THIS is how to be ENOUGH for a narcissist
It’s not that you aren’t enough—it’s that you can’t do enough for the narcissist, no matter how hard you try. You could clean the house, keep the peace, stay quiet, anticipate every mood—and still get hit with their rage, silence, or blame. The goalposts move every day, and you're left chasing an impossible standard just to keep things "okay." This video breaks down why the narcissist keeps you stuck in the loop of never enough—and why it was never about you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
What you do doesn’t count. That’s expected. What you don’t…or can’t…do does count. And it WILL be held against you.
So true.
What a profound statement.
I came to this very conclusion JUST yesterday. Well put.
@prideofjudah5767 I learned that the hard way after becoming disabled.
I was in a Narcissistic relationship ( marriage ) for 27 years … I never knew what was wrong…… I developed memory problems and have some trust issues etc….to this day …. During the divorce process I started going through therapy and she recommended these videos to me …… It’s been 5 years now …..I always felt that i wasn’t good enough …… I lived that way for Years …..Bc Of these videos …… Now I have a understanding of what I lived through 🙏🏻Thank you so much Dr Ramani❤
I’m so glad you found these videos! And I’m glad you had a therapist who recognized what was going on. That’s relatively rare. I hope you’re on a wonderful healing journey!
@@malindarayallenThank you 😊And Yes I am on a healing Journey and it’s a process for sure …..There is No quick fix for what all I lived though🙏🏻I’m getting there though 😊
I am with you there. Dr. Ramani deserves the Noble Prize. She as brought back countless from the brink of insanity.
Thank you for sharing. I’m 24yrs in a marriage. Dr Ramani’s videos are helpful! You’re comment helps me in a different way because of you’re strength after so many years gives me hope of a possible life after and trying to come up with an exit plan.
I also had 27 years of a miserable marriage. These videos are helping me to make sense of what I went through and are part of the healing journey. May you regain all of the lost parts of you!
Best thing i was able to do is show myself some compassion.
I was never “enough”… it was always something “new” i was lacking. Once i realized this… i was promptly discarded.
Its doesnt matter how good we do, how many things we do, nothing is enogh for narsisist people. Their desire of power and control is corrosive. And because they always win, competition or fight with them is energy lost, time lost and even health and financial lost. Thank you so much Dr Ramani, blessings and peace to any one. 🙏
You can NEVER satisfy these people. Anything you say or do to live “peacefully” in their world will be held against you! These are kidults and will suck the life out of you.They are IMPOSSIBLE to coexist with. Love yourself and get out! Save yourself from the misery. You are worthy and deserving of respect, love, and so much more.
They’re definitely energy vampires.
“Houdini couldn’t figure this sh*t out” 🤣 PERFECTLY said!
Yep! My biggest struggle is trying to solve the problems. We’re taught that giving up, abandoning, etc. are terrible things. But this is not a math problem and there’s no answer key. Also, they’re taking up WAY too much mental energy even when they’re not around.
The more you try to be enough, the more they feel you are not enough.
“Houdini couldn’t figure this sh** out!” Thank you Dr. Ramani❤
I would go hide, cry, and tell myself “i’m a good person” over and over. He was crushing my soul.
Ooofff I felt this 🥺 I hope you’re doing better? Away from this person. Sending love
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. ❤️❤️❤️. Sending all my support to you. I myself have not been in a narcissistic relationship, but I have friends who hav been. It’s true, they drain you. However, make sure you find comfort in things you enjoy doing, whatever that may be. Don’t let that bastard ruin your life. You have a beautiful soul and it deserves to be beautiful, as are you. I hope you are healing from this. ❤️❤️❤️
For me it was a man and his family. They took over my life and it almost killed me.
Sounds like you got out. Good for you!!!
@@battlecat6766 I’m definitely doing better, thank you ♥️
Turn around and the goal post moves again. That is my experience. Such a deflating feeling. Never a good job but always how you can (or should) do the job better.
I became the “Block Queen’. I grew tired of being the ‘counselor’, the ‘problem-solver’, the ‘encourager’, the ‘ATM’. I asked myself how these ‘friends’ were enhancing my life and I came up with nothing. They are just energy, time, and resource vampires. I blocked all access and now spend all of that time, money and energy on myself.
Same, on the way to ‘block queen’
PREACH
Same. 📵
Narcissists ALWAYS move the goal post, and you’ll never reach it..
💯 Yes!
💯
Agreed!!!
Exactly. They always ungrateful no matter what you do. And all you have done is forgotten.
@ agreed & indeed!
They only respond to legal consequences.
It’s exhausting trying to be enough for people like that
People hang on for decades feeling miserable and desperate because of HOPE that it will be like it was in the beginning. It NEVER will!!!!!!!!!!
I remember begging my ex husband to tell me how I needed to talk to him so I wouldn’t make him angry.
Now I can see everything that was so wrong with that question. I am grateful for the lesson and my divorce 8 years ago.
It’s truly a Faustian bargain, because even when you meet and exceed expectations of “enough”, they up the ante and switch the goalposts…we are never enough in their eyes. ❤
“Houdini couldn’t figure this s#%t out”. I love Dr. Ramani!❤
Thank you very much:) hearing this is helping me a lot. Two month ago we had baby and after the day I was discharge from the hospital, he was expecting me to do everything around the house.😢😢 these people are not human.
@@hamdagarbo5839 I never admit I was married ( it didn’t count) but I was starting a light labor with my daughter. I had gone to the laundry Matt and brought in all the baskets of laundry by myself. While the nark and his low life friends watched football
10:54 “A narcissistic relationship is like living in a totalitarian state where you are always being censored and observed” very sad but very true. Anything you do/don’t do or say/don’t say can be held against you.