Why can narcissistic family systems feel so confusing even when you know something is wrong? In this video, Dr. Ramani explores the different ways enabling can show up in families and why the people surrounding a narcissistic person can sometimes make the dynamic even harder to understand.
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TY from Corvallis Oregon!😊
Haven’t seen my family of origin in 4 years 😢 but its been actually so uplifting & productive for my life. Thank you for the insight saved my life ❤
That’s ok! If they’re draining you, you don’t need that! My kids noticed I was much happier too. Crazy how that works but we’ve got this! ❤
Let it stay like this. When I look back I clearly see that the best periods of my life were the times when I isolated from them. And also they don‘t change, not even approaching the end.
People surrounding the narcissist are in many cases narcissists themselves, such as the narcissistic father or mother who encourage and compliment their narcissistic son or daughter even when they are mistaken, they simply form a shield to protect their children through entitlement zero-accountability, validation, and so on!
Exactly! The will dismiss abuse! Their precious child would never do that. 🤪
Yes, I’m realizing this later in life. Years ago I just loved them through it until they turn on you…like a pack of wolves. No thanks. It’s like for years I threw my pearls to swine. It’s just horrible…
I didn’t realize how bad it really was until i started healing. Blew my mind. Things I used to laugh about I now cringe about. Like my mother stabbing me in the top of the hand with a fork and laughed. More and more stuff. I’m now no contact.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that. I hope you are able to heal 🙏🏻
Jeez I get it fr. It’s like living in a parallel world and once you know what’s healthy, you feel like you never had someone normal and balanced in your childhood to teach you about life and positive interactions.
It is so difficult to be dealing with narcissistic abuse in our own family and the landmines on top of it. It is very lonely when you are ostracized by almost everyone. Thanks Dr Ramani ❤
I cut most of my family out. They’re completely mentally ill, or narcissistic themselves. I can’t tell you how good life feels living in a world without disordered people
It really is a breath of fresh air to know life is good
😁👍
I don’t blame you
family, can be the worst haters sometimes, and hide behind fake smiles, denying that it ever happens when you bring it up.
All of the family members no loss it’s an eye opener no doubt. All exposed it’s disturbing even the children.😵💫😵💫😞
Currently going through this. My family has good hearts (meaning they’re not malicious) but they’re super dysfunctional. I would rather spend time with my in-laws than with them. So I do.
@JosieHum23gut 👍
“It’s alright to disrespect someone who hasn’t earned your respect.”
Okay, dad
Genau 👍
Many of us who grew up in narcissistic families later found ourselves in narcissistic relationships as adults.
Yep.
Yep. Left me wide open and prime prey. Felt familiar
Yes. Very true indeed.
We keep trying to “fix” them or be validated as worthy of love by this type of character. It’s a huge mistake. Team therapy. I’m fortunate to have survived.
Yes, attracted to unhealthy because it feels familiar. Not good.
When someone from a relatively healthy family becomes romantically involved with a person who has strong narcissistic traits, they often gradually become unrecognizable to us. They often enable or defend behavior they once would have opposed, sometimes becoming an unwitting accomplice. Watching this transformation from the outside can be deeply painful, especially when the person is someone you love.
On as positive note, the opposite can also happen. I got married and saw how functional and well-regulated my in-laws are, and now I’m low contact with my family of origin because I refuse to engage with their shenanigans and that makes me the bad guy.
You are beautiful and I love listening to you. It is exhausting being around these people you speak of. The levels of lies and deception they scuttle about maintaining are both exhausing and nauseating.
Enablers have some personality disorder, bpd or narcissism or both, but they do not have normal insight
Recently, a family member sought me out at a function when it was safe. The scales had fallen from their eyes and they had suffered first hand and unable to escape since it was a mutual holiday situation. The wife eyed loss for words, pressing desire to be understood and (finally) understanding what had made me look the painting of the Drama Queen was a lie. It was oddly healing for both
The good news from growing up in a toxic family is that much through Dr Ramani’s teaching and others, is that I am standing outside, looking in. I am the wiser and I am not beholden to anyone. I do not worship at their Golden Calf.
OMG! I was the double agent to my step daughter. That makes me so sad. I just realized my husband and his mother are narcissists. I made excuses for their bad behavior. Not anymore. I’m currently divorcing my husband.
This whole video describes my husband’s family completely.
It is all so ugly. Thanking God for Dr Ramani, you have helped me more than you will ever know. Blessings to you Dr Ramani✌🏻❤️🙏🏻💜
Amazing how many narcissits exist in the world!😢😢😢
Two months away from Christmas, I’ve already started feeling pressurized by both my parents to see my narcissistic older sister (from whom I’ve been estranged since July for physically assaulting me in front of my 4-year-old daughter), so that Children’s Day and the holidays will be “normal” and “confusion-free”. It’s devastating to feel like you’re being seen as the defective cog in the family wheel for speaking up and moving away from a toxic family member.
Dr. Ramani is always spot-on with her videos!
Thank you so much for this discussion. I was convinced and led to believe that I was the issue. I wasn’t even aloud to plan anything with out being accused of ruining the holiday. It took me a long time to figure out that my wife turned both our kids into double agents. The kids are young adults now and inform my narcissistic wife everything she wants to hear and only after hitting the breaking point and left did I realize that I’ve been played all along. Last week I turned 65 and retired the same day. Not one of them bothered to acknowledge this once in a lifetime event for me…. Just silence. They all got what they wanted, everything. The stories she tells people so she can still play the victim even after all she did has left me without even MY family talking to me.
I might live alone now but at least I have peace. Well, it’s more like pieces of peace. I’m still coming to terms with everything. Thank you for this. I feel like I can see the picture more clearly now and feel validated. ❤️
Thank you. This is so stabilizing for those going through the confusion of deep feels and chaotic holidays that leave them depressed and exhausted. I left my circus many years ago and enjoy my non-traditional holidays of spending time alone or with good humans. I don’t miss the narcissists, the flying monkeys, the deniers and shushers… all of them doing their part in the awfulness of the holidays.