The Long-Term Damage Toxic Relationships Leave Behind
Narcissistic relationships can affect far more than the relationship itself. Over time, the impact can begin showing up in how you think, how you feel, how you relate to other people, and even in your physical well-being.
In this video, Dr. Ramani breaks down some of the lesser-discussed ways long-term narcissistic relationships can change you – and why some of those effects can linger even after the relationship ends.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Thank you for your content. It helps a lot. Yes, there is lasting damage but after some time, it is possible to find peace. Recognize the truth, go no contact…..completely no contact, do not expect an apology, forgive – not for them but for your own healing, Do not blame yourself or over think. Find new relationships, enjoy friends and live life.
Every single time you hit my experience right on the head. Years of broken promises, while caring for a chronically ill child, working, while dealing with chronic daily migraines and always being told I’m not enough.
While in the relationship, they are so sick to the point that they make you feel that they are your entire world, so, after they leave, you need to question and redefine almost everything!
She hit me with the first sentence. I’m a healthcare worker and a Respiratory Therapist. I’m also victim of narcissistic abuse. Compassion fatigue is REAL.
The damage these people can do to a person’s life is devastating. It can affect your family, your community… everything. Because of course there are no isolated incidents. Everything is interconnected. But what goes around comes back around. It ends up affecting them more than anyone else in the end.
I would become so tired of being strong and keeping myself together that sometimes I felt like reacting to give me a break. 🍒
When trying to divorce, the narcissist, I was seeing a counselor. The counselor told me I was very cynical. I agreed I told him it was a survival mechanism because I would see the ridiculousness of the behavior of the narc. The male counselor felt I wouldn’t be able to find another man in my life because of my cynicism. I promptly told him that I felt any man worth having will understand where the cynicism comes from. Of course that never happened.
It is invisible damage because people struggling with narcissistic abuse continue to get up go to work pay bills do what they’re supposed to do, but on the inside, they are falling apart, struggling with depression anxiety, but still expected to function at a high level. Thank you so much for continuing to do this channel as a therapist. I work with his clients every day and they are starved for information because this is a topic that is just now being talked about and labeled.
My partner is 82 and starting to fail. I’m 62 and we’ve been together for decades, so I’m here for the duration, whatever form that takes as I’ve already realized I have limits. He tires to micro-manage, but it’s because he can sense his world getting smaller and he’s losing control. I’ll go to change the bed and give him his pillow and a fresh pillowcase and I can change the bed and straighten up the room and he’s still sitting there struggling with his pillow. I can’t get mad about that. He’s not faking because he was always 50/50 on housework, but now he notices nothing except if there’s enough food and exactly the food he wants, which happens thanks to me. He’s always had narcissistic traits, but hey we’re mostly centered on his looks. He’s never tried to control me because he knew where I would tell him to shove it. Now, he needs me as his sherpa and maid. Luckily, he’s able to manage his personal care except for me helping him with his socks. This new stage of life has been hard to get used to, but at least I have my early and late retirement planned out and I’m going to be okay in the end.
You prefaced your comment with –
“im here for the duration” ..
Why say anything else?
Staunch stallwart stance
And that’s ok
(I guess)💡
@PINKSNAPSbecause we’re all here to learn but also to share what we’re enduring and to hopefully feel understood and less alone.
Thank you for talking about this, Dr Ramani. That’s exactly how I feel right now. I have to emphasise to friends and family that I’m not suicidal. I just don’t give a darn anymore, because I’m all out. The thing that sucks is I just want the feeling to go away and get back what I used to have. Those upbeat positive days seem to have disappeared.
A living nightmare!! Soul exhaustion is so real
Taking care of a narc is worse than taking nothing back. They do give back… Berating, diminishing, devaluing your efforts, they even sabotage your care (their own health) and act as of it’s all your responsibility.
With them you don’t get neutral. The balance is always negative
As of this month I’m entirely out of the narcissist’s reach. I am left holding the knowledge that narcissism is pervasive in our culture. It is normalized. It is a constant stressor. So, I’m here to keep growing stronger, breathe, and thrive.
Finally in group therapy again. Someone certified by you! I lucked out. Praying I can just finally get relief. I miss my compassion and who I used to be.
Self abandonment in narcissistic relationships = “pulling out our feathers one at a time until we can’t fly”. 🤯
The desire to be loved is so profound , we will often tolerate almost anything ,including prolonged cruelty and depravation of that very thing we seek ,called LOVE . If we could first learn to love our selves better than others , we might not accept this impossible cycle of unhappiness . ( which is considered selfish in our culture ) This must change, because self-esteem is essential for personal stability .
I’m a retired RN and don’t think I ever experienced compassion fatigue in my work with people. Burnout at times from unreasonable relentless administration expectations and demands, yes. I am a year out of a 4 year relationship with a crazy-making woman (same gender) often cruel yet wanting unconditional love regardless of her behavior, crying about her not knowing how to express feelings. By year 3 I felt numb. It took another year to extract myself (thank you Dr Ramani), and I am just now beginning to feel capable again of feeling and showing compassion for people.
I was exhausted IN the marriage and when I left. My parents didn’t seem to understand how tired I was when I left him, but how could they? They _never asked_ what happened to me. Never once told me if I needed to talk, they’d be here for me. WTF.
8 years out and I’m still tired. 😢
My daughter is with one..I wish she would talk..she defends him.
This also makes me think of all the Moms out there. You ladies are Super Women!!!!❤
When a Mom is married to a Narc, it’s so exhausting!! You’re supposed to juggle _everything_ whilst being criticized for being tired and never appreciated for all you do. 😢
I took care of my Father for 10 years before he died. I am a registered nurse and was going thru a divorce from a narcissist and taking care of my 3 sons. Now im remarried and children are grown, and my now husband parents try calling me all the time to take them to appointments and running their errands. I had to tell them I’m busy each time. They are upset with me, but i had to tell my husband that i am only concerned with my health and mental stability i have no time for others. Also my husband said he didnt marry me to take care of his parents that they have 4 children and his parents are not my responsibility. My husband looks out for my needs and i look after his. He told me to stop feeling guilty for taking time and caring for myself. The last 3 years ive been very selfish. Because no one looked out for me all these years.
I moved 3,000 miles away from my narcissist sibling, and somehow everything got harder. When I lived close to him, the toxicity felt normal — just “the way life is.” But once I had distance, and my nervous system finally had room to settle, the truth became impossible to ignore. The abuse I minimized for years became painfully clear. And underneath all that denial was anger I hadn’t let myself feel because I couldn’t afford to feel it. It was a survival strategy. Now that anger is roaring back to life. I thought distance would mean peace. Smooth sailing. Nope. First came clarity. Then came grief. Then came the rage I had buried just to get through. Sending love to everyone dealing with this toxic nonsense. It’s brutal when your body finally feels safe enough to tell the truth.