How we try to avoid the narcissist’s wrath
What do you start doing differently when you’re trying to avoid a narcissistic person’s wrath? In this video, Dr. Ramani breaks down the subtle ways fear of their reactions can start changing how you behave.
====================
MORE FROM DR. RAMANI
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
JOIN THERAPISTS ONLY (PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS)
VISIT MY WEBSITE
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES AND HOTLINES
====================
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
The make you start apologising for no reason and overexplaining yourself.
Then they get angry with you for acting like that and pick THAT apart.
Not possible. Ragers will Rage regardless of anything and everything and all that goes along with it. Goes with the territory of being involved with them. You Can’t Win. 😭
Hang in there and stay strong!!!.
I’m AuDHD and don’t fawn, because it feels so inauthentic. Sometimes I wish I did. My covert narc mom loses it every two or three days, and I feel so unsafe.
🙋🏻♀️ SAME EXACT HERE. The only thing that worked was staying tf away from her because I will NOT lie, I will NOT fawn, I WILL call her out about all her harmful behaviors and beliefs. And I physically CAN NOT mince words. For me going no contact was the only answer.
I’m autistic, likely AuDHD. My sperm donor wants me to fawn, but I never could. That was the source of many of our conflicts when I was growing up, and if I’m my more authentic self when he’s around it still causes friction. I’m more of a stereotypical fight or flight response because, frankly, I don’t want to deal with the BS. That’s why I’m leaving and going NC forever. After 30 years of trying so hard to find any form of coexistence between us, I realized there IS no coexistence. It can’t exist because he’s too toxic and I literally live in a constant headache when he’s around.
I still fawn .. I freeze , but how odd I am aware of this. I use to just check out.. I’m aware of this one too.. sounds crazy but I use the freeze zone for meditation states now.
I am saddened to hear that you are going through a difficult time. I can fully relate to that immediate anxiety attack when threatened. Your whole body seizes. It is not easy to think clearly in those moments. My heart goes out to you. Wish I could do more.
That’s actually “proof” you MUST be drunk or high. So more “good” people from the “good” groups have to torment you more until you’re spirit is totally crushed. Back down where you belong. But how dare you have a crushed spirit! You have victimized them yet again. Stop upsetting precious!!!
Hehe! It’s so funny, isn’t it? Makes one feel so much better than their target. Proves you to be the superior one. YAY! But what? No, none of this happened at all. You’re stupid! You’re crazy! You just don’t want to get along. You need to be put on meds. YAY!
I don’t care. If I see somebody being a narcissist I’m calling it out
Want to act like a crappy human being?
I’m calling you out
Be cautious of name-calling, that usually backfires. Call out the behavior, not the person.
@kha0s616 thank you for your insight and point of view but the egg shell walking isn’t for me
Also, I’m very well versed in this I feel.
Enabling by being cautious isn’t for me 😅
I’d only do it once to let them know I’m onto them, then ignore and avoid them like the Plague.
@cherrybacon3319 oh believe me, they know I’m on to them. 😅
But totally respect what you’re doing. Its a good way to go
This sounds like so much work to defuse the bomb!
was in from 15 to 55, out now 15 years, radical acceptance, but tll i found u i still wondered why, how, what i dd to set him off. i did know it wasnt my problem, but even a ocompliment would do it. “we’re so lucky to have you,” met with,”damn right, somebody has to pull their weight around here. must be.n nice…” now i know. thank you.
I’m so sorry! 😢
Falling in love is the most dangerous thing in the world . I know your pain . I spent too many years trying to gain traction in a relationship with someone that was constantly showing me they did not really want me, or respect me. Unfortunately when there are children involved you try and make constant adjustment’s , and enable the slow decent of humiliation and degradation . It’s like the Strongest Undertow of emotions , taking down to the bottom of your being , trying to get back to the surface so you can breath . Never again will I allow this humiliation and destruction of my being .
I’m judging my new ‘non-fawning self” too. It seems cold and a little judgmental to be discerning and often determine that I will not engage in something with people. It helps to hear you voice a similar feeling. Sorry to hear of icky things happening in your life Dr. Ramani. Your work here has made it possible for me to believe in safe and comfortable people and spaces! Altho I am having trouble feeling accepted in the Healing Program chats, but I hope it is just a phase I am going thru in my healing.
I’ve followed your channel for years, and this is my first comment. Thank you, Dr, Ramani for another gem in the ToolKit- This discussion of ‘Bomb Diffusion’ technique is SO on-point – and resonates as deeply as the “Grey Rock” method. These tools equip US – and have helped me tremendously.
WOW! I just now connected my childhood migraines to my home life.
They went on into my late 30s.
Thank you💃🏼
I’m so sorry hearing that. Hope you get better. God blesses you. Thank so much for the help you have given us
I didn’t have a life. I had a job in risk management, a set of highly exhausting coping mechanisms for anger, vindictiveness, and paranoia–pre-emptive compliance, scanning the environment, self-censoring my voice, constant apologetic tone, shrinking my world, .cutting off any support, trying to be perfect, trying to fit all anticipated expectations, trying to have inner peace and create a peaceful environment. I was raised that way, so I never had a life to remember when I got professional healing help. It was both exciting and scary. My nervous system had to be discovered from the ground up.
The worst part is that they explode even if you do everything that they want cause they are so unstable and contradict what they say themselves, they try to find any sort of fault or make it up just to trigger themselves into exploding. Like they have nothing else going on than wanting to cause fights or degrade their partnet to feel powerful ugh
❤thank you ❤❤sharing has helped ❤❤❤
Discernment 🙏
Wishing you health and recovery, Ramani!
It’s astonishing how we are willing to cross those invisible lines within ourselves that are our natural defenses, just to keep the peace. 🍒