Real stories of parental narcissistic abuse
Parental narcissistic abuse leaves deep and lasting scars—far beyond childhood. This video shares real stories of children who grew up under control, manipulation, and conditional love, and how those patterns echo into adulthood. From guilt and fear to people-pleasing and self-doubt, discover what it really means to be raised by a narcissistic parent—and why healing is both painful and powerful.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
STORY OF MY LIFE
I didn’t ask to be here!!
Exactly
Narcs seem to legitimately hate children and see them as “competition” for attention (narcissistic supply) yet ironically most of them insist on having kids…probably because they think it will make them look better to the world and even moreso, they don’t want to pass up the chance to have control over a defenseless human for at least 18 years. Just sick individuals.
Exactly and you nailed it!!! 💯💯💯
Narcissists need a vulnerable target.
Yes, they are very controlling and I played that role for 3 decades. It messed me up.
🎯& jealous of them.
This was my experience of my mom up until age 13, after that I ran away to my dad’s house and he’s incompetent as a dad as well, so I went to my paternal grandparents out of state. My grandpa convinced me over time to have a relationship with my mom and a local fire that burned a ton of structures in the city we both lived made me want to reach out to see where she was living and if she was OK. We got back in contact like six months before I turned 18 and tbh it’s been amazing ever since. I just have to be extremely firm about my boundaries, and now that she doesn’t have any legal authority over me like we’re chilling 😂 I definitely think that I did need to cut her off of four years though or else I wouldn’t have been able to assert any sort of boundaries because she just did not see me as an individual person when I was living with her. I feel like she’s a little bit sadistic too so that was my main issue with her in private not blatantly obvious though. She just wanted me to do exactly what she said, (and didn’t say) but if I deviated from that plan whatsoever it was a perfect opportunity to use discipline, and idk man.. you can just kind of tell when someone is enjoying punishing you.. as a kid I kind of understood it like yeah because I’m causing her inconvenience she’s relishing the opportunity to punish me, but I mean I’m still not totally clear if that’s a valid response or way to view the situation. But yeah in public, I was definitely a source of supply for her when she would be trying to show other people what a good parent she was. I’m an only child and she was a single mom so yeah, I think I probably cycled through all of the different possible roles given to a child in a narcissistic family dynamic. 😂 scapegoat, golden child, parentified child- to TWO single parents (w/ spilt every other weekend custody). TBH if I had to put a mental age on them, I would say that my dad is age 12. Whereas my mom is maybe like age 16. And I’m talking about in all aspects. They were 28 & 30 when I was born. But yeah, in terms of like taking care of themselves, preparing food, basic hygiene, emotional capacity, they’re stunted.
Doctor Ramani you’re so great, just wanted to say
That first scenario is exactly what my family are like. So much anxiety and fear inbuilt in me since. It will forever be with me
This happened with my narc husband and our children.
I once left a family gathering early. They called it abandonment.
😂same.
I began to understand where my unexplained anxiety was coming from. Years and years of narcissistic abuse and uncertainty will do that to someone, especially at a young age.
same same. I feel you 🔥
Dr.Ramani is the best psychologist I have ever listened to. Why? Because she has been through what we have. She has helped me more than all the psychologists I have gone to in my entire life!
When I was a teenager, my mother liked to point out how even my clothing was not mine. This would happen every time we fought (often) and I would grab some clothes to leave. She was at a loss for words when a boyfriend bought me an outfit and she couldn’t claim it as her property. I took it. I left. Sadly, I had to go back eventually but it was a victory.
Oh, such a relief to hear that (like me!) Dr Ramani found another way to serve food with her kids. And that it’s a HEALTHY, GOOD THING. In my own home, we have a couple different small tables in the kitchen, different heights, and enjoy the more casual set-up. My narc parent always criticizes me (and all parents in general) for not having traditional meals around the table like she did for us, and just reminded me yesterday how poorly designed our kitchen is, lol.
With covert narcissists – they never SAY “you owe us” – they just fail to care for themselves so the rest of the extended family and the outside world dumps the pressure on you to drop your entire life and care for them because “she’s your mother” AND “he’s your father” — never mind that the parents live in different states and you were never consulted about the extra burdens of that arrangement — and will berate and psychologically beat on you and punish you when you even try to set boundaries around that
My mother sure made it clear that I owe her because of all the stuff she did for me and raised me. 😂
6:30 it also reminds you. You’re not safe. None of your things are safe. Nothing of yours that has any sentimental value is safe. It’s very unsettling.
The narcissist that I grew up with kept telling me that nothing I cared about was mine.
It is extraordinarily destructive to tell a child that everything that they love can be taken from them at any moment.
I run at the age of 17 from a malignant narcissist mother. My entire 20s I battled suicidal thought, depression and self blame. I’m 37 with no contact to my entire family.
Yep, same!
Same :/ it was a living hell of a childhood. I had to cut so many people because they told me my guardian was just “strict.” Yeah okay. Having only one shelf in the fridge to eat off (that never had food,) and cleaning the house for 3 hours a day along with mind games about bathroom use isn’t just “strict.”
Absolutely agree my mother held everything over my head so I would feel guilty. It was a transactional manipulative relationship.
I had daily morning newspaper routes for years as a kid. Through middle and high school. My dad, who didn’t work (because he’d been “blackballed” in the community) but was obsessed with computers, would “ask” me for money to buy the latest catalog/magazine/accessory for his “business” so he could stay up-to-date. I learned to spend my money before he could “ask” for it. I knew then that it was wrong for him to do this, but was powerless to deny his “request” for reasons every survivor of narcissistic abuse understands. There is so much more to the story (as there always is with toxic relationships) and I’ve learned just HOW abusive that was. I dealt with terrible money habits for decades, even though I knew better how to handle money. I’m only recently beginning to come out of the consequences of those decades, and still the scars remain.
Its heartbreaking knowing how many broken invalidating families there are..glad mine isnt the only one but the fall out on my kids will haunt me forever. The best i can do is create a safe place where we can heal
It’s about putting your children first , doing what’s right as a parent
It’s exhausting how we confuse these people’s negative reactions to us acting in integrity with whether or not we’re actually acting in integrity because of all the gaslighting/dismissiveness. It’s exhausting to the core of our being. It requires such enormous levels of self-confidence and a very secure sense of self before it starts rolling off the back, like water off a duck, so to speak. And it’s that self -worth they consistently try to chip away at (sometimes very successfully). They are exhausting humans to live or even interact with. Absolutely exhausting.
Dr. Ramani should have a separate channel reacting to AITA narcissism stories. ❤
Yes totally agree!!!!
Left my son’s father because of a situation like the second — where his mother was cruel to our son and he would try to normalize it. So glad to be free of him. That’s for the power Dr. Ramani. 🙂
I was told I owe my parents and then I was told I wasn’t their child when I chose to not provide what they thought was owed them.
As a nanny in a residential area in a city’s downtown, I earned a good word of mouth reputation that put me in a position to be picky with clients and only work with infants and toddlers. I didn’t analyze it at the time but I just found it harder and harder to love a child fiercely but have no authority when it came to protecting them from their parent’s issues which you start to see at a startingly young age. My heart broke every time I had to tell a 3 or 4 year old it’s my job to jump up and clean the juice her baby brother just spilled.