The No-Win Framework for Dealing With a Narcissist
Why can walking on eggshells around a narcissist make things worse instead of better? In this video, Dr. Ramani explores the “eggshell paradox” and why even your efforts to stay calm can become part of the conflict.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
That’s why silence is the ultimate solution, since any kind of response will fuel them!
Check out Jefferson Fisher for the RIGHT words to use.
Yes, I agree.
If you have to choose silence, they’re still victimizing you by forcing you to choose silence.
I’m in the middle of the inevitable Discard/ Divorce from my Vulnerable Narci wife of 36yrs. If you’re in a partner relationship with a Narci, PLEASE leave the relationship ASAP while staying safe. Don’t get stuck like I was.
@kenanglemire8328good luck wish you all the best
I actually get it worse for not responding and if I give a “fake” response. The ONLY choice I get is TO engage because he WANTS a fight. You can imagine how terrifying THAT is… and Im positive that I am not the only one being made to live this way. May God protect me🙏
This screams DEEP….
DON’T :
DEFEND
ENGAGE
EXPLAIN
PERSONALIZE
Thanks! Needed the list.
@AEN-o5xYou’re more than welcome. I’m glad you’re here. It means you want to learn new SKILLS to become a SURVIVOR.
THE CLIMB IS TOUGH BUT THE VIEW IS AMAZING AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN! 🎉😊🎉
SEE YOU AT THE TOP! ❤
Cut these sobs out of your life if you can. I think these people are mentally ill, I have several in my family and have cut all of them out. Itshould be classified as a serious mental illness
Hand raised 🤚 been to this party, it made me an expert at the fragile don’t trigger them dance. 💃I decided to leave the party and never looked back.
Wouldn’t it be better to learn the right words to trigger them instead of them disregulating us ?
You can’t outmaneuver a cold blooded predator they’ll just DARVO and gaslight.
@SuB-gy4rbYou can’t WIN, but you can out maneuver them.
@kenanglemire8328 then we’d become public enemy number one with a target on our heads
@SherryTomlinson-r2yWe already are.
Sherry, I’m encouraging you to ask yourself, “am I OK with this relationship?”. If not what do I need to do to remove myself from it.
Praise or Provoke, Narcissists get supply either way. I’ve learned through Jefferson Fisher’s videos to leave them speechless and not force me to have an EMOTIONAL REACTION.
I stay emotionally regulated and the Narci realizes I’ve exposed their performance. I only caution this, it’ll accelerate the inevitable Discard of you!
It is so exhausting to deal with these people. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
UNLESS you learn the right words 🤔
The double standards and entitlement is really tiresome
@kenanglemire8328there are no right words
@xsplifficbeats6340TY for the response and I’m glad you’re here.
I disagree! I have learned a lot about Narcissists in the last year dealing with the inevitable Discard Phase of my Vulnerable Narci wife of 36yrs.
Now that I better understand Narcissism, I have been able to learn how to interact with them using the right words to interact with them while I’m able to stay regulated.
I recommend you check out Dr Peter Salerno on the science part, and Jefferson Fisher on how to communicate with the Narcissists.
Narcissists are among us in the work place, neighbors, families, and society at large. They’re not going anywhere!
Until science and treatment catch up for the Narcis, we as SURVIVORS have to learn how to not be re-victamized and stay regulated in the process.
I hope this helps your dynamic..
Peace Be With You on your journey!
@xsplifficbeats6340then we have to ask ourselves, “what are we gonna do about it?”.
Staying stuck isn’t a solution, it’s you continually being victimized. We need SURVIVOR TRAINING
They do get pissed! Dr. Ramani, you’re a true treasure!
Thank you for acknowledging this!
That’s right, if you start to get into their game, you don’t communicate, they communicate the way they want, they play with your mind, they say a lot and actually do nothing and you end up leaving exhausted. And it’s not worth wasting your energy on them. I do that, but it’s hard to get out of something like that, when they actually get into your head and it’s hard to get them out of there. For me, since I’ve been dealing with this, it’s been 3 years since I’ve been dealing with it, it’s extremely hard, exhausting and always in a state of coping, of focusing on what’s worth it, on what’s important to me. But it’s hard, very hard.
Brilliant. You are so ON in this one, Dr. Ramani. They want an impossible frictionless life, and they will never cop to it. I’m watching again right now.
It’s almost hard to fathom that we live in a reality where we can get screamed at for breathing…
That kinda tickled me because I totally get it. Seeing Dr Ramani doing her breathing in front of the narcissist jerk. I can hear the narcissist too. 😵💫
You are so unbelievably helpful and unbelievably human! I am going to call you a name, however, the opposite of a narcissist.
Cannot thank you enough for all the grace and problem-solving skills you so freely give us.
Grateful does not seem adequate enough word. Thank you for working to build and improve our humanity instead of killing it.
No way can I ever express how much I appreciate you and love you for your humanity.
What you say is true. I have experienced it myself. Thank you and be blessed for your work raising awareness about narcissism. Strength and be healthy!
So scarily accurate!!
When you walk on eggshells then YOUR sneaky and up to no good.. good ole projection
That’s when they keep saying and/or implying a person is up to no good. Like a person doesn’t drink and they say “at any moment they will start drinking”.
You are not supposed to have a reaction to their actions! However, if they never did the action there would not be a reaction!
Thanks Dr. R.
I cannot, will not legitimize any narc bull-caca. Period.
you really can’t win, at least not all the time !!! they know their inappropriate behaviour should trigger a reaction and when it doesn’t, they respond by getting even more angry at you !! it’s soul shattering and mind numbing!
It’s amazing how sensitive these individuals are as it pertains to their own needs but completely insensitive to how they treat others. The sensitivity only works in one direction.
He does silent treatment for any inconvenience I cause to his ego, whether it’s basic accountability. It’s exhausting like dealing with a toddler.
Yep. Narcissists lack empathy for everybody except themselves.
I finally understood that not engaging is a form of setting a boundary and protects my peace. My reaction is their reward and I’ve decided Im not giving it to them. It’s hard not to but Ive noticed that I’m a better person I get stronger when I decide not to react . 😁🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I’m in the same boat. I don’t react to my family member if they text or sends me things for special occasions. My husband said I should at least tell them thank you, but for me that’s keeping in contact with them and I don’t want that.