Why Does the Narcissist Gets Sympathy but the Survivor Gets Blamed
When people hear stories about narcissistic relationships, there is often a strong desire to understand the person who caused the harm. Why are they like this? What happened to them? While those questions may be important, they can sometimes overshadow a different story—the experience of the person who was hurt. In this video, we'll explore what happens when empathy becomes unbalanced and why survivors deserve the same compassion, curiosity, and understanding.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Ughhhh so true! I have experienced this with others after revealing the abuse I had.
It’s real
do you think you could do another video on narcissistic friends someday? it’s so insidious. thank you, dr ramani, you are a saviour!
I loved the observation that those holding down the targeted person are just as guilty as the abuser/predator/perpetrator throwing the punches. Absolute GOLD. Now if only we could recognize that Family Court and those working in the family law system are those holding down the targets, maybe we could make a meaningful difference for the children impacted by our failure to hold the accomplices accountable.
My ex-husband knocked my teeth out and his attorney asked if I actually brushed correctly. Maybe my oral hygiene was to blame
That’s pretty funny ngl 😂
WOW!!! That is INSANE!!! That is awful! Congrats to you for not knocking the attorney’s teeth out!💗
@RobinSpeer😂🥰
I think a great many attorneys are narcissists. The idea that you can show up on a meeting and create “reality” and the “truth.” It draws them like moths to a flame. Unfortunately that’s why they do these things. It’s not ‘giving the best representation’ It’s not what was intended in our laws. We as a society wanted people to receive justice and fair representation, not ‘get your client off no matter what.’
@WiredPigeon Don’t think that the prosecution doesn’t lie to fill their ” quota” rather than put the ” right” person in prison 🙄
The worst feeling was when my mother overheard the narcissist say passive aggressive things, and then believed the narcissist when they said they didn’t mean it. This was quite triggering and brought up feelings of when my mother did not defend me when I was younger. I’m refusing to engage in this pattern any longer.
You are describing my mother.
@soniagiangiacomo1762 I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this.
Thank you for bringing this to light and it is like blaming the rape victim for being raped. Laws definitely need to change in the family court system.
The worst part is, that’s so common.
😞 “Theres the guy who throws the punch. And then theres the guys who hold the guy being punched. They are all perpetrators. All dangerous.” Dear God yes! 🔥 is hella full for a reason.
Yes! This just happened to me! People are defending two narcissists that hurt me emotionally by saying that’s just how they are because of their past experiences and they really have a miserable life now, and I should just understand this and suck it up! So I’m not talking about it anymore in the place that it happened.
Absolutely true. If you want to attach to a narcissist the price you pay is self-abandonment and that is too much to pay. Thank you for your voice on behalf of the survivors of Narcisistic abuse. Thank you so much for your invaluable help and support dr Ramani ♥️🙏
You really have to cut them off completely to have peace, and to prevent the abuse that they inflict nonstop. If you must communicate with them, use a third party to relay the message
This is so true Dr. Ramani, thank you for having the surviors’ backs! Quite frankly, I lost all of my empathy and don’t give two tinkers about someone’s back story! Everyone has some story but that doesn’t give them an excuse to hurt other people and get away with it or even worse get a pity party.
I REALLY needed to read this thank you sooooo true!
OH this is so true and hurts so badly. No one is safe to share with
Right, and that’s what’s so dangerous about being around narcs, because most likely, they will turn everyone against you, leaving you open for more attacks than just them. In most cases, narcs are believed and supported by everyone. It is what it is
My father’s termultuous childhood isn’t an excuse for him to scream a small child into the ground. I had a hiding spot in our basement to dissappear into during his temper tantrums… but it’s okay because HE had a bad childhood..??. so I don’t get one either. Yet, I grew up and learned emotional responsibility and emotional regulation.
After confiding into a person that I thought was a friend about how my narcissistic sister had abused me for decades my “friend” stated the old “she’s just jealous of you.” As if that justified all the abuse. She added “Did she call you yet?” In addition she did this in front of another person which made her look like the bigger person and me the petty one. I was stunned. I had seen red flags but really?
Narcissists know exactly what they are doing. And that’s the reason they have NO empathy.
Absolutely Brilliant. It’s so messed up that, for most Survivors, it’s very hard to find someone in any camp that we can safely open up to. It can take years, or even decades, to finally find the courage to open our mouths, and we get blamed and shamed, and possibly held in stuckness longer. Never stop looking for safe people, because you deserve a safe person; but be aware they are few and far between.
It gets worse when the narcissist is polite and all on the outside. Makes it hard for people believe you on how they act at home 🙁
You are spot on. This is the hardest part for me. The mask they wear in public isn’t worn at home. And the public think you are the crazy one. They tell lies on you and the ones they control in their family.
This is so true… people who have not experienced narcissistic abuse they don’t get it.. and the shame they put on you is so wrong..
This is why Gisele Pelicot’s book has the best title “A Hymn to Life. Shame has to Change Sides” is such a good one. Even though she didn’t have to, she sat through the trial of the dozens of men who raped her while she was drugged. What a fine example you set for us, Madame Pelicot!
I’ve been saying this for years! The reason abuse is an epidemic isn’t because of the abusers, it’s everyone else who’s indifferent to it, who allows it, who shames victims and enables those abusers to harm them! It’s society’s moral weakness and apathy, THAT is why victims are being abused, because you LET them! Until society grows a moral backbone and puts what’s right over what comfortable, it’ll never end…