Is It the Silent Treatment or Trauma Freezing?
Have you ever felt like a narcissistic person doesn't really see you? No matter how much you explain yourself, express your needs, or try to connect, it can feel as though you're playing a role in a script that was written long before you arrived. In this video, we'll explore a dynamic that can make narcissistic relationships feel confusing, invalidating, and deeply impersonal—and why it may have far less to do with you than you think.
====================
MORE FROM DR. RAMANI
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
JOIN THERAPISTS ONLY (PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS)
VISIT MY WEBSITE
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES AND HOTLINES
====================
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I’m ‘accidently ‘ giving the silent treatment to a narc right now
I tried to end it…was sucked back in
I’m shut down to a lot of things right now
Me too
Their silence is toxic and not healthy as it is designed to provoke you and not to protect themselves.
We received silent treatment after respectfully drawing boundaries with my stepinlaw. We decided not to chase after her. It has now been 3 years of silent treatment because we had “the nerve” to stand up.
7 years of silence from my narc, but I get accused of not trying hard enough and being passive aggressive. It’s truly wild, folks.
The same! 😢 He says he is “distancing” himself for his safety and protection 🤯 Totally detached. Feels like a retaliation and punishment and he frames this emotional neglect as self-protection! Very painful!
same here! 7 years this autumn! It’s been a wild ride for sure but i think i’m finally done!
ow…the accusation of not trying hard enough sounds familiar..(while you may already go too far)
You ask; “what’s wrong?” they answer “nothing” when they want you to “just know” and figure out what both the “problem” is and to know THEIR solution.
On a one week silent treatment tactic from my mother. I think of it as a vacation. Dr. R, I always take a few minutes to absorb your words after watching your videos, like I do after hearing a sermon. I have learned so much from you and feel I’m in a better place. Thank you for all you do for us.
I think she’s talking about the cruelty of using the silent treatment. I would never use it with my loved ones though it’s been used on me. Complete silence is abusive in my opinion. I might grey rock and keep it short..I might say I’m not interested in talking now and remove myself. . I’d say we can try later but not now.
Good positive attitude. You see the silver lining in the quiet treatment. A vacation. Perfect….
I’ve lived with a narcissist husband for 26 years. I am using the silent treatment myself because what’s the point of even trying to talk? How dare I speak to him? How dare I try to speak logically and intelligently? He does not want to talk. He wants to have the upper hand and ignore me. My trying to make communication with him is practically a hostile act in his mind. I need to get out of here.
Bless your heart. Cancer took my malignant narcissist husband 14 years ago after 30 years of psychological abuse. I do..not..miss…him..at..all now. Life is great. And there won’t be another. A dog is enough for me. One and done.
Keep taking care of yourself. Do whatever you need to stay sane- whether you can leave or not.
@jokendrick2124 this may sound terrible, but I am actually jealous of you. My narcissist is a type one diabetic, in poor health, and won’t take care of himself in any way shape or form. It’s like please just go. How can you still be alive?
❤ Dr. Ramani. Incredible insight.
I’m giving the silent treatment to a narcissist right now. It feels gross and messy, and I feel bad bringing other people into our conflicts.
But that’s the thing.
No one can really know how bad a narcissist is effecting until it starts to affect them too. I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to engage with this person little to none but they’re my roommate and still expect me to live with them, and take care of them and the house.
So I stopped speaking and only go directly to my other roommate for communication. It’s made it easier for me, and to know what next steps to do in order to rid this person from my life. We can always get a new roommate
My mom used to give my narcissistic dad the silent treatment. But she never involved us kids. My dad told me she wasn’t talking to him. I heard she’d go as long as a week. How could i blame her!
I shut down so I don’t say things I will regret later. Ironically, they go looking for the worst things they can say to you to hurt you.
Or DO to you.
💯 the narcissistic sister in law who turned my brother against me, verbally assaulted and emotionally abused me, lied about it, then turned on the charm to other family members who expect me to pretend nothing happened for the ‘sake of the family’. Severely painful and messed up. I know the truth so prioritizing my health and safety despite them. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Good topic affects us all the silent treatment.
Going no contact is a fear based response done as an act of self preservation. The narcissist projecting their abuse onto us leads them to lying the scapegoat is trying to hurt themselves using the silent treatment. The *only* time they begin to realize it’s not a tactic is when so much time has passed it’s mirroring running away.
When I walked away and did the gray rock I expected an explosion, but they literally didn’t care enough about their own family member to even do anything. Like a year later they acted slightly pissed that I wouldn’t come to a family gathering, but only because it’s starting to look a little bad for them that I no longer show up. They genuinely couldn’t care less about me, but they do care about the greater family image.
I’m home calls were unbelievably anxiety inducing because I caught them having other people listening into the call secretly and I never could feel safe talking on the phone after that betrayal.
Sending love and healing to all narcissist abuse survivors…… ❤
((((Hugs))))) and love yess ❤❤😊😊
they can all stay permanently silent, idgaf anymore
Thank you for breaking down the differences. Not all silence is used as a tactic, sometimes people are so defensive and argumentative, that theres no point in engaging!
Sometimes, been silent, is part of getting grey rock.
I use the silent treatment when I am exhausted by conflict. I grew up in a very high conflict family of origin. I learned that sometimes, talking has no benefit, no purpose, no positive outcome for anything that I have to contribute, for my opinion or perspective, etc.