The Narcissist’s Catch-22
What happens when you've done everything you can to avoid conflict with a narcissist, but nothing seems to work? In this video, Dr. Ramani explores one of the most frustrating challenges of staying in a narcissistic relationship: realizing that even when you choose your words carefully, manage your reactions, and try to keep the peace, you can still end up in the wrong. Why does it feel impossible to get it right, and what does that mean for healing?
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Dr Rimini, I love all the colours you wear. They suit you perfectly.
Why is this happening to me I’m A GOOD PERSON! I AM A WONDERFUL MOTHER! Which went in my right ear and came out wrong! 🤷♀️unfortunately many of us have to deal with them. I always walk away triggered never fails. 😢
We all ask the same question!
Yes, this is helpful. I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist, and I am very tired of having to weigh every word and every gesture. Being the “yellow rock” comes at a cost, too.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Brilliant (as usual) thank you so much❤❤❤
Haha! Yes, I have really expanded my glossary of words over the years trying to find the right ones to use without causing a problem. It’s like trying to walk across a floor of shattered glass with your bare feet. Eventually, you just know you are going to step on a piece that’s going to make you bleed.
Thank you again Dr. R…still working through the after math carnage of years with a mother & brother narc duo (then I married one) which is why your counseling is so helpful. When mom died (18 years ago) brother dearest stepped up his tirade – lost it really – especially since he was older and mom made me co-executor with our uncle. Danced around his/her moods every word weighed measured to no avail – so I just had to cut ties, he had been violent as a child too. He’s out there ranting & raving … but it’s peaceful over here. I sure hope others can find some peace of mind too. Carry on the good work.
Thankyou Dr Ramani
I know that my parents had horrendous back stories, I know that all my siblings and myself were abused as a result. That kept me trapped in this lose-lose situation for decades. I came across this movie called “Devil”. The line that got me was at the end of the movie. This guy says to the person that is trying to rescue the people who were stuck in an elevator with satan “It is not your fault. They got themselves into this situation by their own actions. You will never be able to make them see themselves as they really are.” Life is not fair. Some people are born into loving families while others are born into abusive ones. That is just the way it is. Ultimately we are responsible for our actions regardless of our back stories.
Beautifully said!
But there’s something few people understand and many overlook because it’s difficult to believe and accept (because to understand and accept it, you first have to believe in good and evil, that is, God and Satan), and that is that narcissism is a malevolent spiritual force. It’s not just attitudes or inappropriate or bad things people do. It’s a dark, evil spirit that moves the Earth. In most cases, it influences generations of a family! And people with an egocentric inclination and a lack of empathy will be incubated by this evil spirit, and their minds are trapped. Their brain chemistry will practically infect their souls, ultimately shaping them into who they are. That’s why there are testimonies of people who were narcissists, and upon discovering the path of truth in Jesus Christ, they saw the truth of their own reality and their sin. God revealed what was within them, and they cleansed their lives and received the appropriate treatment to change the evil manifestation in their brains. I know it sounds “religious,” but this has nothing to do with religion. The spiritual truths of what happens in this universe are not religion.
He lied to me more times than I’m comfortable admitting, and the hardest part is that I kept excusing it because I wanted so badly to believe him. After reading My Boy My Toy by Kali Avalore, I finally had to confront the real reason I kept accepting that.
I didn’t fully see how much I was putting up with until I actually sat down and reflected on it. After reading My Boy My Toy by Kali Avalore, it hit me in an uncomfortable but necessary way, now I hold myself to a strict standard and I don’t let things slide the way I used to.
Years ago, had the privilege of talking with Marylin Van Derbur. Her mother (extreme narcissist) did nothing to keep her safe from her father’s horrific abuses (all detailed in her books/videos. She went public with her story in 1991 and then became an advocate). Her mother denied the abuse her entire life. Horrifying thing to live through. Marylin said she got to a point where she emotionally detached about her mom, realized she would never change. She waited til her passing, felt some freedom later after she passed. That was the first time I ever heard of this concept of caring less what the narcissist does or fails to do. Accepting it will never change and there is nothing you can “do right”. Totally unpredictable reactions when if you do try like the example in this video, the narcissist that said “don’t use that weird soft empathy voice with me”. Marilyn’s story of her mom was extraordinarily helpful to me. (I am putting it mildly, it saved my life.) Just like the message is in this video is saying. This is so key. My lesson was it is ok to never win and walk away. The real lesson is you can never win. But you DO win when you learn you can’t win. If that makes sense. The other survivors will understand what I mean lol
So accurate!!
My family of narcissistic people set me up to not be able to cut all ties with them. Im dependent on them for several necessity of life aspects of my life. I only communicate with them about these things. And I lock them out of my HUD home by changing a deadbolt. Because I know they’ve made key copies while moving in my belongs. I don’t have a way to move on my own thanks to them. So I’ve learned to defend my peace most of the time. And only speak with them when absolutely necessary.
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldn’t just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring my love back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
She is a top professional , her consultations are free.
I literally cant. Bye forever mom.
Letting go of the two worst, vulnerable, sensitive, selfish, two-faced, disrespectful narcissists in my family was one of the best days. So much peace of mind, clarity, understanding, along with the confirmation that I made the right decision came afterwards.
1000% this! In my case it was cutting out THREE toxic narcissists! Such peace of mind after No Contact!
Those of us who grew up as “the kid who told the truth,” and have remained unchanged throughout our lives, can’t even be sure that at 51 years old, no one’s reaction to the truth will affect us. It’s simply like living on a planet where very few people are like you and value that… the rest, especially the narcissists, will wage a psychological war against you. No matter what you say or how you say it. And the problem isn’t you 🫂❤️ It’s the planet you live on. Stay true to the truth and, above all, to love.
I’ve reached this stage. They want me to be the crazy, unstable one? Fine, here it is, I am done holding everything alone. I am spitting truth as fire. It is either this or let them kill me. Cause it truly feels like you are dying inside. And it truly does feel like they are trying to kill you.
Narcissists push you and push you until you hate them as much as they hate themselves.
Caring less is tough – almost a sense of self-denial. However, the larger realization is that care can be redirected/invested in people who genuinely seek reciprocal relationship. Do yourself a fat favor and ignore those who can’t and won’t.