Healthy Jealousy vs. Narcissistic Jealousy
Jealousy is a normal human emotion—but not all jealousy looks the same. In healthy relationships, it may come and go without causing harm. In narcissistic relationships, however, jealousy can take on a very different tone. It can be confusing, exhausting, and leave you questioning yourself. In this video, we'll explore the difference between healthy jealousy and the kind of jealousy that can create significant challenges in relationships.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Narc jealousy is “i’m not jealous” but the behavior enacted feels just like it so hmm
Jealousy is normal.
My Cat gets jealous when I pet another cat – fear of losing something you value or Love is perfectly normal.
Manipulation is not normal.
Normal doesn’t mean good or necessary. Animals are feeling beings but they’re not human. They don’t have the cognitive ability we have. Don’t blame animals and children for jealousy but children can be made to feel secure and jealousy either won’t happen or can be lessened. . By adulthood you shouldn’t be feeling jealous of others. Seek therapy if you do- no shame, just seek to end suffering.
@M_SC therapy doesnt eliminate jealousy. that’s not how it works. and jealousy happens to people who are in therapy just as much as people not in therapy. therapy is not a magic healing spell that makes you all-knowing and all-forgiving. therapy is one tool. i personally have been struggling LESS with jealousy now that i no longer do therapy. when i quit therapy after 20 years of it, thats when i began to heal and love myself enough that i dont really get jealous of other people. when i was starving, yes i was jealous of people who had food at every meal. that’s normal. that was my mind-body telling me “you need and deserve food.” jealousy can be a positive force that motivates us to make changes and seek better for ourselves.
Even manipulation is normal. Baby’s manipulate. Their crying manipulates the mother to take care of them.
When we asked something we smile.
The funny part about jealousy is that you least expect it from your partner or spouse since any success or reputation gain should benefit both of you, but unfortunately, in relationships where one has narcissistic traits, this could not only cause troubles but lead to end the relationship itself!
in which case it’s a blessing in disguise…
Sad truth
@AndiRose21you’re right tho
“You always have time for them and not me”
Every accusation is a confession.
Maybe with narcissists. But out of everyone, there are people who are wronged, and speaking out about it doesn’t mean they themselves did that same wrong.
@botarakutabi1199yes. We are talking about narcissists here though.
@M_SC Right, but op said, “Every accusation is a confession.”, ‘Every’ is all inclusive, so that would also include accusations AGAINST narcissists. That would imply all victims of narcissists are themselves narcissists. Which obviously isn’t true. Do you see now why I took issue with the original statement in this context?
17years in narcissistic relationship and I can also confirm all accusations turned out to be their guilty conscience assuming I was like them
@botarakutabi1199 not even 100% with narcissists tbh. if life has taught me anything it’s that there are always scenarios one didn’t think of, and that holds true for good and bad things.
i don’t think my narcissist ex cheated on me when she accused me of it. not that i would be surprised if she did but i don’t think she did (seems to only have happened when she transitioned between victims).
more a tell of how much she needed to control things and how insecure she probably was. and she was absolutely not able to be vulnerable and open (and i think she was at the same time grossed out that i was openly showing vulnerability but also i gave her all the ammunition she needed, but that’s another story).
In a Narcissists mind, if they know the inappropriate thoughts and actions they are capable of, they assume their Partners are capable of them too, so that’s also why they Project, in order to deflect their own accountability onto someone else. 🍒
Exactly. They think everybody else is just as amoral as themselves.
@lucycrown212some are amoral but others truly are immoral
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I’m so very glad you mentioned tech abuse. It’s so very real
When jealousy leads to competitiveness, I’m out. Not a positive trait in a friend.
Exact same here. My husband tried competing with me and I repeatedly told him to give it up. Not my thing.
my lifelong friend started showing jealousy when i glowed up, example – i am prone to bad, cystic acne and she knows this well, i was once doing my skincare infront of her, unprovoked she told me she only needs to use soap, i didn’t respond. like girl i know, congrats on not having acne like me… I don’t talk to her anymore
@beautiful-gownsThat was competitiveness not jealousy. Still not good.
@jokendrick2124op stated when “jealousy leads to competitiveness” which is what i responded to, she was jealous of me in many ways, which led to competitiveness and control, youre being pedantic
Sure ain’t.❤
I have to be invisible.
If I do anything (receive an award/ recognition of any kind) it’s criticized.
Anyone speaking about me in a positive way brings ridicule.
“Who am I to deserve that…”
and of course, there’s jealousy associated with it.
The projection is real. That was the very first characteristic I noticed when I began to know this relationship is “off” and then looking into it more, I found several sources on narcissistic behavioral patterns. And after that, it’s more like just ticking off observations from a checklist– with about a 97% conformity to NPD.
This channel has helped me recognize and cope in huge ways. It’s like Dr. Ramani lived in my house to research her dissertation– she doesn’t hit the nail on the head– she uses a nail gun. 😅
I’m not a jealous type so it takes a lot to get me there but my ex-narcissist went out of his way to make me jealous. Even after he cheated on me, I don’t even think it was jealousy that kicked in. Maybe it was there but the more overwhelming feeling was one of deep betrayal. On the other hand, after we split up he had a huge reaction to what he said were guys in the car next us, “checking me out and making perverted comments”. I hadn’t noticed but it got him out of the car and banging on the hood of their car, all in the presence of our toddler. The oddest thing is that he wanted me to be attractive to other men so they could be jealous of him.
I’ve never experienced nonNarc jealousy. Had no idea there was any other form!
“Self-righteous hooey.” I love you Dr. Ramani. You always nail it!
I was in middle school and recognized how I felt jealous and I hated the feeling. I learned how to handle those feelings at that age. It’s such an ugly feeling.
The right answer is yes! Once jealous, always jealous in my experience.
When a narcissist gets jealous of your friendship with another person, they will stop at nothing to sabotage that friendship.
they are not jealous because they love you, they are jealous because they are not in control.
Bingo.
It seems that accusation are a form of control. After all, they “act” like they can’t trust if you’re out of their sight. Therefore you become their prisoner, under their control
They attach via an invisible emotional umbilical cord and act like you are the overdependent person (but covertly they are over emotionally attached to you) then accuse you of loving others more than them, even with the kids and grandkids. Even if you trying to directly address their insecurity they dig in even deeper.
He was jealous that I had a better family background, jealous that I was smarter (not academically necessarily), jealous when someone complimented me, jealous when I got job interviews, jealous when I played better than him in a game. If I had a job, he would’ve stressed me out enough to lose it. 6 months free and I wish I had left sooner.