The opportunities YOU LOST because of NARCISSISTIC CONTROL
Ever said no to a job, move, or dream because you knew it would upset your narcissistic partner or family member? This video explores how narcissistic abuse robs survivors of opportunities—and why the regret can linger long after the relationship ends.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Breaking from tradition within family systems is complex, because family members COMPETE.
I get that… That’s why I always say “The best family is the one you make yourself!”
Not exactly. But I knew that my narcissistic mother would throw me out within months of completing my college degree, so I’d better be sure to be able to support myself. So I studied a field that would make me secure rather than my passions. I was right and employed when it happened. But worked my entire career feeling like a fish swimming upstream. Many regrets… I just was never in touch with my feelings or secure enough to assert myself after a childhood of being constantly criticized and undermined. Now in my late 60s it’s clear, but it wasn’t then.
Same.
Love yourself like crazy😊 Tell yourself good things about yourself and do things you love as much as you can! You deserve it! Enough with the suffering already! (that’s where I’m at, thought it might be helpful)
I feel like I missed out on alot when in my narcissistic relationships. people that are supposed to help and support instead self served themselves. it was endless gaslighting and manipulation. they didn’t do a damn thing for me that would help me in the long run; they instead only hindered my growth so they’d be comfortable. Narcissists are some of the most sick and deranged people you could ever meet and have in your life.
Yes. You’ve spoken my heart.
Damn. The narcissist always wants us to approve their decisions but our own are always shot down. My ex turned me into a shell of myself- quiet, shy and anxious. Which is not me AT ALL.
Once I got rid of him, my anxiety lifted, but it wasn’t till I moved that I realised that my daughter and I felt a HUGE change and we both felt pure joy and relief. My daughter is special needs and nonverbal but the JOY was palpable 💖. We were free of the energy in that house and the constant threat of him showing up.
I’m still tired and recovering as I took the brunt of the emotional attacks, protecting three kids and pets as well, but I know I’m on my way. My kid is thriving however and that’s what it’s about – breaking that generational trauma 💖
❤
That’s what bothers me the most , I threw away my life for a low life . With multi talents I grieve that life I could not accomplish.
You still can… ❤
@@uzmazaidi2887 ❤
@uzmazaidi2887 some things you can’t
You are alive therefore you can and are able to. It’s never too late to start. I’m alchemizing the pain to creative ideas. You are a creator!
I feel the same way.
I gave up a lucrative, interesting, demanding job because my then-spouse complained that it was taking an unacceptable toll on our marriage. He said that it was taking too much of my time and energy, that he missed us having time together, and that I could have a more balanced life if I would just trust him to provide for us. He even implied that the job was interfering with our ability to start a family.
And I was young and unaware of narcissism and was born into a narcissistic family steeped in traditional cultural gender roles, so this felt like what I had been taught that love was. And also I had been taught that the most important thing I could do with my life was to become a mom.
Looking back, I can now see that it was about control. I think he feared that if I did too well in my career, that I’d have the economic freedom to leave. And it was about his selfishness – he wanted my focus to be on him.
Later – “I never told you to quit.”
I’ve learned to be gentle with my younger self. She was doing the best she could with what she knew.
I’m wiser now.
How long did you stay in the marriage?
Yes, be gentle. You thought you where married to a normal person, and it is only natural to want to have a good relationship. You where very young and we are all learning so much at that age! But you have learned, which will make the rest of your life so much better!
Yas, Queen. Put on that crown. Be gentle to the younger selves and YOU. I lost many opportunities but I’m in the precipice of creating better ideas and opportunities. We all can.
@@TandiWeirden❤
I really struggle with this atm. My whole life has been ruined and destroyed by this.
I feel u im going thru it.
Narcissism is extremely evil. It’s based on foundational lies, false self, manipulation, and lack of caring empathy. So personal rewarding growth is extremely difficult in narcissist infected environments. My life has been very painful. But looking at it from the standpoint of what it takes for a soul to develop brings things into perspective. I’m trying to do this, but it’s not easy to be so disciplined .
Sometimes the opportunity was just to walk outside the house for 5 minutes
I also lost the opportunity to be a homeowner because a narc scammed my daddy-o out of my inheritance, these people are indeed sick.
Brilliant and so Validating. When I think of all the decisions I made that were based on the self-serving wants of the Narcissists in my life. Unbelievable.
They also sabotage your efforts to make choices.
Thank you. Have only just discovered you (and the term Narcissism). I wish I’d known about Narcissists years ago when I needed to. Ex husband was one. Daughter in law is one and I’m busy catching up with your posts and podcasts in order that I can negotiate this tricky relationship. Much appreciated.
I have so many regrets and I have lost sooooo much during the decades with my narcissistic ex husband. I’m out of my narcissistic marriage and have my career back. No one’s controlling my finances, my schedule, my decisions, what and when I can eat or watch on TV, everything! I’m fortunate and owe a lot of my understanding of narcissism to you and I can’t thank you enough. ❤
I lost a master’s degree and a baby to unresolved childhood trauma and narcissistic demons gnawing at my soul. That decade was the worst of my life. I didn’t have the knowledge then of everything I know now, and the hole and grief are unbearably large.
Thanks, Dr. Ramani. Internet hugs to all you survivors who lost so much.
Love, prayers and blessings for you ❤🙏
My father once told me that my ex was taking the most valuable thing I have – my time. This was true. They also take your resources (not just time, but money too) and keep you from taking advantage of other opportunities.
Hi Dr. Ramani. I great you with immense gratitude. And compassion. Doing these videos must be hard sometimes.
That said, a special thank you you for putting out this video. Sadly however, I just can’t get through this one – yet. It’s just too real and hurts too much.
I will come back to this later. Meanwhile, please accept my admiration and thanks.
yes, all of them. from a cake decorating class, a geneology class, an art class to getting my masters. i quietly learned art in secret moments. now 15 years free (way past midlife) i have my masters, took art classes in europe. still cant do cakes. happy and free.
Growing up, it wasn’t that I was forbidden from doing things – it was dealing with the overwhelming anxiety. I was always walking on eggshells. All of my energy went towards just surviving – there was none left over to take risks.
That’s me. The anxiety it created crippled me till I was about 30 or so and by then the damage was done. I’ve been trying to undo it for the last 35 years and though I have had very good results there are certain things I just can’t get back having lost the opportunity to comprehend understand and utilize them at the age I should have.
The narcissist in my life was my mother, my dad was an enabler. There were many times my mother would “talk me out of” doing something I really wanted to do. I vividly remember, I ordered a information kit from the Air Force. This big manilla envelope came in the mail for me. I was seriously thinking of joining the Air Force. My mother flipped, she could not believe I had even requested an information kit. Oh my, it was bad. She filled my head with so much BS, so much negative trash…I looked through the info, read a lot from the pamphlets and handbooks they sent me. I wanted to do this so bad. I put it all back in the manilla envelope and put it in my dresser drawer. Never persued it, because of her.