Find Your True North After a Narcissist
Narcissistic relationships can make you lose sight of who you are, what you want, and even what matters to you. But how do you find your way back when you've spent so long putting someone else's needs before your own? In this workshop from The Healing Program vault, Dr. Ramani explores the idea of finding your "true north," how narcissistic relationships can pull you away from it, and why reclaiming it may be one of the most important steps toward finding yourself again.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They simply replace your reality with their own.
Exactly. 👍
And their reality is ugly
@tangle1300
Their reality:
I think of the wizard of oz; that blk/wht beginning of the movie where Dorothy gets harassed by a malignant narcissist and her dog.
Poor Toto was a hostage not a pet.
They take your reality from you!
Yer hair looks GREAT!
Thank you from the bottom of my ❤ for all the guidance, I could never get any other way. You are loved, Dr. Ramani.
The hardest part of reclaiming your “true north” after narcissistic abuse is realizing how slowly your internal compass was replaced by hypervigilance. When you spend years putting someone else’s volatile needs first just to keep the peace, “self-erasure” becomes your nervous system’s default survival reflex. Finding yourself again doesn’t happen overnight—it starts the moment you can finally ask yourself what you want without feeling a wave of guilt for having needs of your own.
I recently got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. First time he struck me I said “if it happens again I’ll leave immediately”. I didn’t leave. It even got so far that he strangled me until I passed out once. 30 minutes later I made dinner as if nothing happened. However, the second he threw a pillow towards my cat I packed my handbag and left with her. Now we’re starting over in a new apartment far away from him. She’s my true north ☺️
First of all ((hugs😊😊)) GOOD FOR YOU 🎉
Second!
oh hell no on messin with kitteh!!!
Dr Ramani, I love listening and learning from you. I have been listening for a couple of years now. As a mother and grandmother, who has found the courage to leave my 41 year abusive, narcissist husband, many thanks to your work! Also, I must say you look beautiful in blue!! It’s your color.
Yes, I thought the same thing. She looks especially gorgeous in this video!
You lose your whole identity and when that happens its extremely emotionally damaging, you forget the things that matter to you because its more about pleasing the other person and their needs, healthy relationships dont strive to control, healthy relationships make time for each other to talk, listen, reflect, understand and compromise, boundaries are a must, learn to say no to things that leave you feeling uncomfortable.
What a beautiful metaphor! Thank you for so generously sharing these important things
The hardest part is emotionally detaching yet not being vengeful or bitter, but still being available functionally yet shifting to start doing the things that make you feel good about yourself as well as living according to your spiritual convictions, your value and worth according to God, which enables you to rely only on him and not outsourcing your emotional stability to anyone else. Thank you, Dr. Romani you have no idea how helpful you are, encouraging people to take their power back and recognize the manipulation of narcissistic behavior, which is everywhere. You are a light and a God send. We love you.
My “true north” was Natsumi, my older kitty. She’s always been the one the narcissist preferred over any other pet we had. It’s not like I didn’t love the other pets too, but she was the most objective gauge of how messed up he actually became.
When he threw her to the floor because she was coughing up a hairball on the couch, that was when I made the call to move as quickly as we could. I made excuses all the time for Howie (he had him longer) and Simone, my younger kitty (they never got along), but that was the absolute last straw. He tried his usual tactics of gaslighting and lying, triangulating with my mom, threatening to throw me out, among others. But I didn’t buy it. I know what I saw and damn it, I know how I felt that same sickening rage I felt all my adolescence when he’d pick fights with me over dishes and he’d use that as an excuse to hit me. He’d convinced me that rage was who I am, but it’s not and I knew better. It was the epiphany I needed.
I told my mom the truth, including how poorly I reacted to the situation, and luckily she took my side. She knows how much I love all of the animals and what I’d do for them.
37years left closed door quietly. It’s been 6weeks now. I feel good most days . But our child is a whole lot better. She made me see the truth and lies . God showed up and showing out for us. I have to stay on track no contact
My husband now is 57 and can’t keep up the lies patterns he tries but can’t. He still plays a victim poor me. It’s sicking to me now.
My son is my True North and the ultimate “why” behind everything I do. My true, unconditional ride-or-die. He is the very pulse of my existence, the deep anchor to my purpose, and the reason I love, breathe, and keep moving forward every single day.
I believe the north star is not something we look for or endure to have. It’s something we have from a time we had to know ourselves.
This is the positive self assurance we gain from any neglect.
So in a way you could be the north star.
People are attracted to that and you may never neglect but have the courage is to be present for.
It’s recieved as want.
Be calm about allowing.
Protect them from wanting.
Never neglect them because that’s a negative consequence at both ends.
Fine line.
So positive indifference.
Some people in this world ( not myself ) are suffering with something they believe noone will ever understand or console …… Something took themselves.
Grow their humility.
A contribution
Very familiar 💯
The fawn nudging at your pocket as you walk through the forest just being yourself ?
Like the Lady says 🙏
It’s not you 🎁
You’re tuned in 🎵
The part about the ‘lost compass’ really hit home. When you’re deep in the fog of it, you don’t even realize how many tiny pieces of yourself you’ve traded away just to keep the peace. Finding that one fixed point—whether it’s protecting a child, a pet, or just a quiet piece of your own sanity—changes everything. Thank you for framing it this way; it’s a powerful reminder that we don’t have to stay lost.
I’m working on reinforcing when someone tells you who they’re, I listen. Working with a fellow traveler for the past year, meeting at same time on a weekly basis. She started being consistently late. After too many attempts requesting, let me know. I stopped meeting with her. I was leaving work early etc to accommodate and then waiting!! No, no more. …I’m learning to put myself first. 🙏💜
What is so galling in these narcissistic families is that the most generous, sweet person — who isn’t motivated to accumulate but to care and give — get’s the absolute worst end of the stick over and over again. They’re the designated giving tree, and totally taken for granted. Not only that, the relentless assaults on their dignity. I think of my sweet, kind father, who did everything for everyone in that family and how he was treated like a pack horse. He knew what was going on, but staying true to his own sterling character took years off his life, I have no doubt.
I THANK GOD EVERY DAY!! IT’S BEEN ALMOST 9 YEARS SINCE I WALKED AWAY and NEVER LOOKED BACK!! I took my time HEALING, I STARTED With ADDRESSING my CHILDHOOD, because that’s where it all begins. I took my time, HEALING is a LOT of HARD WORK, BUT SO WORTH IT! I FEEL LIBERATED 💪💪💪💯💯💯💃💃💃!
I kept trying to force closure, replaying every conversation and every small detail in my head, thinking that if I just understood what went wrong I could somehow fix it or get answers I never actually got, but after reading My Boy My Toy by Kali Avalore I finally understood the law of detachment and realized peace only came when I stopped trying to force an outcome and let go of needing to control something that had already ended.