10 tips for surviving the holidays with a narcissist
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I want to be honest and I hope somebody feels the same or understands it. I am a victim of narcissistic abuse and I suffer from depressive and anxiety disorder. I learnt a lot from doctor Ramani, but living with severe depression cripples me to work. All I want is to save some money, move out and go fully NO CONTACT from this family from hell. It is frustrating, not only living them is hellish, but also when I add my health problems, it can be unbearable. Now that Christmas is coming I will have to try to survive those days with my narcissistic family. I really do not know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless. I hope somebody understands. Thanks everyone.❤
As a self-aware diagnosed narcissist, I would like to give you a little bit of advice and this is coming from someone that lived this most of my life. I grew up in a narcissistic family, my mother was the malignant style, but the best advice somebody can possibly give you right now is to get out as soon as possible. The ultimate endgame of a narcissist is your complete and utter annihilation, and now that you know that ,I hope you plan on leaving soon because the longer you stay the harder it’s going to be to leave them. I am a self-aware narcissist and I have my own channel here, I do have a couple videos that cover this topic if interested. But I wish you well and God bless.
Others of us suffer from depression as well and this is the worst time of year for it in the northern hemisphere. You are not alone!
We all understand on this channel. Remember your goal, keep your head up and play bingo. They will never know what hit them. It’s fun!
I am choice-fully unhoused this holiday season to get away from the toxic environments and behaviours while saving the money to be able to find my own safe space. Couch surfing sucks big time but it is more comfortable than the emotional manipulations from someone you should be able to trust not to do such things.
Oddly, having grown up with consistently shifting goal posts and unspoken expectations, couch surfing really isn’t much different. Except that those whom let you in to their couch tend to be the ones setting and enforcing boundaries.
I hope you can find a safe space this holiday season 💪
@CamStubbs thank you!
Thank you for the advice on how to deal with the narcissists. I am skipping Christmas and the holiday gatherings with my narcissists.
Heyyo, I’m an atheistic satanist and have been doing ‘antichristmas’… it’s my 5th year. 🎉 once you tell family you are celebrating satan for the holidays… well… it creates space ❤ best wishes
@@christophermiller3031 ….Or…. you could just say, ‘No, thanks.’
@@christophermiller3031😅
Same, this will be my first year doing this. What are you doing instead? I’m kind of lost lol . I’m 40 coming from extremely emeshed family. Happy holidays and good luck. Thanks for sharing feels less lonely.
Having Dr. Ramani on speed dial. 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Gifts from a narc aren’t gifts. They are transactions. They are either buying the right or excuse to treat you badly or the right to denigrate your gift AND the right to threaten to take their “gift” away if you don’t do what they want when they want!
So true, my father was this way
Yes, I’ve experienced this. Pathetic really.
Transactions using the negative numbers to make a point. I was intentionally left out of gift giving or given broken or damaged used gifts.
Over the years Because I was a “ truth seeker” scape goat who would not go along with toxic behaviour I was often told during birthdays or holidays that I did not deserve a gift. The toxic attitude was ramped up by taking everyone but me shopping and then creating false narratives justifying it. I handled it by not needing anything or wanting anything from toxic narcissists I bought myself gifts and eventually took care of me. My mistake was allowing them to bribe my kids with gifts ( at tge time I was still putting together hidden abuse and understanding NA – when the kids are young it was like trying to survive and survive the undermining while keep my head above water and eventually being able to call abuse abuse
And but if I had put my foot down that would have been used against me too. Narcissists will abandon, discard take off remain absent and self absorbed then cry giant croc tears that they are being shut out. Audacity is the N pd middle name and their co enablers and accomplices make the abuse worse. Grateful more info and awareness is in circulation 🙏 Peace of mind is my gift to me this Christmas – I no longer will feel bad for not being able to set myself on fire to keep other non grateful people warm. I am moving beyond the bogus illusions 🫶
The echo chamber of narcissists who live in the past and misery enjoys company so they get off on believing they could take down others, when their tactics got to me( I am human) they used it as leverage to try to flip scripts or blame shift or make me appear to be the problem . They even provided toxic scripts to give to my children things to say to me to make it appear like I am the problem, I own my mistakes I accept responsibility for my actions so I know when it is me or them. I won’t give them the satisfaction of ruining the spirit of the holiday or my spirit .They went to a lot of trouble to try to isolate me and make me feel alone. I will never be lonely or anything remotely desperate enough to allow toxic abuse near my life again . As I would rise above and ignore their antics they made the digs and disses more overt – now I have those toxic messages to remind me of who they are and I won’t forget the lessons. They can be stuck with each other and their nonsense will catch up to them. I am not alone ❤
Yes my mother exactly. She goes on for years praising every little gift she gifted, where she bought it and for how much, the outstanding quality etc etc and it is all lies. My own gifts to her however expensive never renders a comment. Although the gifts others give her (cheap crap) Dear lord! These are the most EXPENSIVE and THOUGHTFUL GIFTS HUMAN POSSIBLE. Always the comparing and evaluation and competition, it destroyes me.
Last Christmas, I drove my narcissist wife to the time share condo her narcissistic dad and step mom were staying at, and left her and my daughter there for Christmas. I took my daugher to my mom’s house the next week and we had another Christmas.
17 days later I moved out. That’s how I survived last Christmas.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas this year.❤
@@denisedevoto5703 Thank you I am planning on it!🥰
Holidays are more stressful and unbearable. More frustrating to watch holidays approach. Watching whatever we were expecting happening one after another
I can totally relate 😭
My narc mother always gives me sweaters two sizes larger than my regular size. I think this is her gaslighting me into thinking I’m bigger than I actually am. I’ve given up and just smile, say thank you, and donate the items.
My narc mother gives me books that she knows I will never read and am not interested in – her passive aggressive way to guilt me over my shortcomings (that I learned or inherited from her). I throw them in the trash almost immediately.
I would imeadietly in front of her, throw the sweater into a hot water wash & shrink it down & show her how small it is now 😂😅❤ oh & don’t forget the high setting on the dryer 😮
Omg, passive agressive book giving. That’s really something!
Like you getting her a book called “how to stop being a crappy mother”!
@@maevey3 haha. But I cannot find those. Perhaps it would be worth writing one….
Both my parents have passed away now, so I don’t have to do anything with my toxic siblings this year. I will miss you, Dad, but am glad I no longer have to put up with my siblings.
Happy tree decorating dr Ramani 💕🎄
Thank you for making sense of my last 20 years!! I broke free🎉
Me too! Better to be alone than to be abused.
I plan on having a very good holiday. No matter what. Hope everyone else does too. Merry Christmas to all. No negative narcissist in my way. No way. Take care all. ❤
Frothed up… that’s a good way to put it. I’ll try to come back to this video again later. At the one side of the family’s holidays… they’ve been separating the adults from the kids at dinner. When I was there for the last holiday… the aunt mentioned to go down there with the adults. Different room. There was an 18 year old sitting with the kids. There was something off that happened with a cousin during Thanksgiving which had never happened before. Things have changed with her since I went no contact with my sister. I may stay home. That’s nice you have your special ornaments. I used to enjoy putting ornaments on a tree. There’s nostalgia that comes up at Christmas. I have really been avoiding Christmas stuff so far. Wrote about it in the healing program. Feel like I wrote too much. Got some down. Christmas feels tied into a traumatic loss. I recognized after some time that Christmas feels like a ptsd trigger.
What’s the healing program, if you don’t mind me asking?
@@maevey3Dr Ramani’s healing program. The link to the website is in the video description.
@@maevey3 Dr Ramani has a healing program. The link to the website is in the video description.
@@maevey3 it looks like my reply keeps disappearing so maybe I have a glitch. I’ll try again later if it doesn’t show up now.
@@maevey3 the healing program is in the description under this video
My narcissistic ex wouldn’t ever give gifts that people wanted (she admitted this to me when I asked for a particular gift.) You received what she thought you needed.
Individuation is the one for me. 🎉
My best tip for surviving the holidays is to not participate in their fun and games. After watching this video I remembered that 15 years ago I flew to Alaska to pack up the last of my things for the holiday week rather than spend it with my large family of origin. When I lived there I volunteered on Christmas and the weeks before, prepping and planning a community-wide Christmas day meal and home deliveries for those who couldn’t come. On this final visit back, I was invited by friends to participate in the delivery of meals to those who couldn’t come, and it was great to see the end result of what I had done for years. A much more precious memory to me than another unjoyfilled day with the family.
Thank you Dr Ramani. I live far away from my family and no longer visit around the holidays. It’s still not an easy time. thank you for theses tips. And Happy Holidays
I always had magical Christmases growing up.
I expected my first married Christmas to be extra special. It was the saddest Christmas of my life. No need to go into the sordid details, but I did learn from that holiday, I could trust that my spouse would try to ruin my seasonal joy.
I still find happiness in the season, but I leave him out of my plans. Still so sad it can’t be shared, but I’ve come to accept it.
Hope this community and especially you Dr. Ramini find joy and peace this season. ❤
This year I’m leaving my husband home and spending Christmas with my daughters and their husbands. It feels so good! The only problem will be if their dogs don’t get along, lol.
The season of consumption and dysfunction. Yup, that sums it up.
She is absolutely right about the gifts. I don’t even try anymore. My wife and I stopped celebrating all occasions because I got so tired of the arguments behind every gift, that I stopped all of it