The narcissist’s SILENT betrayal
Narcissists betray us in a million different ways, some big and obvious, others so subtle that we may not even recognize them as betrayals at the time. But there is one betrayal that is particularly unexpected and insidious, and its impact can be far more damaging than we realize. It’s something many people don’t fully recognize until they look back on the relationship. Let’s talk about why this particular betrayal cuts so deeply and why it can be so difficult to make sense of.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Many victims are often surprised to learn that there are many different masks to the narcissist and many different hidden sides of them. They’re constantly holding grudges. They have betrayed many people in their lives. And yet, it’s often silent. It’s not talked about. It’s not challenged by anyone. And it’s something victims are left to deal with by themselves.
Hello Dr Ramani, Thank you for your dedication to empathising and empowering people in this plight!
When my Narc Ex saw his Neighbour assault me, my Narc Ex shut his door in my face as I turned around to ask him for help. Betrayal alright 🍒
They are pathetic cowards!
True , they they tend to not protect, and some times to maintain control they may even prevent protection, then also keep acting as if all is fine, maintains that environment ready to place blame on someone usually on persons narcissists desire to dominate, there’s something not hum a about it, I mean diabolical
The betrayal is on ending, in small and large dosages, and no accountability. It does not matter how you know them, they will side with a stranger in any argument.
This made me think of my parents.
My father was withdrawn for the most part, with unexpected rages over a chore not being done “right” (his way was the ONLY right way), spanking us with belts, pulling us into rooms by our ears, knocking HARD on our heads with his fist….all the while my mother was ????, where? And she has a bad habit of replying with “devils advocate” speeches, claiming our dad or others who have hurt you maybe were having a bad day…or maybe you were too sensitive and they didn’t mean it that way, or “Your dad _loves_ you!” 🤦🏻♀️
I stayed in an abusive marriage for 5 more years because when I came to her and told her how much he was raging out and screaming at me or around me, she said, “You know what, Jenny, I think he only does that around you because he feels _safe_ with you.”
I had no idea at the time that the same platitudes she was giving me, she actively gaslit herself with. 😢 And she probably learned it from _her_ mom.
I stopped going to her to talk about things because her responses were always SO invalidating. I never felt safe to share or even felt heard. I would leave feeling WORSE.
Luckily I have an amazing husband now, and others around me who truly care and show love by actively listening & invalidating the feelings I was having, _even if it doesn’t make sense!_
Thank you for this video, Dr. R ❤ You put into words what I’ve always FELT, but couldn’t quite explain.
Made to feel that you are nothing bc no one stood up for you stings just as much as the punch to the face😢
And even worse, because the pain from the punch eventually goes away.
This really hit home. I immediately think of a specific instance where a drunk stranger was harassing me in public and my partner just stood there even when I was literally begging them to help me. They just looked slightly amused. Totally changed the way I saw them from that moment on and I left for good not long after that. Its been several years but im still recovering from that relationship. My mother never protected me, amd neither did any other adult in my life. I am only now at 45 finally learning how to protect myself.
🙏
There is no bigger betrayal than being raised by a narcissist mother. The world where this kind of cruelty is possible doesn’t make sense.
Wishing strength and healing to all of us that have experienced this sad personality disorder. Deeply pathetic , damaging and childish . Im grateful that I can truly rise above and love in my life .
Thank you for answering the “why” of what happened to me in my narcissistic relationships. I felt abandoned and lonely. It was a journey of confusion and frustration. What I recognize now is how strong I truly am. I am on the other side of that experience now and am learning to appreciate myself and that “I can do it” on my own when necessary. I grew up in a narcissistic home and had two narcissistic partners over my lifetime. I am now 81 and on my own. Such wonderful peace! I am glad that I reached this wonderful place in my life before I left this world. Answers are coming and I am learning to appreciate just how strong I actually am and I am grateful! Who knew!!! 😊
Its all about quiet mutual respect.
Control goes for people with no self respect, they certainly have no respect for you.
I accidentally watched a short clip of a mother full body protecting her child during a sudden attack in Ukraine. She acted completely instinctively unaware of being filmed. Even when I‘m writing this tears are coming to my eyes, but watching the short I just started to cry uncontrollably. I watched the video over and over again, even saved it.
Yes, the grief Dr Ramani talks about is real and massive.
Never support you or take up for you when people are doing you wrong!! Just stand there and watch/listen.
Exactly. I experienced this with my mother my entire life. The biggest open joke that I used to tell is that if I was ever the victim of a serial killer, my mother would be writing ànd visiting the serial killer in prison ànd making excuses for them I didn’t wake up until I was 68. ( And just for context..I was never in any trouble..never smoked or drank or did drugs..good student…graduated college and worked in my field for 30+ years.)
Story of my life. When I was four I became extremely ill. My parents took me to the ER. When I was in my thirties I said to my sister that I always wondered why they did not just put me in the back room and hope that I died. She thought for a minute and replied “I don’t think they wanted you dead.” What is really sick is that it was a relief that my sister in essence confirmed that I was not crazy for considering the possibility. In my thirties and a college professor, I fell and fractured my skull. When I went back to school a student asked why my family did not come to take care of me. Without thinking I said “Why, I did not die.”
They NEVER have your back!!!
Have nothing but receipts of the lies and manipulation between me and this person and somehow I’m the problem. Fake apologies hidden partners etc. gaslighting to the max.
Stuck in protection mode for 55yrs😢narcissist parent to narcissist husband ,im now clawing my way to the exit after 32yrs of bullshit
This video has had me in tears. Describes my parents and then my husband. Thank you for doing the work you do and for seeing us.