The #1 reason narcissistic relationships exhaust you
Do you constantly try to understand their past, their pain, their moods—while they never try to understand you? This video explores the exhausting reality of one-way empathy in narcissistic relationships, and why always being the "understander" slowly erodes your sense of self.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Exhausting is a very light way to put it😂 looking forward to this one! Hope everyone has a great Friday and weekend
They exhaust you because all that gaslighting makes you feel like you’re running out of gas.
Just getting started on watching this. Definitely been exhausted by narc relationships!
OMG is exhaustion part of the deal, life with a Narcissist!
They’re always opposite to you, when initially they seemed to admire and support you. The constant negativity gradually chips away at you. You lose interest in your passions. You no longer recognise yourself.
I shut down any manipulative tactics, whether the person is narcissistic or not. Don’t play their game. This works well if it is a co-worker or a distant family member. It may be much more difficult if they live in your home or if you are married to one.
Omgosh, YES!!…the CONSTANT NEGATIVITY is sooo DRAINING!!
Truth
Excellent comment in the nick of time🌷
That’s exactly what I just typed in my comment…
You just described the last 30 years of my life. Just one long tiring game.
I did it for 32 years and God Saved me when I literally gave up and refused to engage. Guess he got bored 😊❤
Get out. Seriously. Living with a narcissist reminds me of the movie Shawshank Redemption. It doesn’t matter how much sewage you have to swim through to get out of that prison. It’s worth it. Just get out!
@@CleetusMaximus-b7gGreat description!!!
@@CleetusMaximus-b7g good advice.
@@sparkygump it just doesn’t get better, honestly. One of my biggest takeaways from my hellish marriage together is a narcissist is “It takes two people to make a marriage succeed. It just takes one to make it fail, though.”
It doesn’t matter how much effort you make or how much you try to put into it, if they don’t want the marriage to succeed — if they don’t want YOU to succeed — no amount of effort will change that.
This on top of the fact that they’re literally sucking you dry…
Yes, soul-sucking vampires
They create drama and chaos over absolutely nothing and we are always left confused and scratching our heads every time, wondering wtf just happened again. It’s very draining, no wonder we are exhausted. I know I feel deflated majority of the time.
Man, isn’t that the truth!? I went through a period of time in my first marriage to a narcissistic spouse where I would listen to standup comics on my drive home from work, just to put myself in a good mood. I would walk in the door still chuckling about something I’d heard only to be greeted with “What TF is YOUR problem?” I’d be like “What are you talking about? I’m fine. I’m in a good mood.” She’d quip back, “Well it sure doesn’t seem like it. Every time you walk in the house, it’s like a black cloud came in.” Seriously?
What do you even do with crap like that? Good God, I don’t miss the crazy and the chaos of that relationship. It was constant conflict and drama. Same thing any time we would go on a date or to a family function. We WOULDNT be a mile up the road and she would sour the entire mood in the car for me and the kids before we would get to wherever we were going. And if it was a family function, she’d walk in just acting sweet as pie after completely dumping on everyone the whole way there. I don’t miss that passive aggressive garbage AT ALL.
Yes!!!!
When the little helper helps over the years, there comes a time when the little helper has an aha moment and realizes they got to get into a space of doing their own life. First.
I’m too poor for therapy but Dr Ramani and Dr Barkley are my free therapy😂
Jerry Wise and Kris Reece are good too.
Thanks I will try. I have no money. Dr Ramani is my only therapy, she is a real blessing. ❤
It was a long and meandering one-way street. It took me a long time to exit. ➡⛔
Narcissistic people don’t care about anyone else but themselves, but they love how we care and love them. You won’t feel seen in this relationships. They lack total meaningful curiosity about the other person, and you end up being their therapist as Dr. Ramani explained It is really sad and exhausting to the point that your health starts deteriorating. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for another validating video of our experience in this kind of relationships ❤
They will, however, take an unhealthy type of curiosity in things you say and do, and it can feel like an accusatory interrogation, a blaming, scolding intrusion. It never reflects a normal social interaction because it’s never authentic. It has an ulterior motive ALWAYS. Answer with as little info as possible and end convos as soon as possible. Distract, etc. Same with their flying monkeys. Any mutual friend or relative you asks the documenting your mundane whereabouts and why questions are often being fed back to the narc. Yup, that level toxic.
That constant thought of “if I keep doing this, maybe it’ll get better” and it never ever gets better
I read a quote that doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome is called insanity. To see changes, you need to make a change…I.e. leave the toxic person, or learn to distance and disassociate from them as best you can. They will never make the change.
@@applegal3058yes, unfortunately when you are trauma bonded, being rational is not easy. I have lived, learned, and moved on. Others are still working on doing so. So we support how we can.
@@applegal3058
I did that for so many years. 😊❤
Right? I read so many self help books trying to be a better husband, father, Christian, human… I coached my kids sports teams, volunteered at church and school, and did everything I could to try to just win the approval and affection of my narcissistic spouse, and the harder I tried, the more she seemed to despise me. There didn’t seem to be any reward for all my efforts. Not in that marriage anyway.
But, there is a silver lining in my story at least. After discovering NPD and narcissistic abuse, setting boundaries and making choices that eventually led to the dissolution of my first marriage, I actually met an absolute angel of a human. We were both pretty emotionally beat up and broken when we found each other and have been together for nearly 12 years now. It’s been an amazing relationship and my beautiful bride has gotten an even better version of me than would have ever been possible if I hadn’t gone through what I had in my first marriage. And I have a reference point that makes me appreciate her all the more than I ever would have, too. I’ve told my forever bride so many times — and it’s the absolute truth — the “worst day” in our marriage together is still better than the “best day” in my marriage to the narcissist. That is the God’s honest truth.
I kept trying TONS and TONS and TONS of different things and found him therapists and classes etc.
Spot on, Dr. Ramani! You explain feelings and experiences that are hard for those on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse to be able to articulate themselves. Today’s video was definitely an “ah-ha” moment!
I used to call it ‘spinning my wheels in the mud’ with the narcissist. You gotta get someone to help you push/tow your car out of that hole. Dr. Ramani’s channel was definitely that help I needed to get unstuck.
Hamster on a wheel The faster you go…you still end up in the same place No progress ✌️
I have CPTSD. I have a chronic illness. I have plenty of stuff to deal with, like everyone else. I still see and emphasize with other people’s pain and feelings. Getting help and dealing with your own problems doesn’t mean you get a free pass to act like a jerk or a helpless baby who drains someone else unfairly.
The thing about being an adult is doing things and dealing with problems without harming or overwhelming others in the process.
So true… To the point that you can’t bring yourself together enough to get away from them
You discribed my situation and I am exhausted I am 90 years old and have no place to go.
Leaving is my only salvation. I am overwhelmed with this covert narsissist. Haven’t figured out what to do. Thanks for listening
I am 80..same thing. I isolate..stay in Peace and pray God to Save me 😊❤
Your age will make it more difficult. I feel so bad for you.
@@Hatbox948
Thank You 🙏 God Can Do it 😊❤
Oh dear, do you have friends or family who support you? I totally understand…I am 72 and am numb….I have lost interest in almost everything I used to enjoy…making art…gardening…I want out of here so badly sometimes…I have at times been suicidal…but I live for my kids and grands, they live very close by. I pretend as much as I can that all is ok…all for them…and they are phenomenal people, every one of them. But what about me?
@@janewild9150
I understand suicidal and love of children keeping you Here and trying! Kept me going for 60 years. I have two children left. He killed three children with his Judgments and Selfishness. The never stood a chance 😊❤
I find Doc Ramani so good at explaining psychological dymanics, that her podcasts, at least those I have listened so far, are dense, but also so crystal clear, Too.
Once again, congratulations Doc, and thanks For sharing some of your technical knowledge on this relevant topic, that is helpful and insightful For Other people.
I can say that receiving validation, and a couple of ears to hear you once in a while each week, is really therapeutic. being most of the day outside work, alone, and having to deal with Other people’s stuff, is exhausting, and sometimes, a brief chat with a casual Stranger, lifts more your mood than any Other type of conversation with known people.
Setting boundaries is hard work. When relationships reach a certain level of intimacy, it becomes much harder to say “no” to certain people and their external demands, and then, that unwanted acquaintance sets more precedent for the abuser to use you like a tool, until you break, or get spoiled in some way.
And obviously, if you reclaim some degree of reciprocation when you are low, they easily figure out excuses to toss you aside, now that you want somethinge from them. It is hard to be highly empathetic, and it is even harder if you suffer from childhood trauma… But pain leads to searching ways to overcome it, so welcome dificulties, For they will forge you a better Life, narcissits orbiting around included. 😂😂
Whenever I visited my narcissistic mother for just an hour or two, I would have to take very long nap when I got home. She sucked all my emotional energy out of me and gave nothing but food. It was never an equal exchange. Everyone else’s feelings were more important than mine, especially hers. Going no contact has been a God send for me. I no longer have draining relationships. I have peace.