You Are Asking the Wrong Questions About Narcissists
Can narcissists actually change — and why does this question keep coming up? It’s often framed as a debate, full of “what ifs” and possibilities. But focusing on that question can pull attention away from something much more important. In this video, we unpack why this conversation can become a distraction — and what it may be costing you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I hope you feel better Dr. Ramani just as more than we deserve from all of the lessons and comfort you’ve provided us all this time. The mother we truly need but don’t deserve.
Они психически больны
My late husband promised he would go to therapy if we ever needed it. True to his narcissistic form, he was flat out lying. “I don’t need therapy.” Once I recognized his behavioral habits as a narc I changed my reaction. Changing my reaction made all the difference in the world. I knew he would never change. And he didn’t. Every narcissist I know does not change as they are incapable of self reflection and admitting they need to change would mean they are admitting they have a problem and no narcissist I’ve known was ever capable of admitting they were/are wrong. It is tiring and quite frankly life is too short to spend good energy trying to change bad.
Their brains are different. …..probably so different they should be considered a different species. Any “change” is probably just a change in manipulation tactics.
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The original species was women.. Then the ‘gods’ came down and ‘took’ women for their wives.
So it’s now encoded in the dna.. Predators are what they are.. Here to dominate and get what they can for themselves… Not a loving conscious person who works for the good of all.
Get sovereign and don’t have kids.. You have no idea what you will breed
Yess predator vs prey/ human vs ET ! The issue their darkness holds pure hatred in the purest form ! Yeah fix THAT !
No, they aren’t. Narcissists are a product of their childhood. You’re talking about psychopaths.
@ultraviolet3905not necessarily.
Dr. RAMANI I know your rants will help others because they help me so much ❤Thank you for being you, thank you for helping me be more gentle with myself and compassionate towards others❤
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Ditto💜
Narcissist ppl don’t like anything that’s uncomfortable. It’s like unraveling a ball of yarn. Why should they, they’re perfect or they apologized but not really sure what they have apologized for. It was a quick shut up, they want control back. I have learned a lot from you but patterns don’t chg, even with willingness it’s difficult. Takes yrs and they live in a false reality. Don’t be duped they are master manipulators they even lie to themselves.
Ya nailed it.👍 Hard won, tho, isn’t it.. 💗🎉
I ain’t the expert, but yep. Nailed it. Besides Dr. Ramani’s videos, your guys’ comments teach a lot, too.
Yes they most certainly do.
Everyone talks about how people can change… and that’s true.
But the uncomfortable truth is that change only happens when someone chooses it — and a lot of people don’t. 🔥
Nope . Not if your brain is wired
For manipulation
No, they cant. I will always have ADHD just like narcissist will always be narcissist. Our brains are wired differently. Simple. I would LITERALLY give my right hand to be be able to function like a “normal” person. But its not gonna happen.
Morning. These are the convos we need to have. Much needed video to vent. Thanks. KEEP GOING!!
While I was forced to stay in the toxic dynamics of my family, I was put in dialectical behavioral therapy and it helped me tremendously with the ability to radically accept the situation, build the practice of the skills to get out, and push forward. Forever grateful for it.
They never self reflect and become aware of their narcissistic behavior, so they wouldn’t even pursue treatment to begin with. I’m actually surprised anyone of this type is ever diagnosed with NPD, because they mask with providers as much as with anyone else.
Oh I’m gabbing to hard here. I Even did an experiment on this with a narcissist x friend of mine. I could not get her to self reflect!!! She Could Not self reflect!
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I am SO glad you posted this! THANK YOU for common sense!
My elderly narc mother has only become slower and not as quick on the draw. But her conceit and her covert belittling tendencies are still there. And thank you for taking up for us survivors!!
I stayed in my marriage for 19 years, waiting for the narcissist to change. This whole hand wringing discussion is the very thing that enabled him to future fake me. We need this weird obsession with this question out of the general discourse. It lets narcissists once again suck all the air out of the room.
No amount of therapy, change, or money can take away what has been done to me, nor will I ever believe that this person will never do it again. You helped me recognize that Dr. Ramani. If I had not learned that from you, I would have wasted what was left of my life hoping for something that was never going to happen.
The only change you’ll ever see in a narcissist is a change of strategy.
Exactly. Very good comment.
Excellent. So it is!
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I absolutely adore Dr. Ramani!! Another great video, so glad you keep going!! You are savings lives if not the sanity of some folks!!
“What we really shouldn’t give up on are the survivors of the narcissistic abuse” – thank you ❤
A while ago, I turned it around and asked, “Can I change?” I thought, I’ll get into therapy and start to outgrow the narcissist, and when it’s time to leave, I’ll know. It took a long time because I evolved along with new therapeutic research and treatment models. A breakthrough for me was somatic work. And then post-traumatic growth. There are new developments in the field all the time. So, where is our energy best spent? That’s the question I kept going back to.
Im sorry you went through this Dr. Ramani. You have freed soooo many of us from narc abuse. We love you for that! ❤
Thank-you, Dr. Ramani. I’m seeing a trauma therapist after ending a 40-year marriage to a covert malignant narcissist. No way in the world do they change. I sincerely appreciate your honesty and also your irritation for people who insist on a “magic” transformation. I liken this thinking to a cobra changing what they are. No way in the world will they ever change.
Therapy just gives a narcissist new paths to offload blame