How narcissistic relationships make you DEBASE yourself
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They get you to question yourself. They discredit you. And then you focus all your time on trying to please them. But by doing that you’re neglecting yourself, by catering to them. They’re not encouraging you to improve anything about yourself. They’re training you to make everything about them. And of course that is not going align with what’s best for you. It’s your insecurities that keep you stuck with them, which is why they make you insecure.
BINGO
And the moment you fail to meet their impossible expectations, they fling your self-neglect back in your face and call it a moral failing on your part.
🎯
Bingo and what is so utterly disgusting !🤢
When the more overtly dense VN narcissist gave away the fact that she / they knew exactly what they do, she flipped a long standing narrative into a re write and flipped script.
The shift tactic was so unbelievably audacious and shameless behaviour and it exposed her more. It exposed that she was so clueless as to be coached by the more overt narcissist and sociopath that it exposed her fake apology
– a long game con
And I was still putting together what the fk happened to me and being able to understand it was hidden abuse . So I stood frozen unable to speak I also began to understand how they distort, twist, manipulate any reaction . So my kids did not fully comprehend why I was taking the hits and insults and not defending myself.
I walk my talk so by not inviting the person back into my home my actions spoke volumes but I went through a lot – with a subsequent smear which took me years to understand and move past it
. I cut out toxic and deal with things much better
Yet it it is mind boggling how much they “ rationalize” abuse to protect their own fragile ego. ❤
@@clericoflight476impossible because it is a double standard in a double bind. Narcissists can not live up to their own standards or expectations and why they objectify others, gas light and project an image – of themselves as something they are not as they age they become more overt in their abuse ( more desperate ) and often fear end up being alone. Unlike us narcissists are terrified of being left alone .
They pull their antics so that others their targets we will set themselves on fire to keep them warm ( and then pretend it is the other way around)
And to you they will not only claim it is not good enough but complain as they dust off the ashes from your smouldering body ( because it left a stain on their new suit or dress )
Narcissists double standards stem from their delusional false reality – know your own reality and stand firm in boundaries 😉🫶
Pay attention when someone constantly devalues you. They are grooming you. Don’t let them. They’re not worth it.
Especially if the devaluation is labeled as humorous, nothing is funny about devaluation in any form.
Amen to that!
@@WithAnEss exactly
❤❤❤@@WithAnEss
@@WithAnEssmy mum always did that
When they start a sentence with “the problem with you” and you immediately feel a belittling coming up. Another I get often is “this isn’t a criticism”. Of course it is 😕
After seven years in the most wonderful relationship ever, I can finally listen to these videos without getting angry. The healing does happen
The longer you are away the more you can value yourself and you find you are wary of ever being in that situation again
And me just by being happy single and in 20 year relationship with myself learning to love myself , I can hear this without getting to triggered. It can work just with relationship with GOD.
So true
We constantly think about how to deal with their invalidation and devaluation and lose confidence. But rising from ashes like a Phoenix and healing is very important.
❤
I hated myself as a kid because I felt like I deserved my misery. It still crops up at times but I do have a lot more ability to care for myself in the face of that.
I know the feeling. For instance, my alcoholic father asked me to spy on my mother and report to him when I was less than 8 years old. I now avoid most people because most people don’t deserve me for I have no time to waste anymore. Only if I have proofs to trust, I believe but not before that.
They say they love you but they disrespect your time and emotions and leave you hanging so that you never know what they are thinking or doing resulting in emotional insecurity. No openness is tragic and guessing games are not fun. If you tell them the truth they retreat and will not talk a no win situation. What you said before about being ignored as a child and being reprimanded for being you has a lot of basis for how you are treated in adulthood and what you expect back from others. I have always battled against injustice yet allowed a narcissist to control me for 19 years, few of those living with the nasty, cruel man and when I tunnelled out and got my own home he hated it not accepting blame for his actions. Impossible to live with.
This lady has tremendous knowledge about human psychology ❤
Thank God for her!
She has helped me tremendously the last 3 or 4 years. I’m healing & growing and casting off narcs like never before ❤
I ended up in an alcohol treatment center at 32. I lived and held a very good job in CT at the time and my family lived in NJ. My company supported me, had made all the arrangements and insurance paid for most of the cost. Months after I got sober my mother stated that I had embarrassed the family because of going into the treatment center. I said I live out of state no one needed to even know I was there, you did not have to tell anyone. Her response was “Of course I did”. I knew better than to pursue that conversation any further.
If you worked on yourself and recovered and stayed off alcohol that is a huge achievement and your mother should have supported that and commended you. It takes guts to do what you did and not accept any handouts. Well done.
Excellent for you helping yourself in Spite of the dysfunction in your family
Wow! Do they hear themselves? That’s awful but typical of narcissist.
I’m proud of you for it !!!❤❤❤
Great topic!! In Codependency Recovery we learn to not do this to ourselves. We also learn to stop feeling shame. Shame is no longer a feeling I allow myself to feel. When dealing with narcissistic people, they try to heap on the shame, which is really their shame. If I’ve done something wrong, I now apologize and try to make amends. I don’t apologize for things I didn’t do wrong. I don’t beat myself up like I used to. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself and understand that it’s okay to not be perfect. Recovery is about the relationship with the self.
I so appreciate you. I became exhausted and could barely get out the door at times. I feel validated by you that I can get better. I can live alone, it won’t be the end of the world.
I have come out of it and believe me being alone is far superior to being buried by a man in every sense of the word. I have learnt to love myself and be me again without being crushed constantly and putting up with bad moods and tantrums. I have found my music, freedom, creativity, friends, family and best of all me and learnt with Dr Ramani’s help what that car crsh was all about!!!!
Hang in there. I live alone also.
Been seperated from #3 going on 8 years. The last 3-4 years have been the most peaceful of my entire life.
It may take you awhile as each of our paths are different, but you too will also finally get there.
@ thank you for the kind words. It is really hard because so many just say up and leave. I did into another house away from him but the de programming is challenging. Have a good morning.
My inner child has not been affected by the narcissists in my life. She is happy and healthy, outspoken and joyful. When I let her run free, I’m a happy person.
This is that lingering destroying aftermath that lasts long after the relationship ended
Unfortunately many victims remain damaged for life in an ongoing self-sabotaging vortex
It’s hard to escape that vortex and reset yourself especially if it’s been ingrained into you by your narcissistic mother from day 1 when you came into this world
Going no contact is detoxing and allowing you to see reality for what it is
All my love sent to those beautiful souls who are in the search of themselves wandering in the middle of the ocean at night alone and scared
I’ve realized I while back that I debase myself for my cult family… I’ve been learning & improving
On a different note..loving your rich green sweater…suits you so well…and reminder that Christmas is not far away ❤
You’re looking forward Xmas ? Lucky bastard.
Yes, very pretty color on you.
this is so true it hurts to hear
And they kick you the hardest when you’re already on the ground.
Tell me about it
This
After he was done with me; I did not recognise myself. I did things I never in a million years imagined I would do, I am ashamed of the way I showed up in the world. I feel like I need to take a shower in my soul. These ppl are so self serving
“I feel like I have to take a shower to my soul.” So beautifully said. Tears.
Ughhh don’t I sooo relate to that
The F bomb from Dr. Ramani! 😂😂😂😮 Yes, I agree that to have to call yourself stupid or no good to get a few kind words from the narcissist is definitely “F-ed up” big time.