You might not have noticed it at first, but looking back, it’s clear—they never protected you. When you were mistreated, dismissed, or hurt, they didn’t step in, didn’t stand by you, didn’t have your back. Instead, they took the other side, minimized what happened, or made you feel like you were the problem. Let’s talk about why this silent betrayal is one of the most damaging parts of a narcissistic relationship.
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I recognize this. I was seldom defended unless my being insulted offended my relatives personally, which was rare. But I would manage things to stave off Mother’s temper.
WHEN THEY GIVE YOU THE SILENT TREATMENT THEY TEXT WITH OTHER PEOPLE .
That’s not the same topic as the video
No doubt doing a smear campaign!
@ …expect men to smear women .
Mine would go out with a female neighbor
I thought this was just with me 😱
This is so true. My teen years were spent in survival mode due to the lack of protection from my mother because she was the narc. Then I married a narc and this same dynamic played out.
Yes! This is so damaging, to never have a sense of safety with a person who is supposed to be closest to you more than anyone else. It hurts to never have that closeness with your partner.
Partners, Parents, siblings, family, friends, I’ve seen this behavior in many narcissistic from various social relations. It’s weird how these situational analyses apply to other areas of life, the same underlying dynamics
He never stood up for me ..his family his friends disrespected me and he never said anything to defend me..he belittled me in front of them and talked bad about me..made me feel like I was nothing..
It is sad to read that. That ‘made you feel like you were nothing’ is because…you ARE nothing to them. Your only purpose is to serve up that supply they so desparately need. When you suffer, they feel in control. Drama and control is what they thrive on. You ARE something and worthy. Be well.
I love your videos! I feel so heard and understood! ❤
Spot on… it’s not just what happens, but what doesn’t happen. It’s not just the harm, but the response to it. Not putting a bubble around you, but authentically sitting with you🙏
That really hit me, too! 😢And only someone who has experienced this would understand.
Exactly…well said!
@@misottovoce 😊
This is so spot on. In tears at the accuracy. I’ve not been able to put my experience into words but you did. Thank you.
While he drove to an event, I was sitting in the passenger seat crying, because I realized how miserable I was when I was with him. I was sobbing my heart out. And he just made believe he didn’t notice. And another time during a discussion I mentioned to him that I could cry right in front of him and he just ignores me. To which he responded, I would never do that. So not only ignoring your feelings, but then making believe they didn’t even notice it’s just so beyond being neglected. You start to feel invisible.
I’ve been in your shoes too many times to count. It hurts. I’m sorry you had to experience this betrayal too. 😢
Sorry you are in the same boat, I ‘m wondering if I have the courage & potential finances to get a divorce & start a new life?
I hope your situation improves , because it’s very hard to live happily in a situation like this. It’s very oppressive and crushes your soul. Thanks for sharing & sending positive thoughts & wishes for you.
@@nancydrew8388I know exactly how you feel. I’m literally in this same boat right now. We’re not married yet. Ironically enough, he just proposed on Thanksgiving and ever since the holidays ended it’s been a nightmare for me. The things he’s been saying to me hasn’t ruined everything for me and has completely broken my heart. A woman waits for years and years for that magic moment in her life of being proposed to the man that loves her and respects her deeply. And that has been given to me, so I got a taste of that happiness for a month or so, and then it was gone. Just like that. He was back to being disrespectful and verbally abusing me and thinking it’s okay.😞 Not even apologizing when he does. He’ll refuse to apologize, even when I ask nicely and respectfully. I too am trying so hard to find the courage to leave this life of misery, grief and turmoil. I think I am hanging onto the fantasy of who I thought he was for so long and who I wanted him to be and gave him so many chances over these last 5 yrs. So many and he never really changes. It’s scary to think I may have to leave and go back to live with my parents and start all over. I honestly feel like that’s going backwards in life so I stay because I know I wasn’t happy there either. I am in a bad place financially. I’m just in a mess. I just turned 27 and I feel like I am watching my life getting ruined every day and I feel trapped. He just moved us to a whole new state 6 months ago and I literally no NO ONE here I’m away from all my family and friends. I feel so alone in this.
@@nancydrew8388 it does crush your soul. I made the decision to leave without any plan b or c. I had to run because for me, things were getting worse rather than better
Yes, been through this, so glad to be free from it now.
To me, the biggest hurt was believing i was not worth prptecting. The feeling od unwortiness following me my whole life
I started reading about narcissism and ended up on this channel because my ex told me I was a narcissist. He said it after I found out that he was flirting with a ex coworker and I exploded with rage. I believed him. I even apologised. 18 freaking years of me thinking that I was too demanding, too controling, too emotional, that my behavior didn’t deserve his affection or his care. 18 years with periods of silent treatment, once because I didn’t answer one of his texts while I was at work. Now when I look at him all that comes to my mind is “I apologised to him for being hurt”. And it blows my mind every freaking time.
I was probably 6 the first time I felt less important to my mother. 11 when I felt unsafe. 12 when I felt neglected. 14 gaslit and in danger. I left home at 16 and spent 25 years trying to feel connected, trying to fit in and feel loved. It never happened. No wonder adult relationships were so hard. This channel and your explanations of so many things helped me sort through what really happened. You have my gratitude.
I realized I was alone and had to take care of myself at 4. I never let anyone in emotionally. I had to be stoic. When I was working as a paramedic, I had to transport a 4 yr old little girl to the morgue. When my partner went to help, I picked the child up in my arms and put her on the morgue gurney. All I can think about is I did not arrange her blanket because I was afraid I would start crying. When we left, my partner asked if I was ok. I said I was fine and never talked about the incident to anyone. I ended up quitting my job a few days later.
My heart goes out to you! @@marysisak2359
@ it’s a hard world. I hope you are finding what makes you happy.
Found out I was pregnant & diagnosed with cancer the same day, 2 hours apart. Decided to fight for both my babies life & mine simultaneously. As the wife of a narcissist, I prayed alone, cried alone, did chemotherapy for 6 months alone, gave birth with him present but emotionally gone, did radiation alone, healed after 3 surgeries alone but can’t communicate that emotional pain to anyone because all his flying monkeys say “well, at least you didn’t have to work during all that. Be thankful!”. Completely overlooking the fact that I was a mom already too & didn’t miss much of our daughters life or housework during this time.
Life is wild 😢
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of it alone, scared and unsupported by the person who was supposed to be there for you and provide love, comfort and safety of being in all those struggles together. Your painful experiences are a perfect example of a major and ongoing narcissistic betrayal. You’re a hero, and that cruel and heartless narcissist in your life is a miserable parody of a human being – total failure!
I wish you all the best and all the health you need to be able to protect yourself from such harm in the future.
Stay strong and well 🙂! God bless you!
@ I appreciate your kind words❤️. May life be beautiful for you
I thought I had the worst abuser, but sadly, you win, and I am sorry. You’re a strong woman and have triumphed so far, but how are you now?
Thank you and the same to you ! And may your life be filled with peace and harmony, and with many kind, compassionate, caring and loving people always ready to stand by your side, especially in hard times❣️
My soul hurts for you 🥀💔🥀
This breaks my heart realizing how I was not protected at all and spend so much of my energy protecting myself. It’s exhausting. It explains how I find it hard to function or socialize sometimes living life in a restricted anxious manner because I always feel unsafe 😢 When I’ve been harmed I didn’t really have anyone safe to talk to. I struggle with feeling worthless because of it all for sure. Remembering that it’s not true and not me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I nearly burst into tears listening to this. It sums it up so perfectly 👌
My family of origin protects each other and left me on the outside to fend for myself with everything and judges me for not being as ” normal ” as think I should have been.
Now, I’ve got a spouse who is the same but without verbal judgement.
That is precisely how my ex-husband treated me around other people. Please don’t ignore it! His betrayal progressively worsened;
Thee next step was his physical abuse.
Yes, exactly.
Silence as a form of narcissistic abuse. Thank you Dr. Ramani for going into this!
After being raised by toxic parents and being in a marriage with a narcissist, I feel the most important thing in a relationship is that my partner have my back. I am lucky because I finally found someone who does have my back.
Absolutely related to this. I was always wrong and cold and anything else he could blame on me. Everyone else knew better. The man who was supposed to protect me was my abuser. I protect myself and my children. He didn’t even protect them but became the aggressor. Thank u Dr
U have made me understand so much
This is by far one of your best videos.
Bringing to light the “reality and need of protection” as an essential part of ANY close relationship is often touted but never explained. The points in your breakdown need to be in every Psych handbook and textbook.
Phenomenal work and thank you so much.