The Most Accurate Movie About Vulnerable Narcissism I’ve Ever Seen

@berenicedagamarose8263 says:

Same. 43 years. I feel you. ❤

@suewhosews6546 says:

I am 59 and have been separating from my vulnerable narcissist mother since I was 43. For me it has been a long process of seeing and accepting her manipulative ways. I would default to I must be overly sensitive, I must be misunderstanding, she’s a victim and so how can I say she is at fault etc etc. I was committed to being a good daughter and redeeming her life of pain and hardship, I was very enmeshed with her, calling each other many times a day… if she was up I was relaxed and ok to focus on my daily life family etc, if she became upset or down or frustrated with my stepfather then I would be upset and frustrated for her. This was a coping mechanism from childhood, My lifeline and caregiver had to be stable and ok for me to be ok. I shut down my feelings because there wasn’t any room for them. Hers took precedence in the family. As an adult, slowly learning and separating from her for 15 years, increasingly seeing her manipulations, her blame and her victim stance, I began to realize I am not truly an important separate individual in her mind. To her, I exist only to meet certain emotional and self esteem needs of hers. Two weeks ago I suspected she was manipulating me into something I had said for months I would not do. The day I found out I was indeed correct, she was lying to me and using someone else to do her bidding to trick me into being someplace that would serve only her needs, when she very well knew I had said no. I saw in that moment so utterly clearly that I was nothing to be respected. It was only all about her wants and her feelings. I felt a great sense of justification for truly limiting my interactions with her. No guilt, just clarity that any continuing energy spent on her was worth nothing. The grief that began a few days after that was very painful. Grief that she really truly had no respect for me as an individual or any preciousness for being her daughter. The mother I thought was a victim was a perpetrator, a self consumed conniving, using, manipulator. I had to grieve all of my childhood which now appeared like one long grooming session to be her emotional human prozac. I love my mom and spent years thinking I mattered as a daughter and believed she loved me. The grief is about loss of the hope I could do enough and she would grow in mental health and strength if I said the right things or helped in the right ways. She doesn’t want to grow! She just wants my continuous support and cheer leading and attention. To grow would mean standing in her own two feet and being responsible for herself. The grief is for never will I ever have a mother. Grief over how many decisions I made with her as the priority instead of myself or my spouse or my family. Shame over that!!! I am sad to distance myself knowing she will feel badly, but that she also will punish me for it. There is no having any kind of a relationship with her where I am not used and invisible. Huge gut wrenching realization!!!!! Grief from letting her go releasing her to her earned consequences. This is a long response, all to say I understand your grief at going no contact. And hope to explain it as well. I grieve the person I thought she was. I celebrate being liberated from the guilt of having a boundary that tells her no. I will never make a decision again that puts her needs and wants first. So I grieve, but I am free.