting him as a parent. For that he will no longer allow the little boy of 3 to visit me. I am broken. For 3 years I have looked after him, loved him and we had so much fun. Out of the blue ALL was gone. Thankfully I have Christ as my saviour in my life who wipes away the tears and gieve and gives me comfort. 😢
Dr. Ram, this is an outstanding video. None of these dynamics are my personal experience, but it’s evident how diligently you’ve assembled this important information based on your many years of clinical experience. This will be an essential installment for many of your viewers. Well done!
Mandatory mental screenings before becoming parents, would solve all these problems.
Omg this should be law
A narcissist is inconvenient and trouble maker at any age, at any time, always producing caos and making people extremely unhappy. My father is one.
You’ve got that right.
I’ve watched so many of your videos over the years to deal with my narcissist so in law that I have to walk on egg shells with to see my grandkids. It’s been 7 years since my first grand child was born and I have had to walk such a careful walk! These videos have helped me so so much. So glad this video finally hit it on the exact situation I am in. It’s a very weary road but I hope to be a safe person someday for my grandkids. Thank you !
Wow it must be extremely frustrating and heartbreaking dealing with the narc game.
Way too many narcissistic people in the world! Why we Need to be Educated on em!
Yes. Feel bad for the kids who are brought into this world under such dynamics
My husband and I have been married 20 years. 2 or 3 years ago I found this channel and others on narcissism. Both our daughters from previous marriages have narcissistic tendencies. It has helped me cope and heal to understand what is happening but the grief is still ever present. It’s not what I wanted. It is what I have. We are low contact with one and no contact with the other. They both have withheld their children to manipulate each of us and then raged when we declined. And of course they claim no responsibility for the divide. I wish everyone well. It’s hard whatever you do.
Somewhat the same no? Not taking any accountability that you managed to raise not one but two narcs – and now acting all blameless and as if you’re the victim of your own abuse/dysfunction/trauma. Perhaps look at how your babies who weren’t born narcs experienced life with you and your husbands behaviours and modeling/abuses/neglect that caused them to be the way they are…
Also, the entitlement to grandkids if your a toxic chaotic individual / unit – it’s not your right to have any role in your grandkids lives if your adult children deem you too risky and unsafe for them to be around. Their not doing it just to manipulate you – people don’t behave this way or take extreme steps such as disallowing contact with their kids – you don’t speak as to why they won’t allow you to near them…history repeating and toxic dynamics is a guess.
Good talk. 1 of my 4 sons is in this situation and im already reading the room. I’m playing the long game. I give toys and cuddles when they are happy to let me. I keep away and dont interfere and I’m going to be there for them when or if my grandchildren want me in their lives when their older. I can’t get too involved because I will lose them forever. I try to keep emotions out of it, to protect my heart.
Can you please do an episode on narcissistic grandparents trying to turn grandkids and family against the children who were actively trying to heal from their narc abuse?
Yes, please do an episode on this! I’m in the same position!
Yes!
Yes please…this is why I watched the video..of course it’s applied the same.
This is my case. I tried so hard to keep my children’s grandparents in their life; including moving 1000 miles away to be near them, and then I ended up homeless with my 2 children.
Today a grandparent showed up out of the blue after not seeing them for years. The grandparent was CLEARLY drunk, and left me dealing with my autistic child’s meltdown for not allowing my kids to go in the car with an intoxicated driver. My 11 year old son spent 2 hours screaming at me and saying it was all my fault and that I hate him and I don’t care about him.
. Dont talk to them. . No contact.
My son partnered with a narcissist, and since, he is one, too. For four years they have put me through such turmoil, gaslighting me to think unspeakable things about myself. They kept my young grandkids from me for a year, then decided they liked the times I kept the kids for them, so, I got to start seeing them. Now, recently, they w ant nothing to do with me until it benefits them. I spent the past 2-3 years educating myself about this sickness, and going to therapy. I have recently gone no contact to protect my peace and sanity.My regrets are with the grandkids. Such a sad situation.
Same here. Don’t let them make you sad. It maybe a few years before you see the grand kids or it may be tomorrow. Don’t let them ruin one minute of your precious life!and don’t ever play their games! No good will come from anything to do with them so get them out of your head and do life for you. You can volunteer or work with children. They are all precious and they are all our kids.
Also the next time you do see your grand children, make sure they know that you love them to the core, and that your heart and your door will always be open for them no matter what.
@ Thanks for the heartfelt reply Joellen! I am learning that I am not alone in this, which makes it a bit easier to move forward. I am also learning to enjoy life again, the little things, especially. I can’t let them get me down anymore. I am sorry for what you must be going through as well. Thanks for your support.♥️
Yes I began training to become a casa volunteer and will soon be swore in through the courts. I love my grandson but was beating my head against a brick wall.
I ask you please do a video on this opposite situation as well, with narcissistic grandparents trying to weaponize their grandkids against their parents!
I’m about to have my first child and I can already tell my parents see my child as an accessory and another way to get their narcissistic supply. Threatening me and saying it’s their right to see the baby as they please. Love your videos, they have literally changed my life! Thank you for all you’ve done for this community
Narcissistic grandparents only get worse. Save your kids, go no contact with abusers.
Jojo, we mistakenly believed that our child “needed” grandparents. Exactly what you described happened, and we had to go no contact with both grandmothers, who were both narcs.
Keep them far away. My narc parents is currently using my daughter against my husband and I because I did not want any contact from them anymore. So they manipulate my daughter into no contact with your parents in exchange that you can live with us rent free!
I have asked the same thing
My heart goes out to you!! I choose not to have kids for this very reason. Younger stepbrother gave full custody of kids to his ex wife to protect them from his mom. Older stepbrother and wife(at the time) got sued under grandparents rights for custody of the baby when the baby was still in hospital.
Brilliant. Wonderful examples and advice to help in many situations. The kids should not have to suffer.
My daughter was influenced against me by her narcissistic father unbeknown to me during her childhood because I did not know about narcissistic abuse. The daughter married a narcissist and influenced him against me also. They had three children and the son in law influenced the children against me. Unfortunately, I had to choose no contact. Disappointed and grieving I am left no other way of living out what’s left of my life. Dr Ramini I appreciate this topic being aired, kindly make more we need to heal from this too.
My mom tells everyone I’m the narcissist for protecting my kids from her and my father’s abuse. I used to take them over frequently but she constantly blew past any boundaries (medical needs) and caused a few situations for my littles.
I feel for non-narcissistic grandparents dealing with these control games. My mom made me pay for the food the kids ate at her house. She offered to take them to a carnival? Expected us to pay her for it AND for the carnival.
Dealing with her is exhausting. I can imagine her sitting in Dr Ramani’s office lying and making herself out to be the victim. Who am I kidding? My mom would never talk to a therapist.
@@saturdayschild8535 I like your name!!!
“Moving with a pinch of grace”
A lot of narcissistic grandparents who are withheld from their grandchildren can play the victim. So a video on opposite situation along with the signs of narcissistic grandparents is a must.
Currently experiencing this with my narcissistic MIL. Need a video about this.
I’d be interested in this also. I’m starting to believe I may be in a narc family. Our grandparents took us from our mom, as I now believe as possible punishment. Well now, our mom might be doing the same to our middle sibling. I think it’s related? I believe our mom withheld and moved us away from her parents for a reason? Now our mom is doing it to the child she feels took us away from her. Her words. I’m so angry about it, I’m at a loss.
My MIL. We had no other family than her (she lives in Milan and we are in Florence) to help care for our daughter when I had to travel 10 k miles to see my very ill father. She withdrew herself. No ever calling again. She started telling other relatives that we (her son and I) treated her like a childminder. She never ever texted again to ask about her granddaughter. Not one card for Christmas or Birthday.
Occasionally we encounter her and her partner ( a liar and enabler) and she would act as she loves our daughter saying empty words…She would keep asking an 8 to child to send her videos!!! “Because “nonna wants to see you play violin”. My daughter says that she doesn’t feel comfortable going to visit her nonna because it feels she doesn’t know her.
Now MILhas a grandson ( from the gold child son) and she goes to babysit (maybe because they are in the same city?). It breaks my heart and I know my husband’s too. She even told people she had lost 2 children ( 1 unborn and a 40 y o, my husband)
p.s. we moved from London to Italy to be close to her. She would tell us, that we were very far away. She would weep “get closer”…you are so far away…She hasn’t even texted her son for a birthday. It’s a pain so big that sometimes I wake up wishing it was just a bad dream.
Please continue these conversations. @dr. Ramani! They are needed.
Thank you for this video!! As someone who
Is living this with all of my adult children and my grands, I can tell you put a lot of thought into this! The points you make are my lived experience. The advice you give is almost identical to how I have instinctive handle this, right down to the hell I went through having to make choices about estate planning!!
Because I live this every day I can tell you grief is a constant. Things more than walking on eggshells – it feels like I am on a tightrope
And I could plummet at any second.
I saw my mother in law deal with narcissistic daughter in law withholding her adult children and grandchildren from my mother in law. It started with an injury my mother in law sustained and unable to attend her youngest grandchild’s HS graduation. My mother in law never met her 3 great grandchildren, no matter the hoops, she tried desperately. I truly believe some narcissists truly enjoy seeing the misery and hurt they put people through for decades. If you can possibly go no contact, grandparents may keep their health in not entering this horrible game. Take stock in any other family or friends you may have. Her other son and I shared our children, took my mother in law on vacations with us, had her over for every holiday, have pictures of her ice skating, Disneyland, etc.
Thanks!
Thanks for looking in out for us, Dr Ramani. I am not so worried about this in my own family. Every family is different. God will be our glue. Not many of my folks on a certain side of the family fit the profile of a person with narc tendencies or personality♥♥♥♥♥