10 Harsh Truths About How Men Love (That Nobody Tells Women)
How do men REALLY fall in love — and why do they pull away? These are the ten truths about the male mind and heart that most women learn far too late. Here's what's actually happening inside him.
Want to know how the man in your life REALLY experiences you? Take my free 2-minute quiz — it's honestly a little scary how accurate it is:
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🤍 Watch the full playlist on understanding men and how they love:
There are ten truths about how men love that most women learn far too late — or never. Not because anyone's hiding them, but because nobody ever taught you how the male heart actually works from the inside. In this video I'm walking you through all ten — the ones that sting, the ones that surprise you, and the one at the very end that ties everything together.
From why a man can't be your everything, to what his silence actually means, to the one thing that lands deeper for him than being adored — this is the insider male perspective most coaches won't give you.
Whether you're newly dating, deep in a long relationship, or stepping back into love after a divorce — these ten truths will change how you see every man in your life.
▼ IN THIS VIDEO ▼
→ Why he was never meant to be your "everything" (and feels crushed when he is)
→ What his silence actually means — it's not what you fear
→ The real thing a man falls in love with (it's not your looks, your cooking, or your effort)
→ Why trying harder can actually push him away
→ The thing that lands deeper for a man than being adored
→ What "pulling away" is really about half the time
→ How your independence can accidentally starve him
→ Why he can only ever love the REAL you
If you've been searching for how men fall in love, what men really want, understanding male psychology, or why men pull away — this is the breakdown.
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▼ RELATED VIDEOS YOU'LL LOVE ▼
🎥 7 Things Men Secretly Love About a Woman Who Makes Him Wait –
🎥 7 Things Men Notice WHILE Holding You (That They'll Never Tell You) —
🎥 The 7-Step Kiss That Makes a Man Melt –
▼ ABOUT MAT ▼
Mat Shaffer is a former attorney turned dating and relationship coach for women. He helps women understand the way men actually think, feel, and connect — from inside the male mind.
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▼ CHAPTERS ▼
0:00 The truth nobody teaches about how men love
1:38 Truth 1: He Was Never Meant to Be Your Everything
3:35 Truth 2: His Silence Isn't Distance
5:28 Truth 3: He Falls for How He Feels Around You
7:20 Truth 4: Love Can't Be Earned Through Effort
9:18 Truth 5: He Notices Everything, Says Almost Nothing
10:55 Truth 6: Respect Lands Harder Than Romance
12:47 Truth 7: Half of "Pulling Away" Is Fear of Failing You
14:43 Truth 8: Your Independence Can Accidentally Starve Him
16:57 Truth 9: Watch His Hands, Not His Mouth
18:35 Truth 10: He Can Only Love the Real You
21:03 Final Thoughts
💬 Which of these 10 did you learn the hard way? Tell me below 👇🤍
Ladies — Truth #8 is the one that starts the most arguments down here (the independence one). Be nice to each other. 😄
Which of these 10 did you learn the hard way? Tell me below — I read every single comment.
And if you want to know how the man in YOUR life actually experiences you, take my free 2-minute quiz 👉 https://matshaffer.typeform.com/to/ZFhuDDN5?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=harsh-truths
(It’s honestly a little scary how accurate it is.)
You are a beautiful person…..💋❤️
thanks so much my dear! <3
Now, if men only cared about women this way😂
Even when I’ve done all of these things I’m invisible
They do when you find the right one (s)! if they dont see you they aren’t worthy of your time and energy 🙂
Both true!
1) no one cares bc most males are narcissistic or dismissive avoidant or psychopath 2) your video is 20 years too late . 3) this subject is dead since 2000
I’m sorry that men have hurt you so deeply, but I promise you that a) yes while of course toxic and wounded men exist, there are also MANY MEN who are not mentally ill or actively harmful to women (I’ve worked with over 100k women over the past 6 years and seen countless beautiful relationships, marriages and families formed), b) plenty of women care about understanding how men think and feel and desire healthy relationships with them, as I’ve built a youtube channel with over 25 million views on exactly that subject and tens of thousands of women watch these videos every week, c) I don’t believe men were collectively lost 20 years ago or since the year 2000 or at any time at all – I know countless men who are working on themselves and are deeply desiring health relationships d) to generalize that there is no hope for collective healing between men and women is exactly what “the media” and the cultural narrative is trying to convince us, to drive us apart with fear and cynicism in the “post-Me-Too” society, because a people divided are easier to control. I think we have a responsibility to come together as allies because fundamentally men and women were divinely designed to work together across every aspect of society – as friends, lovers, and companions. No one was meant to go through life alone.
I know men who are neither narcissists, avoidants, or psychopaths. This may be 20 years too late for you but many girls/women are just starting out or are looking to change things. Lastly, as long as there are men and women this subject will never be dead.
@Mat_Shaffer I love this video, I think I have gotten to understand most of your points on an instinctual level, but it feels so good hearing them!
I seem to have found my mana couple of months ago, at 42 years old – so 20 years earlier would have been nice, but I am far from done living. As I started communicating with him, I was fully open from the start, and my openness was refreshing for him, made him open up and get more and more interested in me.
Also I appreciate your comment and mention of the cultural narative and the agenda to control us. This is too easily dismissed.
For years now I have been resisting the idea that men are all bad and that they are less than women – even though I did not have too much proof of the good ones around me. My new boyfriend now seems to be all that I was looking for and that was so hard to find – dignified, kind, well-mannered, driven and devoted.
So I do believe it is never too late and I wish the content of this video could be somehow installed in womens` minds. 😀
Ive done lots of dating. It seems theres 2 types narcissistic/selfish/abusive or theyre too keen, have no emotional boundaries, think youre their gf and you havent even met yet. Really desperate and soo unattractive. A lot of them had one long term relationship, broke up and then moved in w their mothers. Their mum is divorced ans cant afford to rent on their own. Thats is lovely. Then these dudes are soo boring. All they do is gp to work, no friends, no hobbies, no interests. Yawwwn soo boring. No coversational skills.
Im just burnt out w dating and cant find the motivation to do it again. I hate internet dating. Many men see it as a free escort service.
I`ve been there and I can relate completely with what you are saying, especially the lack of conversational skills and boredom. But after years of exactly that kind of experience, two months ago I met someone who is the complete opposite and actually seems to be all that I have been looking for. We are in a relationship now. So I would encourage you to get out there whenever you can, to make breaks whenever you need to in order to gather back your strenght, and to get back out there, because you never know where your guy may be.
Dating burnout is real and it’s worth honoring. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step back, refill, and come back when it actually sounds good again. 🙏
Thank you Matt. Appreciate you! 🫶😊
Always. Thank you for being here. 🙏
I appreciate this. I had to learn some of these the hard way, particularly 1, 2, and 7.
I knew several of these and appreciate your take on 6 especially.
Regarding 8, I have always hated showing him weakness because at times he would tell me I was wrong for having that weakness. It is because his dad ridiculed him and he still thinks his dad was the best person in the world. Since his dad died he has been more caring whereas before he never cared or worse chastised me for my aches, sickness, or problems. It is like Russian rulet for me. I also do not show my funny side(10) to him because I have not been safe showing 8. I am teaching my daughters that if he is not safe for number 8 or you do not feel like you can do number 10 then he is not your person. I will try more with 8 and 10. Though, now I don’t even know where my 10 is.
You just said something really profound there. That clarity you’re teaching your daughters is everything. 🙏
Annoying fuzzy static sound in the audio… fix it cant listen like this
The psychology of men is very different from that of women. I so appreciate your sharing some of those secrets! As another (female) relationship coach says, men are not just hairy women. Haha I have a man in my life and I want to understand him. You help tremendously with that. Thank you, Mat. ❤✌️
Haha, she’s absolutely right—understanding those differences makes all the difference in the world. Thank you for watching! 😄
😂 Heard: I’m man shaper
Ha! Take the title. 😄
Great info Matt…thanks❤
So glad it was helpful. Thank you for watching! 🙏
I would love a video on how to repair when you have done things wrong for sooooo long. I know turning it around and starting these helps, but I will admit, noticing and learning to read his “handwriting” as you put it can be hard to do. I struggle to notice, but I pick two things each day to try and point out that I noticed that he did. It has helped, but is there another way to find the small things he does easier to find for us? And how do you repair when you have said or done these things that drive them away, “you my everything” and they stuck around even with the pressure but are so distant now?
That’s such an important question and it deserves a full video. The short answer is consistency over time, less pursuing, more becoming. Let your changed behavior speak louder than your words. 🙏
Excellent points in this video and thanks for keeping it concise. You explain things well and give examples without droning on and on haha. I love your videos
Dear Mat, Im going to be honest here. I am a Christian and you have professed to be a Christian as well. All of the info you teach is excellent however do you think God should be involved as well. Sex is between a husband and wife only. This is Gods plan. I feel your teaching is general for relationships, in whatever form. Yes you are right men cant be a womans everything. God should be their number one. I havent heard you include God/Jesus in any of your videos. Who are you honouring God or Relationships. I know this is cutting to the chase, however we need to review our lives and search our heart to what road we are taking. With love….Kim
Off topic, but this is a great colour on you
i loved this video ❤
stroke his ego but it’s definitely not about his ego. what?