Thinking about going back to a narcissistic relationship? You’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak or foolish. In this video, we’ll talk about why this happens, how to stay grounded if you choose to return, and why judging yourself only makes things harder. If you’ve ever felt torn between love, hope, and self-doubt, this is for you.
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Don’t do it! For the love of God, don’t go back! Save yourself!
Sooooo agreeeeee. Never Never. It will not be pretty
Amen! Ignore the persons who show up random and just happen upon the subject of getting you back into that relationship. I am going through this now. Your body is your own enemy as well
@masquarra I did try to reconcile. It did not work. The devalue stage can sooner And harder.
I got out. It was so difficult. He has tried to hoover me despite the no contact order in the divorce decree. I have to remind myself when I allowed him back, I told him It Was the Last Time. I owe myself that respect to follow my own words & promises, plus a lot of therapy And Dr Ramani videos to succeed. I am now aware, he could always try to come back but what I had with him was not love, it was a trauma bond. I deserve so much better.
AMEN! 10 years free from 10 years of NPD abuse and I only wish I had gotten out sooner.
“There is nothing you won’t do for your children.”
They won’t change.
T ( heard this from horses mouth)
To go back to a narcissist and not lose yourself, you need to have strong boundaries and a support network. Use the grey rock. Observe don’t absorb. Respond don’t react. Don’t take the bait. If they cross the line, leave immediately.
True. Did that but it still shattered me in the end. Atleast I could “see it for what it really is”
Seems like they inherently know you are back because of guilt or shame. Since they have no empathy, they will still do or say the most hurtful things and think nothing of you. Period.
Doctor ramy your an awesome person this video pulls all your training and knowledge in one take. Thank you for not giving up on us the victims. Thank you so much for finaly opening my mind. Thanks God be continuously with you. ❤
Only if you , family and friends see. But not reality
I can’t imagine why someone would get back with a girlfriend/boyfriend even if they loved them! I’m dealing with my whole family who seem to be connected at the hip to my narc mom! I love them all.
Honestly, the only reason I’d suggest or support (as in ‘yeah, it’s a right choice’) is if they had children. You’re responsible for your child – you shouldn’t leave your 5yo to be a handmaid/mom to siblings, or your 9yo to be isolated and damaged: you have to intercept the blows until they’re AT LEAST old enough to be considered in court or with CPS or taken seriously by a teacher.
@@anne-vc7bg I would have issues with the abuse because staying with them makes me want to hate them and that’s not the type of person I am.
It does cross my mind sometimes, to try and go back to the relationship. But I’ve never done it once a certain point is crossed. And the longer I’m out of it, the more certain I am that ending things was the right thing to do. But for me, the narcissists have been things like friends and coworkers. I have a good family and have never had to cut them out. So my experience doesn’t apply to others.
Thanks for this, Dr. Ramani, and best of wishes to all of you.
The key is don’t get isolated!! I’ll tell you in my experience anymore there are more narcissist in this world than non narks! No cussing! 😊
The only way to go back to a narcissist without losing yourself is to never go back at all. Peace, self-respect, and freedom are worth more than any toxic cycle.
“The narcissistic personality is stable” Ouch! that sounds like a positive thing!
I Thought there was Love in 14 years of Us Being together.
She Never Loved Me.
She always had me thinking it was always my fault. Nothing I Did was Ever Good Enough.
Its been 3 years and I still haven’t dated anybody. I’m afraid that I don’t know what a Real or Positive or Normal relationship (what ever normal is) is. I’m Mad and Hurt. I wasted 14 yrs of my life. I wasted my 30’s on Her. That sucks.
My mother went back to my abusive, narcissistic father for 15 years. And was encouraged to do so culturally and by her deeply narcissistic family of origin. Please do leave the abusers regardless of what your family or culture says is “right”
I went back, after reading your book and watching hours of YouTube videos. I had to experience it with the knowledge I now possess. I still left the relationship, but this time without crying, I was very composed and still am. A deliberate decision this time. Guess I needed that confirmation. My own closure.
So glad you have this clarity now.
Sadly, I went back after 12 years of separation. In the beginning I did great. We had to coparent our son. Which made black rocking him impossible.
Oh how I wish I had this knowledge I’ve gained through you, Dr. Ramani, before I left the marriage. I would have been prepared for the smear campaign he did on me to our son. I would have understood what was happening better.
I wouldn’t have allowed him to break me down and wear me out over those years of separation. I wouldn’t have gone back. I allowed myself to fall for the love bombing and have hope in him changing his narcissistic ways.
I’ve been back now for over 12 years. I’m a shell of myself. I’m undergoing ketamine therapy for severe/resistant to conventional meds, depression. I’m 63 and fear not being able to pay living expenses on my own, so here I am.
Radical acceptance is my only option. I’m working on me now. It’s been a rough road but I’m going to make it better for myself.
If you’re still able to get away, RUN! Don’t look back!
I’m so sorry for everything you went through… Please don’t stop fighting. You are not alone. Sending you love from Greece 🇬🇷
At 71 I can see all the needless pain I suffered all my life trying to make up for my parents (and siblings) painful pasts. As Dr. Ramani has said before “There is no virtue in being someone else’s emotional punching bag.” Take it from someone that spent 67 years doing it, truer words were never said. All of my efforts went into a black hole so none of us were happy.
Oceans of blessings
It’s hard to find support at all. People don’t really get this and I like my solitude. But right now I’m low contact and not going back in closer. I can flex in and out at times. I try to keep a safe distance but know at times I might get burned and need to back away for a bit. That’s my stable level of close/distance.
We survivors are like ninjas. It’s always about doing flips in the air like a black belt
10:34 I’d go so far as to say that if you’re watching this video you are not codependent.
“The more you have hope, the more likely you are dealing with a trauma-bonded circumstance.” This struck me as a very important statement, as it is how I had lived for decades in a relationship with my narcissistic father. I had finally gone mostly no-contact…then my mom died. The narcissism came back into my life full-force.
I have been trying no-contact again, but he’s sucking me in with “you’re the only one” who can help get his estate in order. I am one of four dysfunctional children, and my dad is an 80 year old narcissist with ADHD, anxiety and a hoarding disorder which triggers rage episodes. This could be my “going back to a narcissist” moment, out of family obligation.
Every text from him causes angst, and every response from me gives him narcissistic supply. What I really want is to move thousands of miles away…
This in incredibly helpful. It’s certainly something I have wondered about and I even spoke directly to my Ex about this before leaving. He was telling me that if he could just get to the other side of the latest stressful events, then things would be better again, and I asked, “And what about the next time, and the time after that? This isn’t the last stressful event that will occur in your life. What’s going to be different?” There was no answer of course. And yet still I wondered even after leaving, if he might actually get better and perhaps might not slip into quite such a bad state again and might miraculously somehow stop cycling through his good/bad pattern. But based on 2 decades of evidence, there’s no reason at all to expect that he is changing his outlook and approach to life and his behaviours, it is just a hopeful thought and also perhaps a way of trying to cope with the fact that I was in relationship with someone like this, by improving my esteem of him.
I really really appreciate your understanding of different people and different circumstances. Eventhough i did get out- i really understand how difficult things can be and how people choose to stay. I do love the fact that you show so much compassion for everyone and understanding!!