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The Psychology of Lying to a Narcissist
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Andrew McLaurin
I used to lie a lot because it was unsafe to tell the truth. In my earlier adulthood, a porter job at a car dealership helped me turn that around. My boss was the most cool headed person in the service department. Cars get dinged and things happen. The first couple times were the hardest to be up front. It’s amazing how stepping stones appear to help us.
I lie to the narcissist because she deserves it.
This is true Dr. Ramani. I have experienced this before with person that enveigled me into what was a business venture, though not making me fully aware, leaving out like you said, sins of omission-details in the partnership. Me being fooled and used, caused me to lose time and money. Narcissist’s lare was as a boomerang. Thankful for your video short giving good wise advise to when all the communication in the world is not working, find workarounds to get around the limitation of these relationships in our lives. Thank you.
Dr Ramani, I HAD a question? Re: medicine, if you have to take an anti convulsants and was told THAT you need deliverance from demons , I JUST wanted to KNOW, any type of medicine. Are you for medicine or are you against it? Because, after narcissistic abuse you seem to get sicker even more. And then you have people who tell you JUST have to keep coming for deliverance and have FAITH. Well, just wondering, also, my family was toxic and I learned that my whole family who STOLE from me,an inheritance lived off it. NOW they are and did, turn around and tried getting POA over me when I am managing my affairs. Then I found out that they are going bankrupt and ARE trying to say that I have all these mental issues, and I am taking medications but I AM taking care of myself. Now, my nephew and niece Kaitlin who was SMEARING my name put me in a position where I cannot even go out sometimes because I am being bullied. I AM LET the Attorney General KNOW AND the JOHNNIE COCHRAN LAW FIRM know.
NOW to sum it all up, I get tremors in my body, is there anything wrong with taking anticonvulsants because it helps me?
Yes. And I pointed out to her that I was now participating in her lies because the ambivalence about my telling her family what she did.
So then, she went ahead and told her dad and employed me that her mother is too female to understand. I had suggested I would tell her dad and she called the bluff. It was a pretty slick move, because now I’m apprehensive to bring the fact topic up with her dad because I don’t know if he knows or doesn’t at this point. I’m guessing she probably told him a lie or something broadly generic. I don’t know why I was covering for her. Maybe the kids? Yeah, if it wasn’t for the kids, I would’ve took it out in the ad in the paper, beware lying cheat
They make statements to support the narrative of their lie to throw you off the scent. Noise and hash, once you know.
Lies?? and there’s only one lie and that’s because of the same reason when you put your hand on the Bible to make an oath or be sworn in, You enter into the formal covenant of marriage( and all the words you spoke that define the boundaries of saying” I do.” You’re expected to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. A lie of omission contains another lie! I would say things like she’s an adult, there’s no reason I wouldn’t trust her. And then it turns into your own lies, defending. Someone might tell you she’s probably cheating on you. And you would say whatever it takes to dismiss the allegation. Even lie. Lie to cover your own stupidity. That’s what you want anyway. Smooth. Lying should be a sin. Oh, wait, it is.
So True!!! Goal: Radical Acceptance during/maintaining Strict No Contact…Blessings!!!
yes- it’s so against the core of my being to lie deliberately but a lifetime of gaslighting has taught me that my mum and brother can’t tolerate the truth so I have to find workarounds.
my brother learned this decades ago and I always thought he was two faced for code switching to the point of almost leading a double life (of which my parents didn’t see the other side).
I’m learning to be different now- not by lying but more a case of not overexplaining myself anymore and it drives them NUTS. They both expect me to infodump and justify every millimetre step to the nth degree. I’m severely ill physically and their pushiness has caused me severe anxiety and at times I have speech impediments as well so I just have to go silent and grey rock whenever I can and be on the receiving end of their bitchy snipping comments over it. Apparently I’m ‘ungrateful’ according to their version.
I’m realizing I was an accomplished work around person out of necessity.
Mine called me a manipulator because I left out details, told bare minimum because I was tired of trying to explain myself for anything and everything and then hearing about it later, twisted and turned so she was the victim.
Sometimes saying anything put me in danger, so silence, or saying the minimum was best: As in the route home from work or school, when traffic, or road work made it longer, and because of that I’d be accused of having an affair. 🙄🤪😥
And I would hesitate to categorize these things as “lies”. To me a lie is something said to deceive for personal gain by ripping someone off financially…not avoiding a beating or worse.
hey Dr Ramani! i’m a longtime follower of yours, & i think these shorts can act more as a “hook” for a larger audience, but as you know the word narcissism is so stigmatized that if you say it upfront most people will just be like “yeah whatever” and scroll. it might be more impactful to phrase it differently at least in the captions.
Watched it