7 Things That Make a Man Commit to You (That Have NOTHING to Do With Love)
He can love you completely and still not commit — and the reason has nothing to do with how he feels about you.
Want to know how the man in your life REALLY experiences you? Take my free 2-minute quiz — it's honestly a little scary how accurate it is:
👉
🤍 Watch the full playlist on how men fall in love and what's really going on in the male mind:
There's a sentence I hear on my calls more than almost any other. A woman will be telling me about her relationship and somewhere in the middle she'll say: "I know he loves me."
And then there's a pause. And then: "…so why won't he…"
That pause is the whole problem. Underneath it is an assumption — that love and commitment are the same thing, just different amounts of it. They aren't. They're two completely different questions, and a man answers them in two different parts of himself.
In this video I'm sharing seven things a man is actually deciding when he decides to commit. Not one of them is how much he loves you.
Whether you're dating someone who won't define it, married to a man who's gone quiet, or trying to understand why the last one left — this changes what you think he was weighing.
▼ IN THIS VIDEO ▼
→ Why a man commits to the woman he's already good enough for
→ What happens the third time he offers and you say "I've got it"
→ What he's really noticing when time disappears with you
→ The thing he's watching that has nothing to do with how you treat him
→ What he calls you when you're not in the room
→ Why "I'm too busy" is almost never a lie — and almost never the truth
→ The question he's actually answering, and why it isn't about you
If you've been searching for how to make a man commit, why men won't commit, signs he's serious, or understanding male psychology — this is the insider answer.
▼ WORK WITH ME ▼
💎 Private 1:1 Coaching — I work with a few clients at a time
If something in this video hit home, and you're ready for real change in how you connect with men, apply for a free Breakthrough Call to see if we're the right fit →
💌 Get weekly love & relationship insights
Practical, powerful emails on connection, masculine psychology, and feminine magnetism →
▼ RELATED VIDEOS YOU'LL LOVE ▼
🎥 10 Harsh Truths About How Men Love —
🎥 8 Things a Grown Man Sees in a Woman Over 50 (That a Boy Never Will) —
🎥 7 Things Men Notice About an Older Woman (That She's Trying to Hide) —
▼ ABOUT MAT ▼
Mat Shaffer is a dating and relationship coach for women. He helps women understand the way men actually think, feel, and connect — from inside the male mind.
💖 Let's Stay Connected
→ SUBSCRIBE for weekly videos –
→ INSTAGRAM –
→ FACEBOOK
▼ CHAPTERS ▼
0:00 "I know he loves me… so why won't he…"
1:57 1. Whether he's already enough
4:06 2. Whether you're unfiltered
5:39 3. Whether the time disappears
7:37 4. How you are with people who can't do anything for you
9:06 5. What he calls you when you're not in the room
11:02 6. Whether he makes the time he doesn't have
13:16 7. Whether he's answering a different question than love
15:56 Final Thoughts
💬 Which of these seven landed hardest? Tell me below 👇🤍
Hi Mat, 1st. I LOVE YOUR CURLS ( SO CUTE ). I agee with all you say, but what if he wont listen to the fact he dosnt really know me. He is in Sudan on deployment so its mainly on line conversations. I dreading him comming home I may not be all he expects . I do love him though 😢❤
Thank you for the kind words, and please know that it’s natural to feel nervous about meeting in person after only connecting from afar; have you two talked about how you both feel about the transition?
@Mat_ShafferNo he thinks im some kind of Angel ! Ive told him im nothing of the sort in fact I usually say ” oh, ill just go polish my halo ” 😇😇 but he wont listen . I know he has enough to deal with where he is and I worry about his safety constantly. But I do love him so much. But he doesnt know me really, in the flesh so to speak . Im no Angel by any means, I cant wait to get him home . At the same time I worry about him, he will need time to adjust from the things hes had to deal with I know this and ive tried to tell him this. Without me being in his space all the time. I really dont know what to do Mat. 😢 he has no idea when he will be back it may be longer than he was told originally. He still insists hes comming to get me as soon as he gets back
Point 6 is the one that starts arguments down here — “I’m too busy” is
almost never a lie, and almost never the truth either. 🤍
Tell me honestly: has a man ever told you he was too busy? Looking back,
do you think he meant it? 👇 I read every single comment.
👉 Free 2-minute quiz — how he’s actually experiencing you:
https://matshaffer.typeform.com/to/ZFhuDDN5?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=make-a-man-commit&utm_content=pinned
7:49 My niece met a guy online some time ago. On their second date(the first date that was just them) she went to the bathroom and took forever. He began to wonder if she got herself another ride home when she finally returned and said she was sorry she took so long, she just got hung up in the bathroom. As they were leaving a woman came up and gave her a huge hug with tears, thanking her for everything. He asked what that was about. She said that the reason she was so long in the bathroom was because she met this lady who was crying. The woman was having some big personal issues(I honestly don’t remember what they were) and my niece was listening to her, giving her advice, offering to make phone calls, and genuinely trying to help her. It was at that moment the guy realized that he better not lose my niece because of this point right here. They have been married a little over a year and have a baby boy now.
Awww what an amazing story!! I can totally relate to that kind of moment- “when you know, you know” is soooo true ❤️❤️❤️❤️
You rock! thank you
You are so welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it! ❤️
You’re so welcome, thanks for being here! What resonated with you most?
ugh i feel like i do all these things… not filtered etc etc etc and im 34 and single …. 😢…. and white bachelor after white bachelor that i feel i have this amazing friendship and banter and aligment with rejects me, often it seems cuz they just have a hankering for latina women….i got rejected for a freaking rando lady from cupid that lives in venezuela and looks like a transgender 🙄🙄🙄.
That sounds like a really frustrating and confusing pattern to keep running into. Rejection like that says more about compatibility timing than your worth, have you noticed any common thread in how these connections start out?
That’s really good advice, Mat!
I’m so glad you found it helpful!