Radical Awareness vs. Radical Acceptance in Narcissistic Relationships
Waiting for a narcissist to change keeps you stuck in the cycle. Radical awareness means seeing their patterns for what they are—predictable, harmful, and unlikely to shift. In this video, Dr. Ramani explains how staying eyes-wide-open gives you clarity, protection, and the power to stop blaming yourself.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Observe, don’t absorb! ❤
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Yes! Ross Rosenberg. I just wish he hadn’t framed his advice as “self-love deficit disorder.” That is so negative and victim-blamey.
Healing started when I stopped waiting for them to change.
1:57
Healing started when I stopped EXPECTING a change.
I changed.
I changed from a naively agreeable spouse and step parent to an observer of family dynamics.
The trenches of the step family’s life wasnt healed, and I entered the bloody battle of what the children grew up with-(my ex husband and his ex wife) thinking their family dynamics were somewhat more heathly. Nope!
I accepted their dysfunction, and witnessed brokenhearted adult children of two alcoholic emotionally inept parents try to get their father to accept and be ACCOUNTABLE for mistakes and decisions he made the past.
When I wittnessed his twenty something yr old daughter bring up the fact he abandoned her by purposely not paying for the household utilities, therefore left her to shower at school…his spiteful decison to “get back” at the mother via financial abuse, snowballed into neglecting his teen daughter.
His remark to her was scornful, and he failed her again by saying, “well you could have moved in with me”.
Yes I wanted change.
The change was mine.
Yes, Dr Ramani, I RADICALLY ACCEPTED…his lack of accountability within his family.
❤
Thank you, Dr. for this life CHANGING channel on YT.
Yes, that is what I think too.
Healing started when I stopped EXPECTING a change.
I changed.
I changed from a naively agreeable spouse and step parent to an observer of family dynamics.
The trenches of the step family’s life wasnt healed, and I entered the bloody battle of what the children grew up with-(my ex husband and his ex wife) thinking their family dynamics were somewhat more heathly. Nope!
I accepted their dysfunction, and witnessed brokenhearted adult children of two alcoholic emotionally inept parents try to get their father to accept and be ACCOUNTABLE for mistakes and decisions he made the past.
When I wittnessed his twenty something yr old daughter bring up the fact he abandoned her by purposely not paying for the household utilities, therefore left her to shower at school…his spiteful decison to “get back” at the mother via financial abuse, snowballed into neglecting his teen daughter.
His remark to her was scornful, and he failed her again by saying, “well you could have moved in with me”.
Yes I wanted change.
The change was mine.
Yes, Dr Ramani, I RADICALLY ACCEPTED…his lack of accountability within his family.
❤
Thank you, Dr. for this life CHANGING channel on YT
Healing started when I stop begging for kindness and respect from them- radical acceptance and radical awareness are the only closure we will ever get.
I take it as “I accept this is something no matter how hard I try, I CANT change it. It’s NOT my fault and I cant change the way its going other than walk away.”
This. 🎯
Don’t wait for the patterns, but be aware of them.
Thank you for building this bridge to radical acceptance.
It’s the behavior – yes! I love mine but don’t accept the behavior – so the love is from a distance. I am aware of MY needs and that they don’t care, and the distance helps.
Dr. Ramani ur my fav. My mom is a narcissist, didn’t realize it till I was 56yrs old. Thank you for ur content, its helped a lot of people. THANK YOU ❤️
This was the only way I could move forward. I accept that = this is the truth/ reality of things.
It’s meeting people where they are; It doesn’t matter that the world thinks. You know where they are .
I moved on to focus on myself.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. It’s tough dealing with bullying in any situation, but when the bullies are the people who are supposed to love you it’s even tougher to cope with. Your video makes me think of a prayer a coworker taught me. I believe it’s called the serenity prayer. It’s typically used in AA & NA meetings, but I believe it applies here too. It goes like this; “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I am grateful to have finally gained the wisdom to know the difference and for finding the courage to change the things I can by walking away. It wasn’t easy, but once I did a huge emotional/energetic weight lifted and while I occasionally look back in the rearview mirror, my focus is in the view in front of me. As it should be because that’s the way I am heading.
Brightest Blessings 🙌
Understanding and acknowledging their behaviors were actual abuse was difficult to accept and the grief was agonizing. Accepting that my perceptions and feelings matter and have value was the beginning of my healing.
🎉🎉🎉 true
I use radical awareness all the time. Sometimes I may overuse it and think patterns in interactions that may not be there, and I have no qualms about it. My safety is now important. Awareness is key.
Indeed, Dr. Ramani! I was fully aware their behavior had not and was not ever going to change, I accepted awareness and walked away. Because walking was what I controlled💜
“I see it” is better than “let it go” which is how I hear acceptance
I think often we can look at our own conduct for radical awareness. Am I running around in circles to prove I’m not lazy? Am I giving more than I have to demonstrate I’m not selfish? Am I constantly managing a recurring problem that has a simple solution? Have I stopped conveying solutions to these problems? Are these problems being attributed to my ineptness? If you are doing these things- you’re already in radical acceptance. You’re just accepting the narrative of the narc. You start becoming invested in the lies of a system designed to beat you down. One way or another, you are going engage in radical acceptance. Both of them are painful- but one of them gives you a fighting chance.
Thank you dr. Ramani, for always standing on our side. We, the ones who are living with this nightmare. I can’t count, how many times I’ve been called “stupid”, “weak”…even “psychotic”, for “staying” in this abusive relationship with a narcissistic man.
Not only is this man destroying me. Those comments from people around me makes it twice as hard to break free 😢😢😢😢
I love this because sometimes acceptance feels too big to swallow. A step to awareness = a step towards acceptance. Seeing the bait a mile away and sidestepping what is a moving target but smacks of the same stuff over and over. Thank you for this!
RA is accepting the things I cannot change.😊
If the narcissist thinks anything of you, and you ignore them when they want to be seen, then this can trigger their inner wounds.
Narcissists have very fragile cores and, whilst they are not looking for every human being to massage their ego, appreciate them, tell them how special they are, and sacrifice themselves to the narcissist, narcissists do expect a fair number of people to play this role.
If you are one of those who the narcissist wants attention and adoration from, or any other form of supply, if you are a chosen one, then they will not be happy if your supply tap is running short.
You have a role to play, supply them, and you should be grateful you are sacrificing yourself for such a good cause. And don’t even think about resigning from this important role, they need you, and you don’t matter, so just play the part.
If you don’t play the part, this will trigger in them feelings of frustration, jealousy, short-temper, anger, anxiety…, as well as things like low self worth, and potentially abandonment issues.
When you are not playing the part, when you are signalling to the narcissist that there are more important things out there than giving your undivided attention to them, it stings.
They hate being reminded that they are nothing more than ordinary… on the best of days.
Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
Thank you. I was having such a hard time with the “radical acceptance”. What does that actually mean? Accepting someone’s atrocious and harmful behaviour? Choosing to stay – and I don’t judge anyone who does – whilst accepting they are living with a monster? Or a monster whose forgotten their “core self”. Radical awareness brings the discourse to an entire new level. It means seeing clearly and that on its own is no mean feat. It means digging down into one’s own pain and behaviour patterns because radical awareness of the other also means radical awareness of one’s self.
To all those in this feed who have been gaslit by society, friends and family, I see you and I feel your pain BUT you are stronger than you know and perhaps the greatest justice is to KNOW. And I don’t mean knowledge, I’m talking deep body wisdom. No one can take that away from you ever.
And believe me – I’ve been put through the wringer – if I wrote the biography it would probably be deemed as fantastical!
Love to you all out there ❤
Dr Ramani, your video came up at EXACTLY the time I needed it. The synchronicity is uncanny. I think other people have commented this to you, too. There is hope (but no hope for the narc relationship I am leaving). I’m feeling like I am breathing oxygen for the first time in a year.
Radical awareness. Yes. This is the best advice I heard when dealing with an ongoing narcissistic relationship as one ultimately transitions to going no contact.