How the narcissist stole YOUR ability to be CAREFREE
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Dr. Ramani gets it. Thank you.
I honestly don’t like to use the term narcissistic for my family. It just seems wrong. I was told by my counsellor in my 30 ies that my family was expecting too much from me. But I always struggled with relationship so they were the stable ones. They were the ones who needed me. I never realised that them “needing” made it so that I never had what I need. But the truth came to light when my family decided they didn’t “need” me any longer. And I literally got pushed out of my house. They again decided to “need” me after 2 years because they were getting criticism from the society. Then they pushed me out the second time again. Like an idiot I still didn’t get it. I still felt being “needed” was important.
Recently I had a health issue and I saw my family for their true colours for the first time. I am still struggling because I literally have no one other than my cat. But I keep telling myself it is better to be alone than be with people that you don’t enjoy.
@4Nevyn I can totally relate. It took brain surgery and too many wasted years for me to see how unimportant I am to my f.o.o.
It was life changing for me. I stopped all servitude and realized being needed only served them. It hurts but I am no longer beholden to any of them and it’s such a freeing experience.
Thank you for this. Lately, Dr. Ramani’s videos feel tailor-made to my experiences. ❤
Thank you for everything you do 🫶🏾
Thank you for every word you say every thing is so true
Thank you! I don’t know how many times I’ve been told, especially when I was in college, “you shouldn’t take yourself so seriously” or I am told I am the dark cloud, not positive enough. I was even presented publicly in from of my whole class a graduation gift of a children’s book of “Eeyore’s little rainy day book”. It always stings and sends a clear message of “there’s something wrong with you if you are experiencing it this way”.
Ouch- the Eeyore book would sting.
THAT’s MEAN!
I’m sorry you experienced that in front of a group.
@microdosenyc4515 thank you. And as a highly sensitive person who can’t stand being center stage even for positive things, I think that younger me really didn’t know how much these things impact me, but was rather uncomfortable, and of course being conditioned by two narc parents, I just defaulted to, they are all right, there must be something wrong with me. Some of the classmates got mildly roasted in their gifts too. But they were the kinda kids who lived for that kinda teasing and being center stage.
@@orielwiggins2225 nothing wrong w/ u. Plenty wrong w/ the adults in your life who participated in making u feel miserable.
The person who has their carefree quality in early life stolen from them early on by conditioning is taught that optimism is foolish.
I think one of the reasons for that is a “what’s the use” thought pattern wherein that is learned and passed down!!
Yes and managing that impossible thing that Dr Ramani talked about in terms of “managing” family systems is part and parcel of being stuck in dysfunctionality, to such an extent that that dysfunctionality is SO pervasive, and rendering any other way of being outside that as being basically so foreign as to not even be CONCEIVED as a possibility.❤️
You are right about that, narcs will try to convince you that optimism is foolish. They HATE your confidence/faith.
It really hit close to home. I moved halfway across the world to escape my controlling mom, yet even now, whenever I plan a vacation or try to do something enjoyable for myself, I fear she’ll call and criticize me. I’ve never truly felt carefree.
@@Mo-vl7xz if u see her # on the screen, don’t pick up
Thank you for your invaluable support and assistance dr Ramani ❤ I love Your compassionate heart. 😊
So good! Just today I was wondering why I can’t just “flow” without a care in the world when a lot of people around me seemingly can… Always on point, Dr. Ramani ❤
Seeing a happy family fills me with a lot of shame. It makes me feel like an outsider. I wish I didn’t have that feeling, but it’s hard not to cry when I see a healthy families.
Just know that there is no such thing. Every family has skeletons, traumas, anger, hatred. You are not alone!
Goldenmilktea: nobody deserves the pain u experience. They obviously don’t deserve your sadness & tears. Bad ppl will weed themselves out of your life, then u can make room for those who deserve u. And you will. 😊
You are not alone Found especially hard Birthdays Christmas Now 65 non existent since birth 😢
This video hit hard. As the oldest daughter of a narcissistic mother, I lost the privilege of being carefree early. And then she criticized me for not being a light-hearted, happy child.
Thank you for putting it into words and validating my experience.
I have found moments in time to be something close to carefree. Those moments came from moving halfway around the planet from my family of origin, back during the “dark ages” when the internet wasn’t a thing. It’s true that you can’t escape the person living inside of your own head. I carry that heaviness you describe with me. But I was able to achieve some relief from the heaviness imposed on me by others through distance.
They always tell me I’m uptight but why wouldn’t I be? I always have to be careful when I’m around them because they always have to give meaning to my every move.
Hmmmm. This is the reason I’ve always felt so much older than my childhood friends. I’d watch them being kids and think they were sort of stupid. Even today in my old age, I realize that I’m always waiting for the axe for fall. I realize it now, way too late.
Take back your right to be carefree!
I feel seen by this. Now I realize that even when I would take a vacation to get away from my daily life, wanting to reach the elusive level of carefree, I never could. I always dreaded going back home.
Such an excellent description of our lives. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. We stood sentinel, sat, slept, traveled sentinel – always plugged into the narc’s smallest need. It’s what truly aged us, not just the passage of time. We’re not really there mentally for frivolous celebrations; they all seem excessive, self-involved fetes and pageants.
I was a FIRST CLASS student at University. Now, I find it challenging to articulate myself as I stutter in speeches due to my life-long exposure to narcissistic abuses of silent treatments, gaslighting, and stonewalling from my teachers, family members, and uneven people I don’t know once I appear before them they tend to project their insecurities on me. I have been stoic, but it is getting the better of me.
Always guarded. Always mindful of words and actions. It’s more like you are not allowed to be normal.
Absolutely fantastic and spot on topic for this video!!! This explains quite a lot of what i have been feeling lately!!! Thank you Dr Ramani!!!!
I was very happy before the narcissistic relationship and now I’m trying to get that happiness back. I suppose that would be my care free side.