Does believing a narcissist mean you were NAIVE?
You weren’t wrong for believing the narcissist—they were wrong for lying to you. In toxic, emotionally abusive relationships, survivors often carry the shame of trust, blaming themselves for being “foolish” or “naive.” This video unpacks why that shame doesn’t belong to you, how empathy and hope are twisted against you, and why believing someone you loved doesn’t make you the problem. Healing begins when you stop turning betrayal into a personal flaw.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I feel
So stupid and played for being naive when I had the gut feelings and even evidence and even when he told on himself I feel so stupid and everyone loves him and I’m the toxic one! This is soo hard he had a full blown relationship behind my back and more
#ItsNotYou #YouAreNotAlone Praying for your situation! I am so sorry you are going through that.
You’re not stupid… They are very good in what they do. Now you can move on,love.❤
😢 Unfortunately, the narcissist believes that others will trust their judgment, regardless of what their actions have been!
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
I hope that the improvements that I am making happen more rapidly than they appear to. I hope my progress only “feels” like watching paint dry. That is my goal: rapid and boring progress
I came to this in therapy. It was so liberating and important to start trusting people again, while knowing better what to “scan” for and how to set boundaries.
This is exactly what I need to play for my girlfriend, who I am helping to recover from 5+ years of drunken, violent narcissistic abuse and dehumanization at the hands of a man who put her in the hospital three times that I know of but probably more. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Thank you.
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
When it comes to being naive, narcissists would always make me feel like I was the one who didn’t get it. Like I’d try to be honest or kind, and they’d twist it by telling me that I’m too soft and naive. Like I was stupid for trying to do the right thing. For a while, I believed them. But now I see it that being kind isn’t weak. It’s something they don’t understand, so they try to make it look like it’s something bad.
They don’t respect honest, trusting and empathetic people because they know those are traits they can exploit. And in their minds, anyone who can be exploited is weak.
I learned to be somewhat less soft, less naive and less willing to trust without at least some evidence of someone’s trustworthiness—-without losing my humanity. It’s been a long road getting to this point of setting boundaries, saying no with kindness and not going along just to be liked, accepted, or to avoid the discomfort of a disagreement. Stalling for time in order to think things through before arriving at a decision to do or not to do something is nothing to feel guilty about. If requesting that time outright might be met with resistance, then white lies, when very selectively utilized, aren’t immoral or unethical. They’re self preservation.
I hope that the improvements that I am making happen more rapidly than they appear to. I hope my progress only “feels” like watching paint dry. That is my goal: rapid and boring progress
Thank you soooo much for this message today doc!! I know i knowwww but,im still having a little bit of challenge embracing this . Again, thank you for giving soooo many of the tools to get through this 🙏🏿 💞🙏🏿
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
That is what I tell myself, I was naive 19 year old. Never could I have imagined it would be this way. One week after we were married I saw my first red flag. After being at college all week he comes home packs his bag and goes on a hunting trip with his buddies…comes back 2 days later packs up and goes back to school…I thought to myself what the hell happened? I wish I would have left earlier 😢
When I think about the betrayal I still sink into cognitive dissonance. If only I could had done or had been educated. Trauma bonded on my very survival. When I look at what the narcissist was realistically I get angry and blown away. That’s who he was !! I still grieve my heart hurts. Even it being who he was 😢it Hurts!
Yes, for sure, I was probably naive with someone I shouldn’t have been, but I won’t be anymore. I’ve seen how people behave and how selfish they can be. Never again!
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I came across your channel at just the right time a few years ago when I needed it most. Both your wisdom and insight still help.
I hope that the improvements that I am making happen more rapidly than they appear to. I hope my progress only “feels” like watching paint dry. That is my goal: rapid and boring progress
I really needed this message. Oh my gosh, I SO NEEDED THIS MESSAGE!!! Wow! So grateful!
Exactly ❤
Me three!
I have accepted responsibility for my role in allowing myself to get suckered in by the narcissist. However I will never forgive that predator.
Be assured…..they and their accomplices will get their payback eventually.
This video answered a question that I’ve been asking myself all day.
How could I be so stupid as to have allowed all this to carry on as long as I have.
Also, I LOVE your bookshelf, what a splendid backdrop.
I had plans for a wall of bookshelves in my living room, but photos and collectibles took up much more space than I’d anticipated. Dr. Ramani’s books actually get shelf space, mine are stacked up all over the place ! LOL
Judging people on a backdrop that money can buy to fool you through appearances. Time to keep asking yourself questions all day.
I have trouble speaking up when something is making me uncomfortable. If anyone else feels this way, let’s talk. Perhaps we can help each other heal from this. This really bothers me
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
If that is naive, then there’s a LOT of naive people out there. Most of us at one time did not even know such people EXISTED. This includes many of the highly educated PhDs and those who do the research about narcissism. Sure, it is human to feel naive along the way, but let that sh*t GO! NOT your fault.
But remember the lessons you learned. Keep radar strong for the red flags, for yourself and others.
If you want the biggest red flag ever when dating i will tell you … Zero red flags is the Flag as a narc we will always come across as your perfect partner … if you have 2 or 3 dates and go home saying Oh my god he or she is perfect Thats the Flag
3:37 you exhaust every way possible to give them the chance to change
Thank you so much for this video. I used to always be mad at myself for giving 2 and 3 chances. The other reason for believing in them is also because they were so charming and sweet in the beginning that you cant believe this side of theirs. But I have learnt my lesson. Stay away from people who seem too goodddd to be true. And always trust your gut. Whenever you spot a red flag don’t dismiss it but run . Thanks for the Video doc❤
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
When mine is lying and gaslighting, and surprised I no longer buy it, I always want to remind her that she didn’t pull one over on me because I’m naive, it was because I loved and trusted her and I won’t apologize for that. But I see her clearly now.
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic
They betrayed, lied, deceived and made my cptsd worse on purpose. Throughout that, my surroundings minimised, deflected and made me feel hard on them, told me I had too high expectations etc. Most of them including him have been removed.
In the beginning of my recovery , beating myself up on being naive was the hardest thing to come out of but now understand why. It takes time so don’t beat yourself up ❤
What am I missing? What promises did I make and not keep? Things not going exactly as planned is not the same as breaking promises
But Dr Ramani tends to retaliate so I don’t view her content as professional anymore. It never rang true for me when I did respect as a professional though. Everyone knows change is not automatic