What the narcissist’s good deeds really mean
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Narcissists are shameless at self-promoting! They only performs good deeds when they need to look good in front of others, when they need to be seen as the hero or savior.
And then go on and on about it another time if they get recognized for it, saying they don’t want recognition and that ruins it. Well, keep it to yourself then, if you don’t want people to know!
I think of it like using a credit card where the interest rate is WAY TOO HIGH.
perfect description!
@dawntreader815 Even if the item you want is on a big sale and seems like a great deal, what will it really cost in the end?
Perfectly said.
This is so true. That change is just to mess with your head. It’s calculated and deliberate. Temporary changes are like protection for the narcissist. It’s part of their control maintenance.
It always feels awkward when the narcissist is all of a sudden nice to me for no reason. Like I’m so used to them being very mean and abusive. It doesn’t really make me feel any better. I get confused thinking maybe they want something. Even when part of me wants to believe they’ve changed, deep down, I know they haven’t. It’s just another mind game they’re playing.
OMG!!! So true!! You just know there’s a bait attached to them being nice
Good instinct. The niceness is part of their plan. They want smthg.
After years of watching them purposefully do harm, my initial though now to any action intended to pass for kindness is: “ugh, what do they WANT now 🙄?”
Every hair on the back of my neck goes up
Oh, and if you react cautiously because you are not used to this behaviour or experienced too many mood changes in the past, your are the one who is ungrateful, heartless and emotionally cold…
Narcissists good deeds really mean showing others how great they are than other people.
That’s how I got sucked into a narc relationship. He played savior and fuced my broken tractor, fixed a couple of other things. Eventually showed his true nasty controlling self.
My beloved therapist called it “the carrot before the horse”. Leading you on and on and….
What’s scary is the “normal” feels scarier than the abuse – cos I know it won’t last 😞
The “normal” spikes up your anxiety 😢
NEVER TRUST NO MAN WHO gets upset over your reactions to his actions! You got mad because of what he did & now he’s mad because you reacted. Then he tries to gaslight you by saying you’re always arguing or creating negativity. No, that’s MANIPULATION. That’s narcissistic behavior. You don’t get to hurt people & then play the VICTIM when they call you out 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
Absolutely!! It’s just as bad when it’s family. This is my sister to a T 😮😮
Did you ask for his help twice in the same year for 1 task to be done. No wonder he freaked out 🤣 And i bet he did a p1ss poor job of it anyway!
As someone suggested, you are treated like the enemy, they have to have an enemy, so their poor old me stories are validated
I tell people that there has to be an adversary and there’s also always a system above everything orchestrating the world against them.
No matter what I did to try to change the circumstances, she would find the adversary and name the system… And round and round it goes
Yes, my ex mother in law and my brother always have an enemy they are battling with, my kids father, same also.
Narcissist Apology….That didn’t happen, And if it did, it wasn’t that bad
And if it was, that’s not a big deal, And if it is, it’s not my fault, And if it was, I didn’t mean it, And if I did, you deserved it
You nailed it!!!
My nmom holds the things i never asked for her to do for me over my head. Most frustrating thing in the world.
When my mother was in a bad mood or angry it dominated the house. I could sense it when I came home and without knowing what I was doing I would walk on egg shells. When we moved to a new house my mother was really, really unhappy. I was 10 years old. I developed agoraphobia (of course, I did not know what it was) and I began to make excuses for not going to school and started flunking out. Mother was not happy living where we were and so none of us were going to be happy or maybe the truth was she simply did not even think about the rest of us.
When they do something nice, it’s because they need something or are going to ask you for something.
Sometimes they just want to show off and want the applause and attention. And if you don’t deliver, you are the problem…
Well said 👍
Yes, I think she cares but I’m just needed in her schedule just part of her getting something done. It could be me or anyone else. I’m nothing but a table put up for a garage sale. And put away when done with.
When a Narcissist or Covert Machiavellian Narcissist Suddenly does something ‘nice’ for you, Watch Out ! BeWare ! It’s a Trap and a Set Up from hell. Even their ‘niceness’ had an icky or OFF feel to it !
The Occasional ” good days” or sudden unexpected nice deeds , or ‘pretend’ ‘apology’ that keeps us hooked and hanging on hoping against hope that someday, eventually, things Will get ‘better’.
My father feels the need to announce out loud every single chore that he does. If he cleans or picks up anything, he lets me know. Every, single, time. It’s so fking weird!
This happened to me. It’s always that so-called “help” they promise but never deliver properly. They delay things, take all the wrong steps to fix the issue I’ve been begging them to resolve, and only after endless pleading do they finally act then have the audacity to behave as if they’ve done me the greatest favor. By that point, the damage to my mental health is already done. I actually fell ill (had a severe mental breakdown that physically affected me for weeks following the incident) and had to go to the hospital from the sheer stress of trying to understand what was happening behind the scenes, because I could sense they weren’t being completely honest.
This was a family issue, involving some of my close relatives, and their childish, infuriating behavior pushed me to my limits. The irony is that I’m much younger than them, yet they constantly tell me to “act like an adult” and accuse me of being “disrespectful” or “complicating matters” when in reality, they’ve disrespected me from the start by tormenting me and dismissing my feelings with things like, “Why are you stressed?” All that nonsense just to avoid taking responsibility and somehow shift the blame onto me, the one person who had absolutely nothing to do with their drama.
They kept tossing the responsibility back and forth, leaving me to constantly wonder what on earth was going on. When I asked one of them if they had resolved the issue, I’d just get, “Ask the other relative” which was so incredibly infuriating.
But now, I’ve finally had the chance to set my boundaries, and I’ve never felt more relieved or free. I’m just completely fed up with them.
What my ex SAID: “I appreciate everything you do for me.”
What he ACTUALLY meant: ” I am not, however willing to reciprocate and the moment you pull back IN THE SLIGHTEST, (due to illness) I’m going to harass and denigrate you as though you’ve done nothing.
Whenever my narc brother did something nice/good for me, it would be thrown back in my face, when he wanted something from me. Strings attached. It wasn’t done out of the goodness of his heart. I learned to ask him for nothing and I eventually broke away from him all together. When I saw him do “nice” things for others, I saw right through it. There was always something in it for him for doing “good.”